My first kiss: why some memories are stronger than others

Do you remember your first kiss? Do you remember where you were? Who was it with? What details stand out about the moment and what details have been lost to time? This year has been a great year for milestone anniversaries. In a few days, my husband and I will celebrate ten years of marriage. And I started to think about our journey together. My first ever kiss was with the man who became my husband. As I was his first ever kiss. We were “late bloomers” in life and we found in each other a soul mate. Our first kiss was quick, sweet and one of the best moments of my life. I was curious why certain aspects of that day were remembered better than others.

My husband and I were on a date to Knott’s Berry Farm in Buena Park, California, an amusement park which seems to be a standard day to spend together for new couples. We were in line for the roller coaster, GhostRider. It is the longest, tallest, and fastest wooden roller coaster on the West Coast. It stands 118 feet and is 4,533 feet in length. It can reach speeds of 56 mph and lasts 2 minutes and 40 seconds. I love roller coasters and while we were in line, we talked as people do. I realize now that as we got closer and closer to the front of the line, my husband got more and more nervous. And as we sat in the coaster, waiting for the ride to take off, he leaned over and quickly kissed me. And before I could react, the ride took off! I don’t remember much of the actual ride. I remember replaying the kiss in my head for the brief ride. When the coaster came to a stop, and before we were released from our seats, he leaned over and kissed me again. I always joked he kissed me first as a “Hey I may die on this, so I might as well go for it.” And he kissed me the second time was “Thank God, I survived!”

Looking back on that first kiss, I find it funny what details I remember and which ones I don’t. I remember it was July 7, 2007. The weather was pleasant considering it was summer and Southern California. GhostRider was the first ride we went on when we got there. I don’t remember what we were wearing, and I don’t remember much of the day after that. I don’t even remember what other rides we went on, if we did at all. The one moment of the whole day is that one ride and those kisses. Although I do remember the kiss goodnight. Why do we remember some details and forget others? According to psychologist, Dr. Shahram Heshmat, the answer is our emotions. Our emotions act like a highlighter and enhances certain aspects of events and more them more memorable. Emotions can bring more clarity and attention to certain aspects. “Nothing focuses the mind like surprise” (Shahram, 2015). Nothing is more surprising then being kissed on a roller coaster! Emotionally charged events focus the attention and enhance the consolidation of a memory due to the stress hormones epinephrine and cortisol (Shahram, 2015).

Sometimes our memories are connected to sights, sounds, and smells. Memories can be connected to a physical location; they are reminded of times long past. Sometimes being in the physical location brings up the memories and sometimes it is just the mention of the location can invoke strong memories. Music is connected to us in many ways and the strongest connection is with our memories. Most of us can recall how old we were when a certain song plays. “Oh, when this song was released, I was [insert age].” Songs which reminds us of childhood or teenage memories. Kenny Chesney sings about it in his song I Go Back (2004). Smells is also another strong connector with memories. When someone smells a certain perfume or cologne, they may be reminded of a loved one that is no longer around. One of the reasons real estate agents put out freshly baked cookies, when trying to sell a house is, they want to invoke childhood memories of home and help potential buyers envision themselves in the home.

In conclusion, the memory of my first kiss is strong with certain details and fuzzy in others. I even asked my husband what he remembers of that day. Either he doesn’t remember much, or he didn’t want to tell me what exactly he remembered because he didn’t tell me anything. Emotions help enhance details of our past and helps store memories. Times of stress and high emotions enhance the brain’s ability to store memories in long term storage. It is why we often remember where we were and what we were doing during major world events. Other factors help enhance and store memories, including physical locations, music and smells. Do you remember your first kiss? What do you remember most about that day? What locations, sounds or smells can help bring up the memories?

                                                                     References

Heshmat, Shahram. “Why Do We Remember Certain Things, But Forget Others?” Psychology Today. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/science-choice/201510/why-do-we-remember-certain-things-forget-others. October 8, 2015. Retrieved June 20, 2019.

Knott’s Berry Farm. GhostRider. www.knotts.com/play/rides/ghostrider. Retrieved June 20, 2019.