With the passing of my father, I reflect on the memories, the wounds and the healing

Steven Joseph Nelson was born in Klamath Falls, Oregon as the oldest son of Claire M. and Marlene J. (nee Mingo) Nelson on September 22, 1954. At 18, he hitchhiked to California and eventually settled in Orange County. In 1977, he married his wife and they had four children. After 14 years of marriage, they divorced. He enjoyed flying and playing guitar. He is survived by his ex-wife, his four children, two sons in law, four granddaughters, three grandsons, his younger brother, his aunt and cousins and friends. On April 5, 2026, after a brief illness, I got word that my father died in his sleep. He was 71 years old. I was left with bittersweet and conflicted feelings. The thing is my father and I had a very basic relationship. He barely knew me and I definitely didn’t know him. The last time I talked to him was in September 2025 when he started to decline. He was so weak and could barely talk that it was a short conversation. But I realized that I didn’t have much to say to him. Through my life as I dealt with the issues in my life, I came to the realization that Steven Nelson was my father, but he was not my dad. 

In the days following his death, I wanted to focus on the happy memories I had of him. However, the more I thought of the happy memories, the more I was confronted with when he hurt and disappointed me. I started playing the flute in the fourth grade. When I wasn’t playing as well as he thought I should have been, my dad took me aside and played me a song by Jethro Tull and said “this is how the flute should sound like.” Anyone who knows Jethro Tull knows that Ian Anderson is a genius on the flute. To say it crushed me is an understatement. I knew I couldn’t play like Ian Anderson, so I gave up and never played it again. He didn’t show up for my 8th grade promotion ceremony claiming I, or my mother, never told him about it. I know we did. He barely made it to my high school graduation ceremony. Although he did come to my second college graduation and eventually my wedding. On the rare occasion when I needed help, I got the “the only time you guys call me is when you need money.” Anyone who truly knows me, knows how hard it is for me to ask for help. It was a blow that stung and I never called him again for anything after that. In recent years, we did try to have more of a relationship and there have been phone calls but there were few and far between. Either it was by choice or busy schedule, time got away from us both. 

I don’t write this to villainize my father. He was a broken man who found it easier to walk away. Though his example taught me what type of man I did not want. I did not want a man who wasn’t willing to work hard for the things he wanted in life. I wanted a man who engaged with his children, to celebrate their successes and encourage them when they failed. I wanted a man who would support me in my dreams, comfort me when I am afraid and encourage me to be better than I was the day before. A man who wasn’t afraid to be vulnerable, to admit he was wrong, to sincerely apologize and try to make it right. God brought such a man into my life when I needed him the most. My husband and I will be celebrating 17 years of marriage this July and while we have had our ups and downs, we are stronger together because of them. My husband is the type of father I wish I had. I love watching him interact with our daughters, to share similar interests and activities. He and our oldest daughter love watching horror films together. He and our youngest daughter enjoy doing yardwork together and watching old 80s cartoons. My husband is not a perfect man but he is a great man who tries. He admits when he is wrong, apologizes when he needs to and isn’t afraid to have deep emotional conversations. My husband is the first person I turn to. He has been my biggest cheerleader and protector. He is my best friend. 

A lot of people may ask how I was able to rise above my conflicted feelings about my dad. It is because of my relationship with Jesus Christ. Through Jesus, I have a Father who loves me unconditionally and never leaves me. You may ask how do I know he is always with me. I have many examples but one poignant moment that sticks out in my mind. On October 30, 2013, I went into preterm labor with my second daughter and in order to give her a better, slim but better, chance at survival, I went through a c-section. Sadly, she did not survive and I was in the hospital recovering. One of my aunts was there at the hospital and before she left, she prayed for me. When she left, I felt a distinct pressure on my head, as if someone laid a hand down in comfort. I remember crying for the first time since I arrived at the hospital. I even tear up thinking about it now 13 years later. He can do the same for you. He wants to be there in your sorrows and your joys. He loves you so much that he sent his only son, Jesus (John 3:16). He is a father to the fatherless (Psalm 68:5, Psalm 10:14, Hosea 14:3). He desires a personal relationship with you. He desires to have personal communication with us. In prayer, we can speak directly to him and he answers through his scriptures (Matthew 7:7–8,11) and he knows our needs before we even ask for them (Matthew 6:8). He is always with us. When everyone who puts their faith in Jesus, the Holy Spirit is sent to us and never leaves us (John 14:16-17). Every good and perfect gift in my life, I know, have been given to me by my Father in Heaven (James 1:7). 

There is a difference between a father and a dad. Fathers are simply genetics but a dad is who helps shape their children’s lives. Plenty of men become fathers, but not all become dads. To the fathers out there, please fight for your children and be a dad. You can have a big positive impact on their lives. It may not seem like it but you do. Sons will learn how to be a man, a husband and a father from you. Daughters will learn what real love looks like and how a man who truly loves her will treat her from you. You have the choice to be your son’s first hero or first villain. You have the choice to be your daughter’s first love or her first heartbreak. Choose wisely. To the daughters out there who have the not so great or absent fathers, I feel your pain. It sucks and you deserve better. However, you can take his example and rise above it. Go through the grieving process as you heal from the wounds and the wounds can heal. It will be a painful chapter in your life; however, the pain does not need to define every moment. You deserve to be loved and cherished by a man who truly loves who and shows it every day. You can take your father’s example and look for the man who is his opposite in every way. Find a man who gives your future daughters the dads they deserve. The man who fits the bill may surprise you but you will wake up every day grateful that he loves you, perfections and imperfections and all. 

My father has passed away. But I do not grieve for him as my dad. I am sorry that his life is now over; however, I know in recent months, he had turned to Christ and accepted him as his Lord and Savior. I pray that it was sincere and that he was welcomed into Jesus's arms. I also pray that it was a happy reunion with his mother who passed away last year. While I am not left with many happy memories, I am left with an understanding that the mistakes of the past do not dictate my future. They influence what I can do better. I am grateful I have a Heavenly Father who loves me unconditionally. I am grateful that he is listening to me and waiting to give me all I need. All I need to do is ask. I am grateful that He sent me a husband who is a godly husband and father. I am grateful that my daughters have a better relationship with their father than the one I had with mine. To those who have a father shaped hole in your life, God the Father wants to have that relationship with you. Come to him with an open heart, put your faith in Jesus and nothing can separate you from Him (Romans 8: 36--39). 

Everybody's Favorite Guy: a forced proximity romantic short story

Everybody’s Favorite Guy by Katherine Center is a short story of two people forced to confront the past. Lily had fallen in love with her childhood friend, Walker, back in high school. When his stinging rejection crushed her, she vowed never to see him again. A vow she had kept until their families plot to get them together again. It is now seven years later, their families are gathering at a cabin in the Rockies. Lily and Walker arrive first and a sudden snowstorm traps them overnight with no power. Thanks to a cozy fire, a prowling bear and time, they confront their past and Lily learns that the past is a little more complicated than she thought. Could this be a new beginning for them both? Or will it tear them apart for good? 

Katherine Center is always great for an emotional story with humor and unusual circumstances. I usually don’t read short stories but I could not resist one written by Ms. Center. I wanted more. I didn’t want to say goodbye so quickly to Lily and Walker. I enjoyed their reunion and their night at the cabin. The tension was great and it was evident that her feelings for Walker were still there and even that Walker had feelings for her. But why did he reject her so hurtfully? His reason was noble but his method was questionable. There are bittersweet moments, plenty of laughs and the end will leave you with a smile. Overall, I enjoyed this story. If you enjoy a quick story of second chance romance, I highly recommend Everybody’s Favorite Guy. 

Everybody’s Favorite Guy is available in eBook and audiobook

Mistakes Were Made: he's straight laced, she's fly by the seat of her pants. Their relationship would be a disaster. Or would it?

Mistakes Were Made is the second book in the Story Lake series by Lucy Score. Zoey Moody is a literary agent who doesn’t like small town life. However, after being exiled from Manhattan’s publishing world, Zoey is forced to stay in the tiny Pennsylvania small town with Hazel, her best friend forever and her only remaining client. She needs Hazel’s next book to be a massive hit and she is determined to let nothing stand in her way except her gorgeous six foot two inch landlord. Gage Bishop is smart, serious, and sexy. Their mutual attraction is obvious; however, Gage is looking for a wife and Zoey is simply looking for a fun time. Gage thinks Zoey as the most beautiful woman he has ever met, but they are opposites. Where he is organized and has five year plans, Zoey is disorganized and can’t seem to work a calendar app. However, when a family secret rocks his world, Gage turns to Zoey for one night to forget everything. Will one night be enough? Will Gage and Zoey realize that all they are looking for is right in front of them? 

I read book one, Story of My Life, and fell in love with the quirky small town. So I eagerly awaited Mistakes Were Made. From page one, this story had me laughing out loud. Oh the banter between Gage and Zoey, between Gage and his brothers and between other characters was so great. At times my face hurt with how much I was grinning. The romance between Gage and Zoey was spicy but sweet and tender as well. There is drama and my heart breaks for Zoey as she tries and yet still struggles with ADHD and keeping the aspects of her life up and running. Ms Score lovingly and realistically portrays ADHD and Zoey’s struggles as well as her elation when the changes she makes start to work. I loved all the Bishop family as they fought with each other and for each other. I loved all the animals and their personalities and antics, especially Gage’s dog, Nana. Overall, I love this book and didn’t want it to end. I love this series and I can’t wait for book three and Levi’s story. I highly, highly recommend Mistakes Were Made. 

Mistakes Were Made is available in paperback, eBook and audiobook

The Last Letter: an emotional tragic story with loss, struggles and love

The Last Letter by Rebecca Yarros is a story of loss, love and the struggles. Ella MacKenzie was asked by her brother, Ryan, to write to his fellow serviceman who didn’t get many letters from home. She eagerly does. She and Beckett Gentry begin a friendship through their letters. Although she only knows him by his call sign, Chaos. When Ryan is killed in action, his last letter is to Beckett, asking him to watch over his sister and her two six year old twins, Colt and Maisie in Telluride, Colorado. Ella is raising her children on her own while running a local bed and breakfast and dealing with Maisie’s health struggles. Beckett leaves the army and arrives in Telluride with his retired K-9, Havoc, and immediately jumps into his new role. At first, Ella is resistant but soon there is an attraction that neither can resist. However, there are still secrets between them and the truth could threaten to tear them apart. 

I have seen The Last Letter heavily on social media. Many reviews highly recommended it while others warned the emotional damage readers would suffer after reading it. I looked forward to a good emotional story. From the opening chapter to the closing pages, the emotions and tears flowed. There were also moments of laughter and smiles. I loved Beckett as he takes his role as protector seriously. I loved Ella as an independent woman who was determined to prove those who doubt her wrong. I loved Colt and Maisie as the precocious twins with their unusual bond. I even loved Havoc and wished to have a dog like her. The ending was tragic but an expected tragedy. I was expecting one of five deaths and the death did not play out the way I expected. My only nitpick is one scene where a character from Lord of the Rings was referenced and in the book, the name was spelt, AOWYN when the character is EOWYN. If you are going to reference another character, spell the name correctly! Overall, I did enjoy this story. I highly recommend The Last Letter. 

The Last Letter is available in paperback, eBook and audiobook

The Color of a Memory: grief, loss and moving forward with the memories

The Color of a Memory is the fifth book in The Color of Heaven series by Julianne MacLean. ER nurse Audrey Fitzgerald believed she had married a perfect man. Alex was a loving husband, a devoted father and a heroic firefighter who risked his life to save others. A year after his tragic death, she is struggling to move on when she finds information that threatens all she thought she knew about her husband. A picture and a name she had never heard before. A mysterious woman who holds the key to everything. Audrey discovers that in the weeks leading up to his death, Alex was distant, distracted and keeping secrets. With the help of a friend, she digs into his past and begins a journey that would lead her to a new future, one she never could have imagined. 

Continuing the arc which began in the third book, The Color of a Memory explores grief, loss and moving forward. This story had so many twists and turns that it kept me on the edge of my seat. My heart sank as Audrey discovered the evidence of what she thought was Alex’s secrets and the doubts that filled her head. I gasped at the reveal of who the mysterious woman was and her connection to Alex. I loved the interconnection of the characters and an example of how our own lives are interconnected whether we ever know it or not in a chain of events that can change lives forever. I enjoyed this story and I look forward to reading the rest of this series. I highly recommend The Color of a Memory and the earlier books in The Color of Heaven series. 

The Color of a Memory is available in paperback, eBook and audiobook

Hello Again: a sweet, clean second chance romance

Hello Again is the first book in the In The Garden series by Heather Tullis. Piper Daniels has only one wish: to keep Spencer, her little brother, out of trouble. However, between her work schedule and the lack of activities for teens in her neighborhood leaves her searching for options. When she comes to the idea of a community garden, she is inspired and dives into making her plan a reality. Until she hits a snag. The owner of the property she wants to use is a former flame. Reece Stone was the love of her life ten years ago. However, he left with a phone call goodbye and no other explanation. Now he is the head of Stone Enterprises and when Piper’s garden proposal comes across his desk, he is thrilled to have a second chance with her. 

Hello Again is a sweet, clean romance. I loved Piper as she works hard and struggles to help her little brother stay on the straight and narrow. Her idea of a community garden sounded fun and I loved how her friends supported her and helped her develop the plan. I also enjoyed Reece as he struggles to overcome his father’s shadow and run the business. I also liked how he interacted with Spencer. The romance between Piper and Reece was sweet but the plot itself with the garden was a bit too slow for me. Overall, I enjoyed the story. It was a nice read for a lazy afternoon. However, I am unsure if I will continue the series. If you enjoy sweet, clean second chance romance, I recommend Hello Again. 

Hello Again is available in paperback and eBook

 

Wolvers: pursuit, survival and redemption deep in the American Southwest

Wolvers by Taylor Brown is a story of pursuit, survival and redemption deep in the American Southwest. Trace Temple is looking for revenge. Broke and angry at the government after his family loses their New Mexico ranch. Living out of his truck when he is approached by a shady militia movement hires him to take down One-Eleven, the legendary she-wolf of the Dark Canyon pack. However, One-Eleven is no ordinary wolf. Cunning and seasoned in the ways of men, she’s always one step ahead of those who hunt her. After surviving a brush with death, Trace has a change of heart and joins forces with a survivalist and a local rancher in order to stop his replacement: a professional hunter and assassin who ruthlessly pursues his quarry including Trace himself. 

I have always loved wolves and find them fascinating. Wolvers is defined as one who behaves like a wolf or one who searches or hunts for wolves. From the opening chapter, Wolvers is a suspenseful, thrilling story as nature battles man and man battles man. I loved the wolf, One-Eleven as she skillfully eludes her hunters and I thoroughly enjoyed her sections of the story. Mr Brown does a great job with One-Eleven’s personality and I was reminded of Two Socks from Dances With Wolves (1990) and Jack London’s White Fang (1906). The sections with Trace and the other humans definitely had me rooting for One-Eleven and her pack. Overall, I enjoyed this story. It was thrilling and kept me on the edge of my seat. I highly recommend Wolvers. 

Wolvers is available in hardcover, eBook and audiobook