True North: a friends to lovers romance with plenty of emotions

True North is the first book in the North Brothers series by Amy Knupp. Cole North has always felt like the odd man out. With a high IQ, he falters when it comes to personal relationships. Years ago, he left his rightful position in the family business and began a successful career in construction instead. Cole is the foreman for Sierra Lowell, owner of Dunn and Lowell, a remodeling company. She is creative, hardworking and likes to think outside the box. She has one rule: do not mix business with pleasure. When a last minute break up leaves her without a date for her sister’s wedding. Cole surprises her and himself when he offers to be her fake date for the night. When their evening turns into a family emergency, Sierra sees a side of Cole she never knew and the line between boss and foreman becomes blurry. Can Cole go from her right hand man to the right man for her? 

True North is friends to lovers romance with lots of sweet moments, plenty of angst and filled with emotions. I enjoyed Sierra and Cole from the beginning and wondered what in Cole’s past left him determined to be a loner for the rest of his life. There is a moment when Cole comes to terms with a past he can’t change and words he cannot take back, I cried. I wasn’t expecting tears in this romance. It was a beautiful scene with great descriptions. I loved Sierra’s confidence, her ability to stand up for herself and call Cole out on his self-defeating behavior. I also loved the banter between Cole and his brothers. I enjoyed the sisterly bond between Sierra and her sister. Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed this story and I am looking forward to reading the rest of the series. If you enjoy a friends to lovers romance with lots of emotions, I highly recommend True North. 

True North is available in paperback, eBook and audiobook

Redeeming 6: the continuing story of Joey and Aoife with drama, heart break and a chance for a happily ever after

Redeeming 6 is the fourth book of the Boys of Tommen series by Chloe Walsh and the story continues with Joey Lynch and Aoife Molloy. Joey’s life is on a downward spiral and Aoife is there to help him out. Desperate to prove himself worthy of Aoife’s love and trust, he fights hard to end his addiction. As the odds continue to rise against him, and despite others telling her to move on, Aoife is determined to fight for the boy who has her heart, her best friend. However, as she gets devastating news herself, news that changes everything, she finds herself drowning with nowhere to turn. As their circumstances change, Joey’s demons grow and obstacles in their path seem unmovable, can Aoife and Joey must find a way to mend their hearts and save their love? Or will their path prove to be too dark to find a way out? 

This book was a roller coaster of emotions, drama and heart stopping moments. This book is long, so long that it may seem daunting to some readers; however, it was so fast paced that I really didn’t notice. I needed to know how Aoife deals with her news. At times, I didn’t like Aoife. At times, I felt she was acting too much like a bitch with everyone, especially with Joey, who had no clue what was going on. However, I wanted to see her make the right decisions, to confide in people she trusted and not carry the load on her own. I also needed to know how Joey overcomes his demons. The scenes of Joey in rehab are so heartbreaking. Overall, I loved this book. I loved that it carried on from Saving 6. I highly, highly recommend Redeeming 6. Again, a word of warning, there is a lot of language and intense scenes, it is not the book for everyone. 

Redeeming 6 is available in paperback, eBook and audiobook

My first kiss: why some memories are stronger than others

Do you remember your first kiss? Do you remember where you were? Who was it with? What details stand out about the moment and what details have been lost to time? This year has been a great year for milestone anniversaries. In a few days, my husband and I will celebrate ten years of marriage. And I started to think about our journey together. My first ever kiss was with the man who became my husband. As I was his first ever kiss. We were “late bloomers” in life and we found in each other a soul mate. Our first kiss was quick, sweet and one of the best moments of my life. I was curious why certain aspects of that day were remembered better than others.

My husband and I were on a date to Knott’s Berry Farm in Buena Park, California, an amusement park which seems to be a standard day to spend together for new couples. We were in line for the roller coaster, GhostRider. It is the longest, tallest, and fastest wooden roller coaster on the West Coast. It stands 118 feet and is 4,533 feet in length. It can reach speeds of 56 mph and lasts 2 minutes and 40 seconds. I love roller coasters and while we were in line, we talked as people do. I realize now that as we got closer and closer to the front of the line, my husband got more and more nervous. And as we sat in the coaster, waiting for the ride to take off, he leaned over and quickly kissed me. And before I could react, the ride took off! I don’t remember much of the actual ride. I remember replaying the kiss in my head for the brief ride. When the coaster came to a stop, and before we were released from our seats, he leaned over and kissed me again. I always joked he kissed me first as a “Hey I may die on this, so I might as well go for it.” And he kissed me the second time was “Thank God, I survived!”

Looking back on that first kiss, I find it funny what details I remember and which ones I don’t. I remember it was July 7, 2007. The weather was pleasant considering it was summer and Southern California. GhostRider was the first ride we went on when we got there. I don’t remember what we were wearing, and I don’t remember much of the day after that. I don’t even remember what other rides we went on, if we did at all. The one moment of the whole day is that one ride and those kisses. Although I do remember the kiss goodnight. Why do we remember some details and forget others? According to psychologist, Dr. Shahram Heshmat, the answer is our emotions. Our emotions act like a highlighter and enhances certain aspects of events and more them more memorable. Emotions can bring more clarity and attention to certain aspects. “Nothing focuses the mind like surprise” (Shahram, 2015). Nothing is more surprising then being kissed on a roller coaster! Emotionally charged events focus the attention and enhance the consolidation of a memory due to the stress hormones epinephrine and cortisol (Shahram, 2015).

Sometimes our memories are connected to sights, sounds, and smells. Memories can be connected to a physical location; they are reminded of times long past. Sometimes being in the physical location brings up the memories and sometimes it is just the mention of the location can invoke strong memories. Music is connected to us in many ways and the strongest connection is with our memories. Most of us can recall how old we were when a certain song plays. “Oh, when this song was released, I was [insert age].” Songs which reminds us of childhood or teenage memories. Kenny Chesney sings about it in his song I Go Back (2004). Smells is also another strong connector with memories. When someone smells a certain perfume or cologne, they may be reminded of a loved one that is no longer around. One of the reasons real estate agents put out freshly baked cookies, when trying to sell a house is, they want to invoke childhood memories of home and help potential buyers envision themselves in the home.

In conclusion, the memory of my first kiss is strong with certain details and fuzzy in others. I even asked my husband what he remembers of that day. Either he doesn’t remember much, or he didn’t want to tell me what exactly he remembered because he didn’t tell me anything. Emotions help enhance details of our past and helps store memories. Times of stress and high emotions enhance the brain’s ability to store memories in long term storage. It is why we often remember where we were and what we were doing during major world events. Other factors help enhance and store memories, including physical locations, music and smells. Do you remember your first kiss? What do you remember most about that day? What locations, sounds or smells can help bring up the memories?

                                                                     References

Heshmat, Shahram. “Why Do We Remember Certain Things, But Forget Others?” Psychology Today. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/science-choice/201510/why-do-we-remember-certain-things-forget-others. October 8, 2015. Retrieved June 20, 2019.

Knott’s Berry Farm. GhostRider. www.knotts.com/play/rides/ghostrider. Retrieved June 20, 2019.

Emotional Eating: recognizing it and moving forward

Emotional eating is the tendency to eat in times of stress, anxiety, anger or sadness in order to deal with the situation. With emotional eating, an individual will suppress emotions with food instead of facing them. In recent months, I have taken a closer look at my eating habits. I realize now that I am an emotional eater. I tend to eat or not eat based on my emotions. If I’m angry or anxious or depressed, I don’t eat. I overeat when I feel guilty for eating the wrong foods. I also look for food when I’m bored. With this revelation, I was curious to discover more about emotional eating and what I can do to fight it.

First, recognize the difference between emotional eating and physical hunger. Emotional eating has a sudden onset while physical hunger is gradual. Emotional eating tends to crave certain foods, like sweets, and with physical hunger any food sounds good. Mindless eating is a clue to emotional eating and awareness with physical hunger. After emotional eating, there is no satisfaction once full and physical hunger, there is satisfaction. Emotional eating is often inside your head instead of your stomach. And most important, after emotional eating, there is often string sense of guilt, shame and regret. My biggest time for emotional eating is the idea of food is often inside my head. I’ll wake up at night with the thought that I am hungry. Often times I can fight it. I get up, go to the bathroom, get a drink of water and lay down again and fall asleep. Other times the thought is like a song that wouldn’t end. For instance, last night I woke up with the overwhelming desire to have a piece of cake that my sister baked for my mom’s birthday. The cake wasn’t gluten free and I knew the consequences if I ate it. Ate it anyway I did. This morning I woke up sick to my stomach. Due to the gluten or my guilt and shame? I think it was both.

Second, recognize the triggers which can bring on emotional eating. Stress is a big trigger for many emotional eaters. The need to temporarily silence emotions is another trigger. The need to avoid feelings of anger, fear, sadness, anxiety, loneliness, resentment and shame. Eating can be used to hide boredom or loneliness. Have you ever been home with nothing to do and you go to the kitchen thinking “I must be hungry.” And you eat simply to give you something to do? Emotional eating also can be from childhood habits. This is my biggest trigger. Growing up in a single-parent family, we didn’t have a lot of treats. So candy, chips and other treats were uncommon. When these treats were in the house or I was somewhere these were available, I hoarded. I ate mindlessly because I didn’t know when I would have them again. Instead of savoring the chance to have such treats, I gorged myself to the point that I would become sick and eventually overweight. You may eat to avoid conflict or conversation. Triggers can be one or all of the above. One method to figure out what your triggers are is to keep a food diary. Write down when you eat, how much you eat, what you eat, how hungry you were and what your feelings or moods were when you ate. Whatever one’s triggers may be, recognizing them is the next step to avoid eating because of them.

Once one has recognized the difference between emotional eating and physical and recognizes the triggers which brings on emotional eating, the next step is to figure out ways to combat the urge for emotional eating. In my research, stress management techniques such as yoga, meditation and deep breathing have helped calm urges. You can give yourself a hunger check: “Am I really hungry? Or am I bored, tired, etc.?” For me, if I’m not willing to fix food, then I am not hungry. If I’m looking for something to grab and eat, then I’m not really hungry. Having a great support systems through friends, family or even a support group is a great way to combat the urges. Having someone to call or reach out to in times of loneliness or depression can help relieve the urge to eat to suppress those emotions. Find an activity that you fill your time if boredom is a trigger or an outlet to relive the urge. A few examples could be exercise, crafts, in my case reading and writing. It is important not to derive yourself. Allow yourself a treat once in a while but focus on healthy eating habits. It is also important to forgive yourself for setbacks. Pick yourself up, brush it off and start fresh. You could even write down what to avoid in the future to keep a certain setback from happening again.

In conclusion, there are many great resources out there to help with emotional eating. I only touched on a few methods to combat emotional eating. The Mayo Clinic website is a great resources and your doctor can probably direct you to some support groups or other methods in your area. Bottom line is you are your greatest enemy as well as your greatest cheerleader. Your inner monologue will help or hurt you if you are listening. Being able to change those thoughts, get help and support when you need it and don’t allow failure to defeat you. You will falter sometimes. The important things is learn from the experience, pick yourself up and start over. For me, I realize that avoiding emotional eating is going to be a lifelong commitment. However, I know that I am not alone in my struggle and I will get better.

Resources:

Mayo Clinic: http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/weight-loss/in-depth/weight-loss/art-20047342

Emotional Eating.org: http://www.emotionaleating.org/links.html

Normal Eating: an online support group http://normaleating.com/supportgroup.php

Don't be afraid of your emotions

Have you ever had a conversation start with “Now don’t get mad” and you or someone is immediately on the defensive because what is about to said will probably make you or them mad? Our emotions are natural and God given feelings. To tell someone, “don’t get mad” is denying them their natural feelings. However, our emotions can get us in trouble if we don’t learn how to manage them and deal with them in an appropriate manner. Your emotions are what make you human. Emotions can build and build until they can’t be held in anymore and there are wrong ways to express anger.

First, do not bottle up your emotions. Allow yourself to be angry, to feel sad. Your emotions are a part of you and are a part of what makes you human. Jesus expressed his emotions freely. He expresses his emotions freely. He wept and grieved at the death of his friend (John 11:35). He showed his anger at people’s disbelief and stubborn hearts and turned that anger to heal a man before their very eyes (Mark 3:5a). He expressed his anger at the men exploited people’s attempts to worship at the temple (Matthew 21:2, Mark 11:12-19, Luke 19:45-48 and John 2:14-15). The Lord understands the emotions you are feeling. Come to him in prayer and expressing your emotions. Tell him how angry you are, He understands. Tell him how sad, hurt, depressed you are, He knows.

Second, denying yourself to feel any emotions, especially negative emotions can lead to sinful behavior. Just like a soda bottle that has been shaken too much, eventually the pressure will become too much and you will explode. You may say or do something that you will regret. You may hurt others with your words or actions in a way you never meant to. Job openly grieved for the loss of his family (Job 1:20-22) and says “Therefore, I will not keep silent; I speak out in the anguish of my spirit, I will complain in the bitterness of my soul” (Job 7:11). Keeping emotions locked in can lead to a bitter and angry spirit.

Third, there are many examples in the Bible of how anger is expressed in the wrong way and lives ruined when anger is not managed properly. Cain, jealous that his brother’s offering was honored by God, turned his anger toward his brother and kills him (Genesis 4:1-8). The result? He is condemned to walk the earth as a restless wanderer (Genesis 4:12). Sarah mistreats Hagar out of jealousy and anger. Hagar was able to get pregnant when Sarah could not (Genesis 16:6). Sarah was angry at herself and her infertility and took it out on her maidservant who was just following orders. Haman, angry at Mordecai for not kneeing in his honor, plots to kill the Jews (Esther 3:5-6). The result? Haman ends up tangled in his own web and is hanged on the very gallows he prepared for Mordecai (Esther 7:10). Anger can be very dangerous when we place on anger against someone else.

In conclusion, do not hide your emotions. Emotions are a part of what makes you human. It is not sinful or inappropriate to express them. Express them in a way which is healthy and safe. For me, I pray and cried out to God. Sometimes simply saying through my tears, “Please, God.” I also write. I write about my anger, my fears, my sorrows and my joy. Talk about your emotions to a trust friend or relative. Believe me, when you give your emotions a voice, the negative emotions lose their power and hold on you and you’re able to think clearly. Be careful to direct your emotions at the right person. Deep breathes, think before saying or doing anything. You have the right to feel your emotions; however, your emotions do not have the right to own you.