Here's to 10 years of marriage and many more!

To my wonderful husband,  

Tomorrow marks our tenth wedding anniversary. Traditional wedding anniversary gifts are tin or aluminum which represents durability and flexibility needed to sustain a loving relationship. Modern wedding anniversary gift is diamonds which represents longevity and love. The daffodil is considered a tenth wedding anniversary gift for it represents rebirth and new beginning. Daffodils are the first blooms to pop up after a long winter. Tin, aluminum, diamond and daffodils are good symbols of our first ten years. Being married for ten years is quite an accomplishment today. We have seen good times and we have seen bad times. We had times when it seemed the bleakest, but we pulled through with our faith in God and in each other.

As I look back over our first five years, I see so much that rocked us to the core, but we stood firm. We miscarried twice in the early years. We suffered our second daughter’s premature birth and death. The grief stemming from these events pulled us closer when we’ve seen other couple being torn apart from their grief. You have been a rock in those early months following her death, making sure I was okay and encouraging me as I worked through my grief. As the densest cloud of grief cleared, we were able to talk about our experience with her death and I learned how deeply you suffered from her loss too. One of the brightest spots in those early years was the birth of our daughter, Abby. A beautiful young lady who is full of life and maturity that at 7 years old is amazing. She is your little girl and buddy. You two are two peas in a pod. I look at her and see you clear as day. She loves collecting her figures and displaying them like Daddy does. She is my fellow bookworm. She loves to read and wants to review books like Mommy does.

The last five years has put our marriage to the test in ways in hadn’t been tested before. Challenges and obstacles that almost broke us. We were able to pull tighter together and rely on God’s guidance and grace to help us when all things seemed hopeless. Three more miscarriages, each one another disappointment but we were determined to keep trying. We went through turbulent financial times that we struggled through, but I feel we are finally in a place that we have learned the lesson of the past and work hard to avoid those mistakes again. You achieved one of your dream when you were promoted, and we were in a better position to buy a reliable car and move into a new home. Another bright spot and surprise of the last five years was the birth of Zoe. She has been a wonderful addition to our family and watching you interact with her truly warms my heart and makes me smile. Another Daddy’s girl in the making, I love the way she smiles and laughs with you. Even your ability to rock her to sleep when she resists falling asleep for me.

Now we look to the future. We have so many changes coming. Many of them are good and couple are scary. But I know that together we can weather any storm. I know that we were brought together by God. Even though we both have a few more gray hairs and extra pounds, I still see the man who nervously sat down on my table and asked me to a movie. I see the man who sweetly asked me to marry him. I see a fiercely loyal man who burns with anger when your loved ones are hurt. I see the man who loves his family so much that he gets up and goes to work when he’d rather sleep in. I see the man who can make me laugh. I love that we can be sarcastic with each other and still flirt after all this time. I love getting up in the morning with you, to hand you your coffee and lunch and kiss you goodbye as you head to work. Together, we are the missing pieces of each other. We know each other well enough to know when something is wrong even when we don’t want to talk about it.  

Tomorrow we are enjoying the day as a family and I can’t think of a better way to spend the day. I love the imagery of the ten-year anniversary gifts. With tin/aluminum, we have the flexibility and durability to weather the challenges that life chooses to put in our path. With diamonds, we have the longevity to push forward. And the daffodil, a beautiful flower that pushes through the cold winter into the spring. Even though we may face cold, harsh winters in the future, I know that we will be able to push to the spring of better days. I look forward to the next ten years and beyond!

I love you, 

Your loving wife

My not-so-guilty pleasures

A guilty pleasure is defined as something that one enjoys despite knowing that he or she might be ridiculed for their enjoyment. Sometimes it is something that people might think someone shouldn’t like it because its 1) so bad it isn’t worth it or 2) someone is “too old” for it or it’s considered for children. In the words of British actor Tom Hiddleston, “What’s my guilty pleasure? The thing is I never feel guilty for my pleasures.” I don’t like calling a few of my pleasures guilty ones because I don’t feel guilty enjoying them. However, the following TV shows, music, movies, and books would probably fall into this category in which I have chosen three.

TV shows can be the most popular within the guilty pleasure category. First, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, and it’s spin off, The Equestria Girls. I started watching this program with my, then 3-year-old, daughter, and now I enjoy watching it as much as she does, sometimes more. It’s fun and engaging with life lessons about embracing our differences as the spice of life and being friends. It is currently in its ninth and final season. Second, Catfish (2012-present) is a MTV show based on the 2010 documentary of the same name. The show follows hosts, Nev Schulman and Max Joseph, as they help individuals confront others who catfished them. Catfishing is when a person creates a fake personal profile on social media sites, usually using fake pictures and false biographical information. The intention for the catfisher is usually to trick an unsuspecting person into falling love or have some form of online relationship with no physical contact. I usually don’t watch a lot of reality tv, but this show captured my attention and I couldn’t help but watch. I was always interested in how people were fooled, what tipped them off that something wasn’t right and how they end up confronting the individual in real life. Viewers can usually learn what not to do when it comes to online contact and signs to be weary of. Third, I love the TLC reality shows, Say Yes to the Dress and Say Yes to the Dress: Atlanta. The drama surrounding weddings is inevitable and its fun to see who causes what. And they usually have a tear-jerking, heart tugging, survival against all odds stories too.

When most people think of guilty pleasures, I think they think of music. Sometimes we like music we probably feel we should not be listening to or even like because it is beyond our age demographic or it isn’t our usual genres. However, a great song is still a great song. First, I love listening to Miley Cyrus’ Wrecking Ball (2013). Disturbing video aside, the song is quite catchy and relates to a relationship falling apart. Even though the song specifically references a romantic relationship, I think that the deterioration of some friendships can relate to the song. Two lyrics stand out to me, “Don’t you even say I just walked away” and “I never meant to start a war.” Second, Eminem’s Lose Yourself from the 2002 movie, 8 Mile. The song won the Academy Award for Best Original Song in 2003 and it’s the first (and possibly only) rap song to do so. While I’m not a big rap fan, and I’ve read online that some people don’t even consider this song rap, I enjoy the rhythms of the song. As well as its message of never giving up, never letting an opportunity to follow your dream pass by. Third, Wake Me Up Before you Go Go by Wham! Was a hit in 1984. Although I was only 4 years old when the song was released, it is one of my favorite 80s songs. I will always crank it up and sing along when it comes on the radio, which is quite often considering the stations I listen to in the car. I never get tired of hearing it.

Movies are often a common guilty pleasure too. Movies usually so bad that most people wouldn’t give it another thought. First, I love the Fantastic Four (2005) and Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007). I love Chris Evans as Johnny Storm. He was funny, sarcastic and the banter between Johnny and Ben Grimm (played by Michael Chiklis) is great. While the movies themselves are campy and overall poorly done, I have a special place in my heart for Rise of the Silver Surfer as it was the movie my husband and I saw on our first date. Second, Never Been Kissed (1999) is one of my favorite Drew Barrymore movies. I could relate to her character, Josie, although I wasn’t as socially awkward as she was, I can relate to being smart and not really a part of the popular crowd. And I didn’t receive my first kiss until I was in my late 20s (and it was special that I wouldn’t want it any other way. I love the song, The Beach Boys’ 1964 Don’t Worry Baby, which plays as Josie receives her first kiss on the baseball diamond. Third, Nacho Libre (2006) is a corny comedy which my husband introduced me too when we were dating. Jack Black plays Ignacio aka Nacho, a man who was orphaned as a boy and becomes a monk at the orphanage. He gets the idea to wrestle as a masked luchador in order to buy better food and other provisions for the orphans. It is a fun nonsense movie to watch for pure entertainment. It has mild rude humor with wrestling action/violence but there is no excessive cussing, if there is cussing at all. 

Normally books are not a guilty pleasure for me. However, there is one series that is so outside of the usual books I read that its fun to call it a guilty pleasure and a little forbidden. It is the Highland Series by Karen Marie Moning. It is a series of 8 books, although I have only read 7 of them. I stopped reading the series after the 7^th book when I felt the quality of the author’s writing had fallen. The books are a mixture of modern, historical, and mythological. It figures time travel, magic, dangerous fairies and, of course, erotic love scenes. The characters are typical for romance novels. The handsome hunky hero and the sassy heroine who resists the hero’s advances until she can’t anymore. The Scottish Highlands has become a very popular setting for romance novels. Some authors use the setting well and others use it because it’s popular. Ms. Moning using the Highlands mystic and the Celtic culture and imagery to her advantage and does it well. This series remains one of my favorites. Books that I can keep up for a fast read to kill time or just to get a fix of the fantastical.

In conclusion, I enjoy all the TV shows, music, movies and books without any real guilty. They are a fun way to sit back and be entertained. Honestly, we shouldn’t feel guilty for the things we enjoy. I don’t like watching TV shows or movies or listen to music or read a book similar because it’s popular. Sometimes the hidden gems are in the ones that most people would reject. We never too old to enjoy children’s tv or movies. If we are entertained by TV shows, movies, music and even books, who’s to say we must feel guilty? What are some your “guilty pleasures”?

Whiskey and Gumdrops and Rum and Raindrops: two romance novels that leave a lot to be desired

Today’s review will be a double review. I read the first two books in the Blueberry Springs Sweet Romance series by Jean Oram.

Whiskey and Gumdrops is the first book in this series. It is the story of Mandy Mattson who lives in the small town of Blueberry Springs. She watches from outside a church as her ex-boyfriend, Oz, marries her rival, Beth. While she hides in the bushes, she is sprayed by a skunk and she runs to her best friend, Frankie Smith, for help. Frankie is her best friend, but he has always wanted more, and Mandy keeps him at arm’s length because she doesn’t want to jeopardize the one relationship she relies on the most. One day, Mandy gets the idea to open her own business and soon she is in full swing. She meets with Seth Freedly, CEO of Wrap It Up, a healthy fast food restaurant and signs on as a franchisee. Soon, major hurdles are in her way, both professionally and personally. Will she be able to finally open her business? Will Frankie finally convince her to take their relationship to the next level? Will she allow herself the risk for love?

Whiskey and Gumdrops was a good book. It moved along at a steady pace; however, the plot was a bit predictable with no real shocking twists or reveals. There was no real emotional impact for me. I didn’t really care for Mandy. I found myself siding more with Frankie. All the characters were likeable, and I could envision these people existing in the real world; but there was no real wow factor. The conflicts didn’t seem like conflicts at all but inconveniences that the characters are able to find a solution rather quickly. Overall, the book was not bad. I enjoyed it but it wasn’t a book I will probably read again. I would consider this book a beach book that you could easy read and put down without any urgency to finish.

Whiskey and Gumdrops

is available in paperback and eBook

Rum and Raindrops is the second book of this series. It is the story of Jennifer “Jen” Kulak, a woman who is running from her past while trying to rebuild her life in Blueberry Springs. She is the local nature guide. The story opens with the small town being threatened by forest fire that seems to have been started by Jen when she was camping the days prior. Rob Raine is the fire investigator who has been sent to determine the cause of the fire. Sparks fly immediately between Jen and Rob but the two need to remain distant as the investigation is still on going. They are thrown together when Rob and his sister, Dina, are a part of her weekend canoe trip. Dina and Jen become friends and she becomes more and more open about her past as it seems that her past is trying to find her. Will Jen be cleared from suspicion? Will they catch the fire starter? Will Rob and Jen ever find a timing to begin their relationship?

Rum and Raindrops was a better story than the first book, but it still had it’s cringe worthy moments. There were conversations between women that were stereotypical women talks about orgasms and “banged so good you’ll forget your own name.” Ugh, really?!?! Not all women speak like this! That aside, the tension between Jen and Rob was much better. The conflict of interest added with the undeniable sparks made for a good story. However, the plot was once again predictable and some questions that were raised in the book were not answered. Maybe they will be answered in future books. Overall, this book, like the first one, is a quick beach read that doesn’t require too much effort or emotional investment.

Rum and Raindrops

is available in paperback and eBook

My first kiss: why some memories are stronger than others

Do you remember your first kiss? Do you remember where you were? Who was it with? What details stand out about the moment and what details have been lost to time? This year has been a great year for milestone anniversaries. In a few days, my husband and I will celebrate ten years of marriage. And I started to think about our journey together. My first ever kiss was with the man who became my husband. As I was his first ever kiss. We were “late bloomers” in life and we found in each other a soul mate. Our first kiss was quick, sweet and one of the best moments of my life. I was curious why certain aspects of that day were remembered better than others.

My husband and I were on a date to Knott’s Berry Farm in Buena Park, California, an amusement park which seems to be a standard day to spend together for new couples. We were in line for the roller coaster, GhostRider. It is the longest, tallest, and fastest wooden roller coaster on the West Coast. It stands 118 feet and is 4,533 feet in length. It can reach speeds of 56 mph and lasts 2 minutes and 40 seconds. I love roller coasters and while we were in line, we talked as people do. I realize now that as we got closer and closer to the front of the line, my husband got more and more nervous. And as we sat in the coaster, waiting for the ride to take off, he leaned over and quickly kissed me. And before I could react, the ride took off! I don’t remember much of the actual ride. I remember replaying the kiss in my head for the brief ride. When the coaster came to a stop, and before we were released from our seats, he leaned over and kissed me again. I always joked he kissed me first as a “Hey I may die on this, so I might as well go for it.” And he kissed me the second time was “Thank God, I survived!”

Looking back on that first kiss, I find it funny what details I remember and which ones I don’t. I remember it was July 7, 2007. The weather was pleasant considering it was summer and Southern California. GhostRider was the first ride we went on when we got there. I don’t remember what we were wearing, and I don’t remember much of the day after that. I don’t even remember what other rides we went on, if we did at all. The one moment of the whole day is that one ride and those kisses. Although I do remember the kiss goodnight. Why do we remember some details and forget others? According to psychologist, Dr. Shahram Heshmat, the answer is our emotions. Our emotions act like a highlighter and enhances certain aspects of events and more them more memorable. Emotions can bring more clarity and attention to certain aspects. “Nothing focuses the mind like surprise” (Shahram, 2015). Nothing is more surprising then being kissed on a roller coaster! Emotionally charged events focus the attention and enhance the consolidation of a memory due to the stress hormones epinephrine and cortisol (Shahram, 2015).

Sometimes our memories are connected to sights, sounds, and smells. Memories can be connected to a physical location; they are reminded of times long past. Sometimes being in the physical location brings up the memories and sometimes it is just the mention of the location can invoke strong memories. Music is connected to us in many ways and the strongest connection is with our memories. Most of us can recall how old we were when a certain song plays. “Oh, when this song was released, I was [insert age].” Songs which reminds us of childhood or teenage memories. Kenny Chesney sings about it in his song I Go Back (2004). Smells is also another strong connector with memories. When someone smells a certain perfume or cologne, they may be reminded of a loved one that is no longer around. One of the reasons real estate agents put out freshly baked cookies, when trying to sell a house is, they want to invoke childhood memories of home and help potential buyers envision themselves in the home.

In conclusion, the memory of my first kiss is strong with certain details and fuzzy in others. I even asked my husband what he remembers of that day. Either he doesn’t remember much, or he didn’t want to tell me what exactly he remembered because he didn’t tell me anything. Emotions help enhance details of our past and helps store memories. Times of stress and high emotions enhance the brain’s ability to store memories in long term storage. It is why we often remember where we were and what we were doing during major world events. Other factors help enhance and store memories, including physical locations, music and smells. Do you remember your first kiss? What do you remember most about that day? What locations, sounds or smells can help bring up the memories?

                                                                     References

Heshmat, Shahram. “Why Do We Remember Certain Things, But Forget Others?” Psychology Today. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/science-choice/201510/why-do-we-remember-certain-things-forget-others. October 8, 2015. Retrieved June 20, 2019.

Knott’s Berry Farm. GhostRider. www.knotts.com/play/rides/ghostrider. Retrieved June 20, 2019.