I read online recently that someone made the claim that sex
is bad, evil and dirty to Christians. I serious dislike the generalization
because while there are churches which teach people to feel dirty about
enjoying sex but there are many churches which see sex as it was intended to
be. Sex was designed by God to be a gift to a husband and wife. What is the
purpose of sex? The Bible gives us a very romantic and intimate story in the
Song of Songs. If sex is a gift from God, how did it become bad, evil and
dirty?
When asked what the purpose of sex is, many people will
immediately say “procreation.” Yes, sex is how humans procreate but there’s
more to sex than just the production of children. Another purpose of sex is for
intimacy and enjoyment in marriage. Yes, sex was designed for marriage. Sex
within marriage can be a relationship builder. Outside of marriage, it can
destroy relationships and people. Proverbs 5:18-20 says “A loving doe, a
graceful deer; may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated
by her love. Why be captivated, my son by an adulteress? Why embrace the bosom
of another man’s wife?” God does not intend faithfulness in marriage to be
boring, pleasureless and dull. This is certainly the world’s image of marriage
aka “the old ball and chain.” Sex is a gift God gives to married couples for
their mutual enjoyment. Real happiness comes when we decide to find pleasure in
the relationship God has given us and commit ourselves to making it
pleasurable.
Song of Songs, or in some translations Song of Solomon, is
an intimate story of a man and woman, their love, courtship and marriage. The
most explicit statements on sex in the Bible are in this book. For example,
chapter 7:7-8, “Your stature is like that of a palm, and your breasts like
clusters of fruit. I said, “I will climb the palm tree; I will take hold of its
fruit.’” It is a wedding song honoring marriage with three speakers. First,
Lover, which tradition holds is a young King Solomon before he was obsessed
with women, sex and pleasure and represents the husband in a marriage. Second,
Beloved is a Jewish maiden he falls in love with and becomes his wife. Third,
friends who encourage the couple as they fall in love. The purity and
sacredness of love is represented in this book. One of my favorite verses is
“Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.” It is a phase that is
repeated three times in chapter 2 verse 7, chapter 3 verse 5, and chapter 8
verse 4. It is repeated because it is important to know that true love isn’t
rushed. It blooms when the time is right. Another favorite verse is “My lover
is mine and I am his (2:15 and 6:3), some translations use the word beloved. In
a marriage, a husband and wife belong to each other. They are one body united
by God and by love.
If God had created sex and intimacy for marriage, how sex
became bad, evil and dirty? Easy, man did. Even within the Christian church,
man took a beautiful expression of love, a gift from God and made it a thing to
be tolerated. The idea that women shouldn’t enjoy sex was dictated by man. It is hard to say in Judaism or Christianity,
the thoughts on sex are simple because it ignores the different sects or
denominations of each faith. However, in my research, I found that in Judaism,
“a man may do with his wife as he wishes provided, he has her consent” (Judaism
and Sex), which means any sexual acts between consenting spouses is not
forbidden. In Christianity and especially in the history, things get murkier. “Christianity
remains among the most “sex-positive” religions, even if segments of the church
have on one hand, cloaked it in shame or, on the other, given it a mystical
power bordering on idolatry” (Sex and Sexuality). St Augustine (354-430) and
other theologians promoted the idea that sexual desire was a sin (Kuruvilla).
Other church leaders would go further and state that being too passionately in
love or having sex for pleasure was a sin (Kuruvilla). These ideas are far from
what the Bible teaches as I have statement on above. Lust and desire for your
spouse is an expression of love; however, it needs to be only for your spouse.
In conclusion, sex is a beautiful expression of love between
a husband and a wife. A beautiful thing that has been twisted and distorted
through the ages by men in power. Unfortunately, the effects are those policies
and ideas are still seen today in many churches and many who resist God because
of what they think they know. Our society has such a distorted attitude about
love and marriage that for many people love equals sex and getting married is
just to have a party. Sex is only one expression of love. It is important in a
marriage, but it is not the only thing. Sex is a gift from God. It is to be an
expression of love between a husband and a wife. It is to be motivated by love
and commitment.
References
Retrieved February 9, 2019
Kuruvilla, Carol. 6 Things you probably didn’t know about
Christianity and Sex (February 26, 2016) www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/christianity-and-sex_us_56cb6dc1e4b0ec6725e371d5
Retrieved February 9, 2019
Sex and Sexuality www.christianitytoday.com/ct/topics/s/sex-and-sexuality/
Retrieved February 9, 2019
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