This week my husband and I had interesting conversations
about the genders of our children. While we desire another child and hope to
have another one day, we’ve been told that we really need to have a boy since
we already have a girl and second, we need someone to pass the family name on.
Since we don’t have the ability to choose the gender of our baby, even if we
wanted to, why is it automatic that we should be desiring a boy? This idea got
me thinking why are boys desired more than girls? In a recent Gallup poll,
responders were asked if they could only have one child and they had the chance
to choose the gender of that child, what would they choose? Forty percent
responded that they would choose a boy, 28% chose girl and 25% had no
preference. This poll has been repeatedly ten times since 1941 with almost
identical results.
Girls are undervalued all over the world. The rates of
sex-selective abortions in India and China are shocking while baby girls are
being abandoned in South Korea. In the US, little girls tend to be sexualized
through their clothes and though music. Girls are urged to stay young and
innocent as long as possible yet media shows them that being sexy can achieve
great things. Talk about a mixed message! To be concise with such a complex
topic, I will discuss three reasons why boys are often preferred over girls and
am argument against such reasons.
First, the main reason I hear about preferring boys over
girls is because boys will pass on the family name. However, in the US today,
women have the option to take her husband’s name, keep her own name or the
husband can even take the wife’s name. For example, I took my husband’s name
simply because I’ve always looked forward to being married and changing my
name, I’m traditional in that sense. However, I do know of a family who had
only girls. When one of the daughters got married, she and her husband decided
to take her name so there could be a new generation with that surname. I’ve
always heard of couples hyphenated their names, for example like Jones-Smith,
or even combining their last names into a new last name. The best example is
former Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa. When he married his wife,
Corina, in 1987, they combined his surname, Villar, with her surname, Raigosa.
To me, desiring a boy simply to pass on the family name is very weak.
Second, many claim to desire boys over girls because boys
are easier to raise. The truth is neither gender is easier to raise than the
other because the brains of boys and girls are different and thus develop at
different rates over the course of their lives. Let’s break down the areas of
raising a child and see which one is harder. Discipline: who’s harder? Boys.
Why? Boys tend to respond better to physical discipline like being put into a
time out chair or having their toys taken away while girls respond better to
verbal discipline. Physical safety: who’s harder? Boys. Why? Boys tend to be
more rambunctious and aggressive. They are natural risk takers. While girls
(definitely not my daughter), tend to operate on the safer side and often need
to be encouraged to take risks. Self-esteem: who’s harder? Girls. Why? Girls
tend to grow up less confident and more insecure than boys. They are taught to
be people pleasers, to bury their needs behind someone else’s. Another
self-esteem issue with girls is body image. Parents, especially mothers, need
to be careful how they express their satisfaction or dissatisfaction with their
bodies because your daughters are watching and will learn to hate what you hate
on their own bodies. School: who’s harder? Mostly boys. Why? Being action
based, boys tend not to respond will to an indoor based school day. Early
education activities like music, clay work, finger painting and physical
activity, are being stopped in favor for an emphasis on academics and visual
auditory learning. This type of learning can be too most for brains too
immature to sit still and boys tend to act out in response in boredom. Final
tally: Boys 3, Girls 1.
Some may say “hey! What about expenses? Girls require pretty
fancy clothes, shows, accessories.” True, some girls may require a lot of stuff
as teenagers. However, this isn’t always the case. Myself as a teenager was
very low key. I enjoy, and still enjoy, a simple outfit. I enjoy getting
dressed up every now and then; however, those occasions are few and far
between. Boys can be expensive too when it comes to stuff. Ever looked into
buying a new gaming system lately? The most current Xbox, Xbox One (2013),
retails from $300-$500 with games which run as high as $80! How is this cheaper
than dressing a girl? It seems that boys are the more expensive ones. I think
we need to focus on how differently boys and girls develop and grow which
changes the way we, as parents, need to approach raising them. What worked for
your daughter won’t necessarily work for your son.
Third, fear. Simply fear. The world is a scary place and in
many parents’ minds, boys are better equipped or physically able to handle the
bug bad world out there. Therefore, the image of girls as dainty, fragile
creatures who need to be protected from harm. Yes, the world is a scary place
for girls. They could face sexual exploitation, violence, discrimination in the
workplace and even in school. However, why can’t we teach and prepare our
daughters to able to face these things if and when they come up? Why not teach
our daughters self-defense by putting them in martial arts? Better yet, why are
parents not teaching their sons how to respectful treat a woman? Why are we not
teaching boys to respect when a woman says no and means no? Why aren’t we
teaching our children to be partners with each other? To work together as a
team? My husband and I are a team. While I do do the majority of the housework,
my husband does pitch in when he has off. He helps me carry the laundry from
the laundry mat. He does the heavy duty scrubbing chores that I despise. I’ve
said this before in other blogs that while my husband is the head of our
household, he and I discuss everything together. He values my opinion and takes
my feedback into consideration when we need to make a financial decision or a
decision regarding the care of our daughter. If I were to have a son, I want to
teach him how to treat and respect the women in his life. And that doesn’t mean
bow down and worship the ground she walks on but to value her as an important
part in his life.
In conclusion, regardless of gender, our children should be
valued for who they are and taught to work together for the betterment of their
lives and the world. Raising children isn’t easy. It isn’t for the faint of
heart. Some days I want to scream and shut the door against it all. But I’ve
been entrusted with this little girl, and God willing another child, to prepare
her for the world without me. A world where she have to look after herself. So
regardless of what my next child will be, boy or girl, he or she will be a
wonderful addition to our family and will be raised with love. And that’s all that should matter!
I think this is a really good article. You make this information interesting and engaging. You give readers a lot to think about and I appreciate that kind of writing.
ReplyDeleteRaising Boys Versus Girls
Thank you!
DeleteI think this is a really good article. You make this information interesting and engaging. You give readers a lot to think about and I appreciate that kind of writing.
ReplyDeleteRaising Boys Versus Girls
Thank you so much!
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