Yesterday I turned 40. I know some women, and men, would run
and hide before announcing their age; however, age is just a number. Many
people have asked me if I was scared to turn 40. I’m not. Age is a matter of
perspective. You are as old or as young as you feel physical as well mentally.
Looking back on my life so far, there are very few regrets. A few things I
would change or do better, but no real regrets as every decision as led me to
the life I have now. Here are a few things I have learned over my 40 years.
1. Do not compromise your beliefs, morals or philosophy for
anyone. You can change your mind but do so without coercion or threat.
2. Actions speak volumes and words are empty when actions
don’t back them up. Show gratitude especially to those who go out of their way
to help you. When you borrow money, pay it back. Don’t make promises you can’t or
won’t keep.
3. Face your fears. You may find it wasn’t as bad as you
thought, and you’ll be stronger for it.
4. Learn to stand up for yourself and set boundaries. I have
always hated confrontation, and still do, but I have learned that my fear of
confronting someone only hurts me in the long run and allows others to continue
behaviors that hurt us. Don’t let people guilt you into questioning or
eliminating a boundary. They are there for a reason.
5. Plan for the future, expect the unexpected but don’t
forget to live for today. Life is a roller coaster with its twists and turns,
ups and downs and speed, especially speed. Years go by fast. In a blink of an
eye, I’ve been married for 10 years and it feels as if it was just yesterday.
To quote Ferris Bueller, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look
around once in a while, you could miss it.”
6. God doesn’t always give us what we want when we want it.
But He will give us what we need when we need it.
7. I know people hate to hear this but…Everything happens
for a reason. Whether it is a direct result of our own decisions or someone
else’s actions, our troubles, heartaches, are lessons and experiences that God
will use in the future. It could to help us avoid these events in the future or
it could be to help someone else through the same experience.
8. Follow your heart. You like something, embrace it. You
love certain style of clothes, wear there. Don’t follow trends or societal
dictates simply because society tells you that you need to.
9. Follow your first gut instinct. It is usually right in
the first place. Learn to listen to the little voice in your head that tells
you something’s wrong. Learn to recognize red flags and don’t ignore them.
10. You can decide who you allow in your life. Just because
you are related to someone doesn’t mean you have to have a close, or even a
relationship at all, with them. A toxic person is toxic regardless of the
relationship. I don’t care if someone is a friend, a sibling, a parent. If that
person hurts you in any way, physically or mentally, you are allowed to say
enough’s enough and close the door on that relationship. Surround yourself with
people who love you, support you and will lovingly correct you when you are
wrong.
11. Find yourself a partner who is your best friend first.
Someone you can laugh with, have deep conversations with. Someone you can cry
with. Someone you can share your deepest secrets, thoughts, fears and dreams
and know they will never tell another soul or hold it against you. Someone you
can tease, be sarcastic with, even argue with but at the end of the day, he or
she will kiss you goodnight and say, “I love you.” Sexual attraction is
important but it’s not everything. And say “I love you” often. It’s scary at
first but it gets easier
12. Be humble. Admit when you are human and will make
mistakes. Not just to others but to yourself as well. Mistakes are failures to
be used as stepping stones to future success. You don’t have to have all the
answers, just know where to find them when you need them.
13. Talk to your elders. One main regret in my life is that
I didn’t talk with my grandfathers more. My parental grandfather lived in
another state, so distance made it easy to not talk. I grew up with my maternal
grandfather more and I found him very intimidating and I was very shy. Now, as
an adult, there is so much I wish I asked. It’s funny though, he has been gone
for almost 23 years and I can still feel his strong hugs every now and then.
14. Life isn’t fair. Sometimes we get rewarded for our good
deeds and sometimes we don’t. The trick is to roll with the punches. Learn to
deal with the things you can and let go of the things you can’t. You cannot fix
other people’s problems. Leave that to them. You may advise or suggest but the
ultimate solution must be their actions. Just like your problems are yours to
fix.
15. Forgive. Not just for those who hurt you but for your own
wellbeing. Unforgiveness is like a stone around your neck. It will drag you
down, turn you bitter. It is like a thorn in your heart that will fester and do
you more harm than the original injury. And don’t hate. You may dislike someone
or someone and that’s ok. But don’t hate. Hate is another thing that can turn
you bitter and cold.
In conclusion, turning 40 is a milestone that some never
see. I count myself fortunate as I am healthy, and my family is healthy. As I look
back over my life, there is no time than now that I’d rather be. I am stronger
than my younger self. I am wiser than my younger self and I hope to pass on my
lessons to my daughters, so they can be better prepared to deal with life’s
twists and turns. Turning 40 isn’t something to be feared. It is to be
celebrated. I’d rather be 40 and married to my wonderful husband and have my
two beautiful daughters than be 21 again. I look forward to my next 40 years.
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