Rebekah: a warning against parental favoritism

This month’s study is on Rebekah. Her story is filled with initiative and strength as well as a warning against parental favoritism. She was hard-working and generous. Her faith was so great that she left her home to marry a man she had never met or seen. Rebekah would be like her mother-in-law, Sarah. Her heart would be divided between faith and doubt. She believed in God’s promise but also believed it involved her intervention. Yet she played favorites between her sons and failed to trust God fully for the promises he had made. She would favor one child over another, and she would deceive her husband to help her favored child. In many ways, Her story is told in Genesis 24, 25:19-34, and 26:1-28:1-9. What was her story? Why was her initiative her greatest strength? How was her parental favoritism a lesson to us all? 

At a well outside the village of Nahor, approximately 500 miles northeast of Canaan, a young woman named Rebekah was fetching water when she was approached by a stranger. She offered him a drink, as it was the custom, but she did something extraordinary. She offered to water the stranger’s 10 camels as well. This stranger was on a mission. He had been sent by his master, Abraham, to find a wife for Abraham’s son, Isaac. He had to look for certain criteria. He knew he had found the one God wanted for Isaac in Rebekah. She quickly agreed to marry Isaac and later would give birth to twin sons, Esau and Jacob. Esau was favored by Isaac and Rebekah favored Jacob. Years later when Isaac was old and blind, Esau was sent hunting to prepare Isaac a meal in exchange for a blessing. Rebekah overheard this exchange and began to devise a way for Jacob to receive the blessing instead. Since Jacob was born at Esau’s heel (Genesis 25:26), she believed that Jacob should have been the firstborn and deserved the blessing. Following his mother’s plot, Jacob disguised himself to trick his father into thinking he was Esau and receive his blessing. When Esau found out, he vowed revenge for his stolen blessing and essentially his birthright as the eldest son. To save Jacob’s life, Rebekah, then persuaded Isaac to send Jacob find a wife among her brother, Laban’s daughters.

Rebekah was an initiator. She got the ball rolling. When she saw an opportunity, she acted even if it was not always right. It was Rebekah’s initiative that caught the attention of the stranger. While it was common courtesy to offer a drink to a stranger, it was an added generosity to offer water to the camels (Genesis 24:19-20). Her story also is evidence of how initiative can be misdirected. She knew that God’s plan would be channeled through Jacob and not Esau as Genesis 25:23 says, “the older will serve the younger.” So, Jacob became her favorite and she planned ways to ensure Jacob overshadowed his brother. Meanwhile, Isaac preferred Esau, perhaps because he was the older son. Whatever the reason, it may have caused conflict between Isaac and Rebekah. She may have felt justified to deceive her husband and allow Jacob to her the greater blessing. Most of the time we try to justify the things we choose to do, like Rebekah felt she was justified to help Jacob in fulfilling God’s plan. We are responsible for our action and must be cautious about our motives. Are we trying to follow God’s plan or follow our own desires into what we think is God’s plan? Initiative and action are admirable and right when they are informed by God’s word and wisdom.

Parental favoritism hurts families. The story of Rebekah, Isaac and their sons is an example of how it can tear apart a family. We see that favoritism again with Jacob as he favors his son, Joseph, over his other sons (Genesis 27:3) and caused tensions between the siblings (Genesis 37:4). Parental favoritism is said to occur in one-to-two-thirds of American families (Shira, 2009). There are several factors that lead to parental favoritism including gender, birth order and personality. Parental favoritism is problematic when there are consistent and arbitrary differences in treatment (Shira, 2009). The long-term effects of parental favoritism are largely negative as unfavored children are more likely to struggle with intimate relationships and depression as well as have a weakened self-esteem. They become people pleasers to get attention and develop a chronic need to feel special. “Perceived favoritism from one's mother still matters to a child's psychological well-being, even if they have been living for years outside the parental home and have started families of their own” according to Karl Pillemer, a Cornell University researcher (Bryner, 2010). Parental favoritism can be avoided, according to Pillemer, by avoiding “obvious remarks about favoritism, or comparing one child to the other in discussions” (Brynner, 2010). Most parents worry about showing favoritism while other parents may use it to gain cooperation or compliance from the unfavored child.

In conclusion, Rebekah was a woman who saw a need and would move into action to fulfil it. While she was generous to a stranger, going above and beyond the common courtesy, her initiative would cause issues in her family as she felt the need to intervene in fulfilling God’s plan. She is also a cautionary tale against parental favoritism. Favoring one son over the other lead to a sibling strife that would last for generations. It also taught Jacob to favor one child over his other children. The lasting effects of parental favoritism can be evident into adulthood. Initiative and action can be a great assent. However, we need to evaluate our motives behind our proposed actions. Are we answer the call of God’s will? Or are we following a more selfish motive? As parents, we need to be aware of any perceived favoritism as it may have lasting effects.

References

Bryner, Jeanna. (June 28, 2010). Mom's Favoritism Stings, Even for Adults. Live Science. https://www.livescience.com/8385-mom-favoritism-stings-adults.html. Retrieved May 13, 2020.

Shira, Ilan. (January 10, 2009). When Parents Play Favorites. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-narcissus-in-all-us/200901/when-parents-play-favorites. Retrieved May 13, 2020

The Apple of My Eye: when her husband decides, a wife realizes she may not have known him at all

The Apple of My Eye by Mary Ellen Bramwell is the story of one woman’s journey through grief and doubt as she wonders if she really knew her husband at all. Brea Cass is awoken late one night by a phone call, notifying her that her husband, Paul Cass, was in an accident and on his way to the hospital. By the time she arrives at the hospital, Paul has died. Brea learns her husband as at a 24-hour grocery store when two masked men came in to rob the story. Paul stepped in front of an elderly customer and was shot. Brea is confused as he should have been at his job at a local hotel on the other side of town. She quickly learns that Paul has been hiding things from her. Now alone with their infant son, Brea begins to doubt everything she knew about Paul. Why did he lie about work? What else has he lied about? Did he truly love her?

The late-night phone call is every person’s worst nightmare. No one calls late at night with good news. The Apple of My Eye was an easy read as the story quickly jumps from Paul’s death to the aftermath and day-to-day learning to live again that Brea must do to survive. I found the characters too good to be true and the plot too farfetched. No one, especially Brea, really went through the stages of grief, especially with a sudden death like Paul’s. It almost read like a Lifetime movie. Brea is met with tragedy, questions her knowledge of who her husband was and starts retracing his moments. Then after a few months, the investigation in his death is complete and her doubts are all erased, everything is good again. The Apple of My Eye was not a bad book, but it wasn’t an amazing “You must read this!” kind of book.

The Apple of My Eye

is available in paperback, eBook and audiobook.

Finding F*ck Yes: one woman's journey with sexuality and a chronic illness

Finding F*ck Yes: A Memoir of Orgasms and Insulin by Clare Marie Edgeman is an unabashed, in your face honesty about sex and one woman’s journey to enjoy sex and dealing with the constraints of Type 1 diabetes. From her nerdy teenager years in rural Montana to her traveling across Europe before settling in New York City, Ms. Edgeman writes a vulnerable memoir in which she holds nothing back. She describes herself as a “strong, independent, curvy, diabetic slut” as she finds dates on various dating apps and hooks up through friends and acquaintances. Finding F*ck Yes can be described as Sex and the City for millennials or even, as someone else put it, Eat, Pray, Love, meets Sex and the City, as it is her journey to self-discovery, self-knowledge and becoming comfortable with every aspect of her life from her body image, her Type 1 diabetes and her sexual desires.

When I was asked to review Finding F*ck Yes, I was intrigued by the premise as I have never seen a book about sexuality and a chronic illness. And it starts that way, but at one point for several chapters, she does not mention her Type 1 diabetes. After a while, the book became formulaic as she goes from one lover to another. I liked that she is comfortable with her promiscuity and she does not try to convince other women to follow her example. I have never been or could ever be promiscuous. I am proud and comfortable, and quite satisfied with having only one partner just as she is proud and comfortable with her “sluttiness.” And I think Ms. Edgeman’s point of her memoir is for women to be comfortable with their lifestyle as they chose to live it regardless of how others may think. The descriptions of her sexual encounters do get graphic and some were very cringey that I skimmed through it. So, if you have delicate sensibilities, this book is not for you. I applaud and appreciate her honesty as she pulls no punches. This book is not for everyone and I would recommend it for those women who may be struggling with their body image and how it may affect their sexuality. With writing Finding F*ck Yes: A Memoir of Orgasms & Insulin, Ms. Edgeman puts forth “a reflection of our society, a meditation on self-worth, a treatise on how we treat women who love sex, and a challenge of how we view women who are not thin.” And to some degree, I feel Ms. Edgeman accomplishes her goal.

Finding F*ck Yes:

A Memoir of Orgasms and Insulin

is available in paperback and eBook

Olde Robin Hood: an enjoyable take on the Robin Hood legend

Olde Robin Hood by Kate Danley is an origin story for the famous Robin Hood. From his start as a simple farmer who is skilled with a bow and arrow. After a run-in with the evil Sheriff of Nottingham, Robin hides in the “haunted” Sherwood Forest where he is guided by the birds and animals. He finds Little John, another man on the run from the Sheriff, and together they form a plot to seek revenge on the Sheriff and his men while helping others who cannot fight against him. Soon his cousin, Will Scarlocke, aka Will Scarlett, joins them in their plan and word begins to spread about the heroics of Robin Hood who steals from the rich and gives to the poor. Robin finds himself enemy number one with the Sheriff and his right-hand man, Sir Guy of Gisborne. With the help of Sir Richard and his niece, the Maid Marian, Robin sets out to rid Nottingham of the evil Sheriff once and for all.

I love books based on the Robin Hood legend. I was intrigued when I found Kate Danley’s version. Based on the original medieval ballads, Ms. Danley weaves an adventure story worthy of Robin Hood. I also enjoyed that she incorporated the pagan tradition of the Green Man legend into her story. While I enjoyed reading Olde Robin Hood, my only compliant is that the final battle with the Sheriff was over far too quickly. With such a buildup, I expected more of a confrontation between the two men. Overall, I enjoyed it and recommend it to anyone who enjoys reading about Robin Hood and his fight about the Sheriff of Nottingham.

Olde Robin Hood

is available in paperback and eBook

The Palest Ink: a powerful story of resistance

The Palest Ink by Kay Bratt is a prequel story to the Tales of the Scavenger's Daughters series. Based on the Chinese proverb, “The palest ink is better than the best memory,” the book opens in January 1966 in Shanghai as 16-year-old Benfu meets his intended bride for the first time. As the son of intellectuals, he had certain obligations he must follow. He dreams of attending the Shanghai Conservatory of Music and mastering the violin. All those dreams soon become pushed aside as Chairman Mao beings his Great Proletarian Cultural Revolution as purge all imperialist and capitalist notions from China. Soon everything about his life, his existence is deemed wrong and he must change, follow the Mao rules, or else. But Benfu is going down without a fight. Along with his best friend, Pony Boy and Pony Boy’s girlfriend, Zu Wren, they start a newsletter to reveal the truth behind Mao’s tactics. They are putting their very lives in danger; will it be worth it? What will be the costs for them all?

This review has been one of the hardest to write, not because the book was bad, it was an amazing. It was hard to write because there is so much going on, it took a couple days to disgust this story. I even took longer to read it than I normally would read. I devoured every word, my heart broke as good, simple people were destroyed because they would not conform. Some of the events were also scarily eerie and relevant to today’s world upheavals. There is so much I wish I could discuss about this book; but it would give a lot of the emotional impact of the events away. I will say it is an immensely powerful, emotional book. I suggest you take it in slowly as imagine Benfu, Pony Boy and the other characters living through these very real events. I highly recommend The Palest Ink. I am looking forward now to read the Tales of the Scavenger’s Daughters.

The Palest Ink

is available in paperback, eBook, and audiobook

Big Summer: a story of female friendships

Big Summer by Jennifer Weiner is a novel about the ins and outs of female relationships. Daphne Berg and Drue Cavanaugh became friends in school until one day, a fight ended their relationship. Six years later, Daphne is a social media influencer for plus sized women and enjoys her life. She is shocked when Drue shows up in her life again with a huge favor. She asks Daphne to be her maid-of-honor at her society wedding the following summer. Daphne is speechless and has a hard time saying no despite her reservation and her friend and roommate, Darshi’s warning. When the weekend of the wedding arrives, Daphne is swept up in the glamour of the Cape Cod waterfront mansion and the drama that always seems to be involved with a wedding. Tragedy strikes and Daphne finds herself in the middle of a murder investigation and finds herself determined to find out the truth. Will she be able to discover the truth? Will she be able to move forward?

Big Summer was hard to get through. Told in three parts, the story opens with a prologue about a mother and her son that does not seem to connect with the story of Daphne and Drue. When the connection is revealed, I thought “okay….?” The first part is super slow as the history and complexity of Daphne’s friendship with Drue and her own battle with her weight is the made focus. The second and third parts were much more fast paced as the murder investigation occurs and Daphne chases clues to who the killer could be. The book is marketed as “A sparkling novel about the complexities of females relationships, the pitfalls of living loud and online, and the resilience of the human heart.” In a way, the book is about these factors, however, I expected a more powerful commentary than what is featured. It was hard to sympathize with adult Daphne as she fell into the same patterns with Drue. And Drue was the stereotypical mean girl who seems to have it all but is jealous of the fat girl who has everything that matters. I even expected the death to be a fake and another ploy for attention or sympathy. Overall, the book was okay. I did not genuinely care about the characters, the resolution or the author’s commentary on fat shaming, social media, and relationships. If you are a fan of Jennifer Weiner, you may enjoy Big Summer.

Big Summer

is available in hardcover, eBook, and audiobook

The Long Way Home: sometimes you need to leave to find home

The Long Way Home by Karen McQuestion is the story of four women on an unexpected road trip. Each woman is at a crossroad in their lives and this trip could be the catalyst that propels them to make a choice forward or not. Marnie is a 35-year-old kindergarten who is grieving the loss of her longtime boyfriend as well as the loss of her “stepson” Troy, as the Troy’s mother whisks him away, cutting off all contact. Rita is dealing with the aftermath of her daughter’s murder was the man she believes is responsible can go free. Laverne is Marine’s reclusive elderly neighbor. And Jazzy, the young, vibrant woman who has a special ability that brings them all together on a road trip to Las Vegas. Four strangers on a trip across a two-thousand-mile journey, what could go wrong? How will the trip change the lives of these women? Or will it?

The Long Way Home is a great book about self-discovery, overcoming fears, and reaching for your heart’s desire. I enjoyed every character. Marnie for her caution and determination. Rita for her strive for justice. Laverne for throwing caution to the wind to take the trip with three strangers. And Jazzy, the driving force bringing them together and pushing them along. While some of the events were a bit far-fetched, but great adventures always are, the overall message is the same: sometimes leaving helps you find home, even if its back where you started. I recommend The Long Way Home, it had me hooked from page one and I read into the night to finish it.

The Long Way Home

is available in paperback and eBook

Riversong: an introduction to a small town series

Riversong by Tess Thompson is the first book in the River Valley series. It is the story of Lee Tucker, who has lived a troubled life with her drunk mother, leaves River Valley, her small southwestern Oregon town in 1988 to attend college in Seattle. Fast forward 15 years later, she is in dire straits. Her husband, Dan, had committed suicide after their business failed, leaving her with a massive debt she cannot buy. She decides to head back to her hometown, fix up the house her mother left her and pay the debt. Soon her plan goes awry as she gets a job as a business consultant for a failing restaurant and becomes a part of a community and a family that she did not count on. Will her troubles from Seattle find her there? Will she ever be free of the past? Can she find a place to truly call home?

Riversong is my first book from Tess Thompson and I must admit I am a bit disappointed. It was a fun read. I enjoyed the characters, although I did not care for Lee much, but the overall story was okay. The plot was a bit farfetched and the timeline and the characters’ relational connections are screwy that the author messed up and no one caught in editing. However, it is one of the author’s first books, Riversong was first published in 2011, and I would like to give her other titles a chance as there is a learning curve when writing. If you like fiction featuring a small town, you may enjoy Riversong as an introduction to the River Valley series.

Riversong

is available in paperback and eBook

El Cinco de Mayo: a look into its surprising origins

El Cinco de Mayo: An American Tradition by David E. Hayes-Bautista is a historical, societal and political look into the origins of the popular holiday, Cinco de Mayo, as an American invention and not one transplanted from Mexico. Knowledge about the history and origins of the holiday had been lost in time as many celebrated with no real understanding why it was celebrated in the first place. Maybe people incorrectly assume Cinco de Mayo came to America with the immigrants after WWII. Mr. Hayes-Bautista witnessed spectacular celebration of Cinco de Mayo in the US in 1960s at the height of the Chicano movement and almost no celebrations in Mexico during the same decade. He set out to find out way and focused his book on the development of Cinco de Mayo in the US. What he discovered was a socially and deliberately constructed holiday in response to the events and changes around Latinos living in California during the Civil War.

Cinco de Mayo is a celebration commemorating the First Battle of Puebla on May 5, 1862. The United States had been at civil war since April 1861. Napoleon III, the Emperor of France, took advantage of the US’s inability to enforce the Monroe Doctrine (1823) and began an invasion of Mexico. The French lost the First Battle of Puebla but continued to occupy Mexico for another five years. So why is the First Battle of Puebla still commemorated by Latinos in California and the US as whole today? Because a network of Latino groups in California known as the juntas patrióticas mejicanas (Mexican Patriotic Assemblies) helped create and maintain a public memory of the day. The juntas used the Cinco de Mayo to encourage support defense of freedom and democracy for the US and Mexico. The juntas eventually ended after WWII but their influenced continued as the Latino communities grew and Cinco de Mayo became a day to help highlight trends and problems in their communities. By 1986, the true meaning and origins behind the holiday was truly lost in public memory. “One of the great traditions that has come to the United States from Mexico is the celebration of the Cinco de Mayo” (William Davila, then president of Vons grocery stories, 1994).

Growing up in California and having the Latino influence in my life, I was aware Cinco de Mayo referred to the Battle of Puebla; however, I was not aware of the depth of the holiday or its true origins. As Mr. Hayes-Bautista states, “It did not seem to occur to anyone that the commemoration of the first battle of Puebla might have originated in California.” Cinco de Mayo is a genuine American holiday. Created in California and echoed in Oregon, Nevada and eventually across the nation. It originated in devotion to basic American values of freedom and democracy. El Cinco de Mayo is a great and detailed book as it explores the origins and growth of the Cinco de Mayo. I now have a new understanding and greater appreciation for the holiday. Cinco de Mayo is as American as Thanksgiving and should be celebrated by all. I highly recommend El Cinco de Mayo for anyone who is curious and wishes to learn more about Cinco de Mayo.

El Cinco de Mayo: An American Tradition

is available in paperback and eBook

When I Meet You: a great new title in the Tree of Life series

When I Meet You is the third book in Olivia Newport’s Tree of Life series. Genealogist Jillian Parisi-Duffy is presented with the mystery of a trunk left at Denver’s Union Station over a hundred ago. Driven to the point of obsession, Jillian is determined to find out what happened to its owner, Lynnelle Bendeure. Did she meet with foul play? Why did she seemingly disappear? At the same time, Jillian is confronted with a trunk her late mother left behind for her, filled with her own maternal family history. Will she have the courage to look further into her mother’s family as they left Sicily and came to America? As a genealogist, she knows there may be something in her family’s history she may not like but as her mother’s daughter, will she be able to dig deeper?

I am thoroughly enjoying Ms. Newport’s Tree of Life series. Just as with the first two books, Lynnelle’s story connects with something or someone in the present. However, this time Jillian is confronted with the loss of her mother when she was a young girl and kept putting off looking into her mother’s trunk. Until the mystery of Lynnelle and her truck forced her finally open it. I also like how the connection between the past and present isn’t truly clear until the end. As a fan of genealogy and looking into my own family tree, I love seeing the connection of past and present. To learn about people who now are just names on a family tree. I look forward to future books in this series. I highly recommend When I Meet You as well as books 1 and 2, The Inn at Hidden Run and In the Cradle Lies.

When I Meet You

is available in paperback and eBook

The Inn at Hidden Run and In The Cradle Lies

are also available in paperback and eBook

The Dark of Twilight: a fantasy adventure

The Dark of Twilight by Kate Danley is the first book in the Twilight Shifters series. The story opens as Aein, a young girl, begins her new position in Lord Arnkell’s guard. She is being sent on her new assignment to the eastern borders. Unfortunately, something strange happens when she arrives to the border and she is sent back to Lord Arnkell by her partner, Lars, to raise the alarm of a new threat. Lord Arnkell seems unconcerned but sends reinforcements to the eastern border. Some time later, at a great feast, something terrible happens. The people have fallen under a trouble curse and now it is up to Aein to find a cure before it is too late. Will she be able to find a cure? Is there someone or something behind this terrible curse?

The Dark of Twilight was an enjoyable yet simplistic story. It was an easy read as the story moved along quickly, moving from action to action without much downtime. Unfortunately, I doubt I will continue the trilogy. I did not care for the main character, Aein, as she acts more like a lovesick teenager than a warrior in a royal guard. As a villain, Lord Arnkell is weak. Aein has two potential love interests and the attempts at a love triangle is also weak. Maybe the love triangle will get more intense with the other books, but I have no interest to read further. However, I see teen readers enjoying it and those who enjoy fantasy stories.

The Dark of Twilight

is available in paperback and eBook