What are empaths?

Do you know anyone who seems to carry the weight of the world on their shoulders? Someone who seems to completely understand what you are going through. Or maybe it is you? Maybe you can connect with someone on a deeper level than just simply empathizing. Over the past couple years, I have heard the term, “empath” and everyone seems to claim that they are one. I have only casually researched what an empath was. Recently; however, I became curious what was an empath really was. What does it entail to be an empath? And how can you distinguish between a real empath and a fake one?

According to an online dictionary, empath is defined as a person with the paranormal ability to apprehend the mental or emotional state of another individual. However, Dr. Judith Orloff, states that the trademark characteristic of an empath is the ability to feel and absorb another’s emotions and or physical symptoms due to high sensitivities. Empaths tend to filter the world through their intuition and have a difficult time intellectualizing their feelings (Orloff). Often overwhelmed with the impact of stressful emotions, empaths can have panic attacks, depression, chronic fatigue, and other physical symptoms which cannot be medically explained as well as engage in food, sex and/or drug binges (Orloff). When you search for signs or traits of an empath, you might get overwhelmed with the number of articles with some suggest there are numerous traits. However, many traits overlap. One classic trait is an empath will take on others’ emotions as their own (Solo, 2019). Many of the traits describe an introvert such as needing alone time and being overwhelmed in crowds which is possibly why so many people claim to be empaths. Another core trait is an empath will be able to understand where people are coming from (Solo, 2019).

During my research, I came across a term, covert narcissist, essentially someone who claims to be an empath but is really not. Covert narcissists care for themselves and the idea of caring for others. Many times, they will rally for the rights of others because it feeds their ego and makes them look good (Bell, 2017). Many covert narcissists have the attitude that they are the “misunderstood special person” (Ni, 2016). This attitude includes statements to the effect that they are special, one of a kind, or ahead of their time: “I’m so unique that no one can possibly understand me.” Covert narcissist still crave attention; however, they will do so passively and will try to sabotage someone’s other relationships if it is in their way (Winter, 2018). They are highly sensitive to negative feedback and will vilify anyone who dares try to unmask them. “They’ll use their shyness to rope people in who will do their best to nurture them, reassure them of how special and giving and kind they are, and then turn around and vilify their White Knight if they dare to pull back and stop lavishing them with praise” (Winter, 2018).

After reading the descriptions of an empath and a covert narcissist, it seems hard that one can pretend to be other. However, I can think of a couple of examples from my life which I can now say these individuals were covert narcissists. Dr. Ava Pommerenk suggests three basic methods to uncover a covert narcissist. First, set and reset boundaries. The best way is to respectfully and calmly set boundaries and note their response. A true empath, while initially embarrassed and/or defensive at being called out, would consider why what they said or did was wrong and understand your position. A covert narcissist will not and will play the victim and you the perpetrator. Second, watch what they do when you get angry and frustrated. An empath will immediately care and offer some help or reassurance. A covert narcissist will, at first care, but will eventually grow impatient or act wounded by your anger and frustration. Third, ask a lot of pointed questions and observe how they identify with being a helper. An empath will detail their own spiritual path and how it led to helping others. A covert narcissist’s narrative will show how shallow they are when the narrative focuses on themselves and how they have helped others rather than their journey to that path.

In conclusion, empaths are people who feel deeper empathy for others. Empaths are often overwhelmed by emotions as they view the events of the world. Covert narcissists are empaths in disguise in which they portray themselves as empaths in order to manipulate others and hide their own insecurities. Of course, as with any topic, the information out there about empaths is vast and expansive, so I have only written on overview of the main details and encourage you to seek out more information if you wish.

References

Bell, Margaret. November 8, 2017. The narcissist as the empath. http://margaretbellcounseling.org/blog/2017/11/7/the-narcissist-as-the-empath. Retrieved April 16, 2019.

Ni, Preston. January 10, 2016. 7 Signs of a Covert Introvert Narcissist. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/communication-success/201601/7-signs-covert-introvert-narcissist. Retrieved April 16, 2019.

Orloff, Judith. Top 10 Traits of an Empath. www.drjudithorloff.com/top-10-traits-of-an-empath. Retrieved April 16, 2019.

Pommerenk, Ava. December 12, 2018. Narcissists claiming to be Empaths and Three Methods to Uncover the Truth. medium.com/@apommerenk/narcissists-claiming-to-be-empaths-three-methods-to-uncover-the-truth-daf841bbe15f. Retrieved April 16, 2019.

Solo, Andre. January 18, 2019. 13 Signs You are an Empath. www.highlysensitiverefuge.com/empath-signs. Retrieved April 16, 2019.

Winter, Catherine. Mary 18, 2018. The Covert Narcissist and Why They Can Be So Hard to Identify. www.aconsciousrethink.com/5420/covert-narcissist. Retrieved April 16, 2019.