Boundaries: an important part of our lives

Boundaries is a term popularized by Drs Henry Cloud and John Townsend in 1992 with their bestselling book, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life. A boundary is defined as an invisible line which helps us define ourselves and our responsibility. It has become a popular concept which helps individuals recognize where they begin and end. This boundary line helps guard our hearts and souls as Proverbs 4:23 says “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” A line which helps us define who we are as an individual and who others are. It helps us define what we are responsible for and what we are not. It is a line which allows others to understand which behaviors are acceptable and which ones are not. Below is a brief overview of boundaries, the types of boundaries and how boundaries work.

Boundaries help keep the good in and the bad out. There are different types of boundaries. First, physical boundaries. Who we allow to touch us physical and who we don’t is a physical boundary. Our physical location is also a boundary. Living in a different location from someone who is a toxic or unsafe person is a boundary. Proverbs 22:3 says “the prudent man sees the evil and hides himself.” Second, our words are boundaries. The most basic boundary setting word is no. “No, I will not participate.” Our words help others understand where we stand. For example, “Yes, I like to that” and “No, I don’t like this.” Third, time is a boundary. How much time we are willing spend with people is a boundary. Sometimes we need time apart from others in order to reenergize. Even Jesus took time for himself: to prepare for major tasks (Luke 4:1-2), to recharge (Mark 6:30-32), to grieve (Matthew 14:1-3), in times of distress (Luke 22:39-44) and prayer (Luke 5:16). Lastly, emotional distance is a boundary. It is defined as who we trust and who we do not. Unfortunately, sometimes we need our trust to be broken before we learn who is trustworthy and who is not. It is a lesson that often repeats itself as new people enter our lives.

According to Cloud and Townsend, there are 10 Laws of Boundaries. I will discuss a few of them. First, the Law of Sowing and Reaping. This is the cause and effect of our behaviors, feelings and reactions to the world around us. Galatians 6:7-8 tells us that we reap what we sow. If we sow to please our sinful nature, then we will reap destruction. However, if we sow to please the Spirit, then we will reap eternal life. Second, the Law of Respect states that if we command our boundaries to be respected, then we need to respect the boundaries of others. A great example is if a teenager is requesting the boundary of privacy, then he or she needs to respect the needs of privacy of his or her parents. Third, the Law of Proactivity states that we need to be proactive with our boundaries. We need to communicate when a boundary has been violated quickly rather than letting it fester until we explode. Proactive people can live their rights not just demand them. For example, a proactive person will be respectful in order to be respected. They don’t “return evil for evil” (1 Peter 3:9). Fourth, the Law of Activity goes along with the Law of Proactivity. In this law, boundaries are made and maintained by being active. We need to enforce and reinforce the boundaries. Lastly, the Law of Exposure. We need to make our boundaries visible and communicated to others so they can respect them. We need to remind individuals where those limits are.

There are a few myths about boundaries that I want to discuss. First, boundaries are selfish. There is a distinction between selfishness and stewardship. Selfishness is focusing on our own wishes and desires while ignoring our responsibilities. Stewardship is protecting us by saying “no” to people and activities that could be harmful to us. Having wishes and desires is given to us by God, according to Proverbs 13:4; however, we are to keep them in line with healthy goals and responsibility. Second, boundaries are a sign of disobedience especially within the Christian community. A common statement is “Your unwillingness to go along with our program shows an unresponsive heart” (Cloud and Townsend, 1992). However, the lack of boundaries is a sign of disobedience. When people have no boundaries are often compliant on the outside, but resentment builds on the inside. Third, boundaries cause harm. Cloud and Townsend has three myths dealing with boundaries and harm. I have combined them into one. Boundaries help protect us from harm. When boundaries are used properly, they are a tool of defense, they are not a tool of offensive in order to attack or wound someone.  Inappropriate or bad boundaries can hurt us. However, when good boundaries are in place, they can help us toward maturity and responsibility. Lastly, boundaries are permanent. When a boundary is respected, it can be renegotiated later. They can be as flexible and fluid as you want them to be if they are respected. However, some boundaries can be rigid and firm for safety’s sake.

In conclusion, boundaries are often a litmus test for the quality of our relationships. When someone hates when we say “no” and only wants our “yes,” and doesn’t respect the boundaries we put in place, then the relationships are not healthy. Boundaries are about respect. Boundaries need to actively and proactively maintain to avoid others’ violating them. Boundaries are as flexible or rigid as you wish. I have only glanced over the in-depth topic of boundaries. If you wish to learn more, I highly recommend Boundaries by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend. They will cover everything in depth and boundaries with the different types of relationships in your life.

The difference between being closed-minded and open-minded and when its appropriate to be one or the other

Have you ever read a description of you that you didn’t think fit? A description that you probably didn’t see in yourself? Recently, I came across a description of me that didn’t seem to fit. I was called closed minded. Closed-minded? I have never been called that in my life. At first, I thought “no way!” but I stopped about thought about. What if I was closed-minded? I was curious to know if it were true, I polled my family and friends and ask what word or phrase they would use to describe me? Because if I am closed-minded, I wanted to change. However, no one said close-minded. What does it mean to be closed-minded? What does it mean to be open-minded? Are there situations when being closed-minded is preferable?

Being closed minded is defined as unwilling to consider different ideas or opinions. Billionaire Ray Dalio explains it better in his book, Principles. Someone who is closed minded blocks others from speaking, lacks a deep sense of humility and doesn’t like their ideas to be challenged. I would say “who doesn’t?” but the difference is a closed-minded person would go on the defensive and an open-minded person would do further investigation. A closed minded person rarely asks questions and usually speaks in statements and focuses on being understood rather than on understanding. He or she holds closely to what he or she believes and isn’t willing to change and has more interest in being proven right than hearing other perspectives. A closed-minded person has trouble having two conflicting thoughts in their head at the same time and is unwilling to put aside personal bias to find the truth about the world. “We all naturally walk around with hundreds of biases of different degrees” (Chou, 2018), it is what we do with those biases is the difference.

Open-mindedness is defined as willing to consider new ideas. Synonyms would be unbiased, unprejudiced, nonpartisan, nonjudgmental. According to Dalio, an open-minded person genuinely believes he could be wrong and is compelled to see through other people’s point of view. An open-minded person is more interested in listening than speaking as well as listening to understand rather than listening to respond. An open-minded person will approach everything with fear that he or she could be wrong and seeks out all possible information before making a decision. An open-minded person is curious and doesn’t become angry when there is a disagreement. I must admit that sometimes I feel a twinge of anger when I read a disagreeing opinion; however, I have learned that everyone is entailed to their opinions, their stance on issues and not everyone is going to agree with me. An open-minded person knows when to make statements and when to ask questions. And an open-minded person is capable of holding two conflicting thoughts in his or her head and assessing the relative merits of both.

What I have learned you can be both closed minded and open minded. Being that being closed-minded isn’t always a bad thing and always being open-minded isn’t possible. “Being close minded isn’t always a bad thing. Being too open minded can lead to a downfall as well” (Chou, 2018). This statement reminds me of the Aaron Tippin song “You’ve Got to Stand for Something” (1990), in the chorus, one line says it all: “You’ve got to stand for something, or you’ll fall for anything.” Sometimes we must become closed-minded when we take a stance because if we are always open, we can essentially be fooled by anything. According to Garrett Hardin, having what is called “default status” is a good thing (Farnam Street). Default status is the ability to be skeptical on certain ideas or issues. There is wisdom to be closed minded on certain ideas or issues. For example, if someone came to you when an idea that would essentially be breaking the law, you have the right to say “no” without any thought.

Alan Jacobs, author of How to think: A Survival Guide for a World at Odds, outlines three points when close-mindedness is essential. First, close your mind once you’ve done the work of thinking and not to avoid thinking. Closing your mind after you’ve chosen your position after careful consideration, weighing all the options, opinions, sides, and other information. It is wrong to close your mind in order to avoid thinking about the subject. It’s like voting guilty on a jury without listening to the evidence first. Second, close your mind with other people but not toward other people. The right way to close your mind is in a community that is open to questions and thoughts from others and does not discourage, mock or exclude others simply because they have a different position. Third, close your mind around an end but not the means. Closing your mind when you’re arrived at a settled conviction. You may remain closed-minded to your end goal but remain open-minded with other ways to achieve that goal. One of my favorite phrases is there is more than one way to skin a cat, meaning there is more than one way to achieve a goal.

In conclusion, I realized that yes, I am closed-minded about certain things. I have taking my stance and I’ll stick to it. However, it is after years of thought and consideration. Other issues or ideas, I am open to. I don’t pretend to know everything. To quote Hamlet, “There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy,” there is so much information in this world that it is impossible to know or even understand it all. One of the reasons I write the blog posts I do is investigate information I didn’t know or understand and share my thoughts. I also learned that one person can be bother closed-minded and open-minded and it would be dangerous to be one extreme or the other.

References

Dalio, Ray (2017). Principles: Life and Work. Simon & Schuster. September 19, 2017.

Chou, Will. The Difference between Open-Minded and Closed-Minded People. March 2018. www.willyoulaugh.com/open-minded/. Retrieved March 19, 2019

Farnam Street. The Difference between Open Minded and Closed-Minded People. https://fs.blog/2017/09/open-closed-minded/. Retrieved March 19, 2019.

Jacobs, Alan (2017). How to Think: A Survival Guide for a World at Odds. Currency. October 17, 2017.

Blindsided: when one woman decides to fight back against the evil chasing her

Blindsided by Kate Watterson is a suspense thriller, a cat and mouse game and a race against time. Dr. Cadence Lawrence knows she’s being followed. She knows someone has been in her house when she’s gone and has gone through her belongings. She even knows who it is, but he has managed to stay one step ahead and avoid apprehension. FBI Agent Thea Benedict is on the trail of a serial killer, tracking him all over the country and knows he may be heading to settle a score. When Cadence makes the sudden decision to flee Indianapolis and head north, she is trapped on a snowy road, Michael “Mick” McCutcheon offers her a place to stay until she can get her car out of the snow. At first, she is reluctant to allow Mick to get close, but she finds him to be caring and generally concerned that she opens up with her story. Mick finds himself enthralled with the beautiful doctor and can’t help himself as he helps her battle against this evil. As Cadence, Thea, and Mick follow this man’s trail, he realizes his time is short and steps up his efforts. Will they be able to stop him before he hurts someone else?

Blindsided was an interesting twist from a usual suspense thriller. From the beginning, you are told who is stalking Cadence, you are told why but he remains a suspenseful evil lurking in the dark. I enjoyed each character. Cadence was a strong, independent woman who knew to fight back but at the same time she realizes she is afraid, vulnerable and fights anyway. Mick is a dashing knight in shining armor who is confident but can be shaken. One of my favorite scenes is when Mick is worried and nervous about meeting Cadence’s parents as their investigation takes them to her hometown. And Thea, the confident FBI agent, who is like a cat on the hunt. She is determined to catch her prey. I thoroughly enjoyed Blindsided as a fast paced, attention grabbing thriller which keeps you reading until the last page. I highly recommend Blindsided.

Blindsided

will be available July 9, 2019

in hardcover and eBook

Prohibition: a documentary which gives food for thought for today

There have been a lot of talk about banning guns, soda, or the consumption of animal products that one group of people see as a vice and wants everyone to stop, stop doing or stop being. Ken Burn’s documentary, Prohibition (2011) is a look into the great social experiment of the 1920s which failed miserably. The documentary opens with a quote from Mark Twain, “Nothing so needs reforming as other people’s habits. Fanatics will never learn that through it be written in letters of gold across the sky. It is the prohibition that makes anything precious.” The Prohibition movement began in the early days of our country. Women were at the core of the passing and repealing of the 18^th Amendment. The Volstead Act was flawed from the very beginning and doomed to fail. Prohibition, at the beginning, had the results that was hoped for, but it quickly went south and left the country with unexpected consequences. It is a lesson of why prohibition of anything just doesn’t work.

The origins of Prohibition began hundred years before the 18^th Amendment was passed and ratified. A temperance movement began to gain steam in the 1820s with the Great Protestant Awakening when alcohol was an evil that needed to be removed. The movement would demand total abstinence from everyone. Many groups would form and help drive the temperance movement into the headlines. The Washingtonian Societies were reformed alcoholic men. Susan B. Anthony and the Women’s Temperance Society would take up the cause along with women’s suffrage. In 1851, Neal Dow, the mayor of Portland, Maine petitioned to ban alcohol and a law passed on June 2, 1851 which was the first to prohibit the sale and manufacture of intoxicating beverages. All temperance bans were halted with the outbreak of the Civil War (1861-1865). After the Great Migration of 1865. The temperance movement began to stir again. Another group was the Women’s Christian Temperance Union, a powerful force which drove the idea of prohibition in the minds of Americans. A third group was the Anti-Saloon League, with its leader Howard Hyde Russell, would turn the attention of prohibition nationwide. The movement would again gain momentum as America entered World War I, as alcohol and beer, specifically, would be used as propaganda for Anti-German sentiment in the country. The 18^th Amendment was passed on August 1, 1917 and it was ratified by the states by January 16, 1919. It would go into effect in January 1920.

Women were at the center of the Prohibition movement. They were the force to help push it into law, the enforcement of the law and the force to get it repealed. I want to highlight just a few of the important women. First, Frances Elizabeth Caroline Willard aka “Saint Frances” was the master strategist for the Women’s Christian Temperance Union (WCTU). She would serve as the organization’s president from 1879 until her death in 1898. She would bring the temperance movement along with the women’s suffrage movement. Second, Carrie Nation (1846-1911) is well known for her hatchet and breaking up saloons in Kansas. While many women of the WCTU denounced her methods, her method seemed to spread as she took her crusade outside of Kansas. Third, Mabel Walker Willebrandt (1889-1963) was the most famous woman in the country who was not an actress. She became the Assistant Attorney General of the United States and she took her job very seriously. Although she personally opposed Prohibition, she would aggressively work to uphold the Volstead Act and prosecute any violators. Fourth, Pauline Sabin (1887-1955) was first a supporter of Prohibition and worked for the passing of the 18^th Amendment. However, she would change her mind when she saw the hypocrites it made of the country’s leaders. She disliked Ella Boole and the WCTU as they claimed to speak for all American women. In disgust as President Hoover would do nothing about Prohibition, she created the Women’s Organization for National Prohibition Reform in 1929 with the sole goal of repeal.

The Volstead Act was named for Andrew Volstead, the Minnesota congressman who introduced it. It was the enforcement law for the 18^th Amendment which prohibited the manufacture, sale and transport of intoxicating liquors; however, it did not define what “intoxicating liquors’ were. The Volstead Act was conceived and drafted by Wayne Wheeler, leader of the Anti-Saloon League, and set out to define what would be considered intoxicating liquors. While the 18^th Amendment and the Volstead Act prohibited the manufacture, sale and transport of intoxicating liquors, it did not prohibit the consumption of liquors. The Act would define intoxicating liquors as beverages with more than 0.5% alcohol by volume, which took many by surprise, including many Prohibition supporters, because the understanding was that beer and wine would still be allowed. However, Wheeler wanted total prohibition and heavily influenced lawmakers to pass the Act with the strict restriction. Patented medicines which contained alcohol was still allowed as well as sacramental wines for churches and synagogues. The Volstead Act did not restrict the consumption of alcohol and all alcohol purchased before the law went into effect was allowed for home consumption. It also did not prohibit the manufacture of alcoholic beverages for home consumption. People could make their own beer, wine and other liquors if they did not sale it or transport it. That would soon change as more and more restrictions were added to the law. The “5 and 10” law would increase penalties for a first-time violation of the Volstead Act, and it made it a crime to not report violators, including your neighbors.

Prohibition was an experiment that failed. It had such unexpected consequences that many people would claim that the country was worse than it was before. Prohibition would turn millions of law-abiding citizens into law breakers. It would redefine the role of government and individual rights and responsibilities. Prohibition turned the countryside against the cities. It turned the natives against the immigrants and the question who is and who is not a real American. A question that is still being asked today. The prohibition movement became an anti-immigrant movement. The Anti-Saloon League claimed that true Americans didn’t need alcohol, only the immigrants did. It turned Protestants against Catholics. Alcohol became the scapegoat for all the failures in society. From the very beginning of Prohibition, the people fought to keep their alcohol just as fiercely as those who fought to prohibit it. Inconsistencies in the law would be exploited by many and make others most successful. Roy Olmstead was known as the King of the Puget Sound Bootleggers as he began smuggling alcohol from Canada. George Remus of Cincinnati was a successful lawyer until bootlegging made him an even bigger success. He would also memorize Prohibition regulations and devised ways around them as soon as they were issued. William McCoy was a Florida skipper who ran a very successful rum smuggling operation. Statistics have shown that Americans were actually drinking more during and after Prohibition than they ever were before the 18^th Amendment. Demand was so high for alcohol, bootleggers were starting to cut corners with deadly results. Some bootleggers were making Jamaica Ginger and wood alcohol that caused many illnesses and even deaths.

Why it doesn’t work? Bottom line is that you cannot legislate reform, that must come from within. A sentiment repeated by many throughout the program. Edwin Hunt Jr, the son of a bootlegger, said “Prohibition was the noble experiment. I think it created more problems than it solved. It brought into the country, it brought a disregard for laws. I think it turned us into a nation of scofflaws in many ways.” When you banned something, you create a demand for it. People want it simply because you told them they can’t have it. Since the 18^th Amendment was repealed by the 21st Amendment on December 5, 1933, other groups have come to Congress to impose their ideas of morality and all have been defeated, in part to the memory of Prohibition and the problems it caused. The closing words of the documentary sum it up best, “If we ever become a country in which we tell the government “Tell us how to live,” then we are doomed.” America has been a country of rebels since the colonial days. It is the American spirit to stand up and say “hey, you can’t tell me what to do!” But when we allow the government to say, “We know better for your life, health and family than you do,” we are truly doomed. What is the solution to other social problems? Education and allow people to have an informed choice, hoping they chose the healthiest option but needing to accept when they don’t. A great example is soda. Yes, soda is bad for you in large quantities; but telling people they can’t have it, only drives their desire for it and they will drink more of it not knowing if it will be available in the future. By teaching moderation, people can still enjoy soda and be healthy.

In conclusion, Ken Burns has made a name for himself with amazing documentaries which dig deeper in historical events than ever before. His documentary, Prohibition, is not only a lesson in history but a lesson of current events. It is a lesson we need to understand before we go down this path again. It is a reminder that we cannot legislate morality. One group cannot dictate their version of right or wrong. If prohibition worked, then there would be no murders or any crime. The prisons would be empty, and law enforcement would be twiddling their thumbs. Prohibition was the law of unintended consequences. We need to be realistic when discussing any kind of ban, will people say, “oh well, it’s against the law now” and obey the law? Think about how many times a day you break the law. You might say, “I don’t break the law!” If you drive, I bet you do! Sometimes without realizing it and sometimes because you know you won’t get caught. I highly recommend Ken Burn’s documentary and see the similarities in today’s issues.

Swimming with Faith: one woman's journey to the Olympics through hard work and faith

Swimming with Faith the Missy Franklin Story by Natalie Davis Miller is the story of Missy Franklin, a four-time Olympic swimming gold medalist who made her debut in the 2012 London Games at the age of 17. In this biography, Missy’s early life and introduction to swimming is discussed as well as her journey to the Olympic Games. Swinging back and forth between her personal life and her competitive life, readers are given insight into the Missy the person and Missy the swimmer.

I remember watching Missy at the London Games and I loved her athleticism, her faith and humility. She was a great competitor to watch and it was evident she loved the sport. I enjoyed reading her journey in competitive swimming and her focus on her faith as she went through the ups and downs of competition. The book is geared to 8-12-year-olds and includes swimming terminology and displays her faith, determination and humility. It is a quick read but filled with great information for those interesting in competitive swimming or would like to know more about the sport. One of my favorite quotes from the book is “The people we meet, the experiences we go through, that’s what makes us the people we are, the people we are growing into. This is our time to make mistakes, to learn from them, to learn to shine. It’s such a beautiful time in your life.” I highly recommend Swimming with Faith.

Swimming with Faith the Missy Franklin Story

Is available in paperback and eBook

Purim: a Jewish holiday of celebration

Today is the Jewish holiday of Purim, which begins at sundown as do most Jewish holidays/ Purim is the Jewish holiday commemorating the saving of the Jewish people from genocide during the ancient Achaemenid Persian Empire and told in the Book of Esther. It is also known as the Feast of Lots. It is a day of deliverance and became a day of feasting and rejoicing. The story is one of courage in the face of death. Modern historians view the story behind the holiday differently than did the traditional historians. As well many holiday, certain foods are enjoyed during the day of feasting.

In the Book of Esther, Esther becomes queen when King Athasuerus gets rid of his wife and queen, Vashti, for refusing his order. Esther hides her Jewish heritage from the king. Shortly afterward, Mordecai, her uncle and adopted father, discovers a plot to kill the king by two of the palace guards. He reveals the plot. The two guards are hanged, and Mordecai’s service is recorded. A man named Haman becomes the king’s viceroy and is outraged when Mordecai refuses to bow down to him. When he discovers Mordecai is Jewish, he plots to kill not only Mordecai but all the Jews. Mordecai learns of the plots and goes into mourning. He would also plead Esther to intercede with the king on their people’s behalf. Esther agrees to do so despite the great risk to her life as it was upon penalty of death to approach the king. At a feast, Esther reveals she is Jewish and exposes Haman’s plot to kill the Jews. The king becomes enraged and orders Haman to be executed instead.

Traditional historians have written about the events of the Book of Esther. Berossus from the early third century BCE, wrote the context for the account in the introduction of idols of Anahita under Artaxerxes II Mnemom throughout the Persian Empire. Josephus from the first century CE recounts the origins of Purim in the 11^th book of his Antiquities of the Jews which follows the original biblical account as well as information in the Greek version, the Septuagint. The Islamic historian from 915 CE, Muhammad ibn Jarir al-Tabari, gives a brief Persian account similarly to Jewish and Christian sources as well as additional details. However, modern historian argue that Purim has no historical basis. Amnon Netzer argues that “Mordecai” and “Esther” are names derived from the Babylonian gods, Marduk and Ishtar (Netzer, 1999). Shaul Shaked argues that the Book of Esther is historical fiction despite its accurate account of the Achaemenid court (Shaked, 1998).

Purim is more a national rather than religious holiday, on a different level than days ordained as holy by the Torah. There are four main mitzvot (obligations). First, listening to a public reading, usually a synagogue, of the Book of Esther in the morning and in the morning. Second, sending food gifts to friends. Third, giving charity to the poor. Lastly, eating a festive meal. The customs of Purim including a greeting “Chag Purim Sameach” which in Hebrew which loosely translate to “Happy Purim Holiday.” Another custom is masquerading in costumes and masks, believed to originate with Italian Jews in the end of the 15^th century. One explanation for this custom is given as to emulating God who was “disguised” during the events of the Book of Esther and remained concealed yet present in Jewish history. Hamantaschen (Haman’s pockets), a traditional food made among Ashkenazi Jews, is a sweet pastry dough filled with a poppy seed filling and folded into a triangle. More recently, prunes, dates, apricots, apples, and chocolate fillings have been used. Fazuelos, a traditional food among the Sephardi Jews, is a fried thin pastry.

In conclusion, Purim is the Festival of Lots which commemorates the Jewish people being saved from execution and the courage of one woman to stand up and say something despite cultural rules dictating she remain silent. The Book of Esther details the story behind Haman’s plot to kill the Jews and Esther’s plan to expose his evil intentions. Throughout history, the views of the story range as historical to fiction. The day is filled with customs and food. The foods made during the holiday symbolize the events and people involved. To the Jewish community, Chag Purim Sameach!

References

Netzer, Amnon. Festivals vii, Jewish. In Encyclopaedia Iranica, vol. 9, 1999, pp. 555-60.

Shaked, Shaul. Esther, Book of. In Encyclopaedia Iranica, vol. 8, 1998, pp. 655-57.

Tell No One: a story of discovering the truth, secrets and moving on

Tell No One by Barbara Taylor Sissel is the story of one woman’s determination to find her father and one man’s desperate attempts to keep dark secrets hidden. Caroline Hoffman Corbett is searching for her father, Garrett “Hoff” Hoffman at the request of her dying aunt. They became estranged 30 years ago and her father suddenly vanished. No one has had contact with him since. As she tracks down people who knew her dad, she discovers the man beyond the father she knew. She learns that there are some people who may not want her father to be found. At the same time, Harris Fenton is a man with deep, dark secrets that he is desperate to keep hidden. His life is falling apart around him as he struggles to keep his secrets and keep his family together. As their stories grow closer together, Caroline and Harris must face the truth about the past. Will Caroline find her father? Will Harris be able to continue to hide his secrets? Or will the truth force itself to be told?

Tell No One is a riveting story of one woman’s search at all cost. Caroline is a great character who battles her own regret and anger toward her father as she tries to grant her aunt’s wish. When she learns disturbing information about her father, she must put the two images of the man together: one is the father she knew and loved and the man everyone else knew. Harris is a man battling chronic pain and deeper demons. The story switches back and forth between Caroline and Harris, as I read, I was wondered how these two people were related and when it was finally revealed, I gasped in surprise! I also enjoyed the realism in Caroline's responses as she learns information about her dad which challenged the image she had of him. I was hooked from the opening chapter to the final sentence. I highly recommend Tell No One.

Tell No One

will be released May 14, 2019

in paperback, eBook and audiobook

Peacocks: beautiful and elegant creatures

Many people can recognize peacocks, usually from pictures or from possibly zoos. But have you seen these birds roaming free? Last year when my husband and I moved our family into a community, we were told that there were peacocks which roamed the neighborhood. Thinking “oh wow, peacocks,” we weren’t prepared for the number of peacocks which would be around. So, I decided to investigate these birds, their habits and behaviors. I wanted to learn how they came to be in our area and how cultures use these birds as symbols and special meanings. What I found helped me understand these birds a little better and even appreciate these beautiful creatures.

The accurate name for these birds is peafowl and there are three species of birds in the genera Pavo and Afropavo of the Phasianidae family. Peacocks are male peafowls and peahens are female peafowls. Two of the species is the blue or Indian peafowl from the Indian subcontinent and the green peafowl of the Southeast Asia. The Congo peafowl is the African species which is native only to the Congo Basin. Peacocks are known for the piercing call and extravagant plunges with metallic blue and green colors. The “tail” or “train” of feathers are displayed as a part of a courtship ritual to peahens as well as a show of dominance and aggression to other peacocks. Peahens have a mixture of dull gray, brown and green feathers. They are forest birds who nest on the ground but roost in the trees. They are terrestrial feeders and are omnivores. They will eat plants, flowers petals, seeds, insects and other arthropods as well as reptiles and amphibians. They will actively hunt for ants, crickets, termites, millipedes as well as small mammals and small snakes. Wild peafowls look for food in the early morning and at dusk. They retreat to the shade and security of their nests at the hottest parts of the day.

A large flock of peafowls took residence on Osbun Street in the Del Rosa area of San Bernardino (Prado 2017). They are very comfortable with their surroundings and are not afraid of cars, bikes or people which I can attest to. They will take their sweet time to pass in front of a car regardless how much you honk the horn at them. They do not scurry away like other animals. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find how peacocks were introduced to the area. The only information I could find was Frank Vanderlip (1864-1937), the Father of Palos Verdes had a flock on his property in the Dapplegray of the Rolling Hills Estate area (The Sun 2009). Apparently in recent years, these beautiful birds have made themselves a menace or maybe the residents are just tired of them (Chlland 2016). Many of the resident complaining of the noise they make. I would assume that with time and individuals moving around, the birds have been transplanted across Southern California.

In Hinduism, the peacock is the mount of the god of war, Lord Kartikeya, as well as a symbol of the goddess of wisdom and arts and other goddesses. Chandragupta Maurya (c. 321 – c. 297 BCE), founder of the Mauryan Empire, used the peacock as a royal emblem and remained so until his grandson, Emperor Ashoka (c. 268 – 232 BCE) changed it to lions. The Peacock Throne was the seat of power for the Mughai Empire (early 16^th century to mid-19^th century). The Peacock is also represented in the zodiac of Burma. The Buddhist deity, Mahamayuri, is often depicted seated on a peacock. In Persia and Babylonia, the peacock is seen as the guardian of royalty. Ancient Greeks believed a peafowl’s flesh did not decay after death and became a symbol of immorality. Eastern Christians used the peacock “eye” as a symbol of the all-seeing God and became associated with paradise and the Tree of Life. Ashkenazi Jews use a golden peacock as a symbol of joy and creativity. Quills made from the bird’s feathers are a metaphor for a writer’s inspiration. And everyone is familiar with the National Broadcast Company’s (NBC) use of the 11-feathered peacock logo which was created in 1956 by John J. Graham.

In conclusion, peafowls are native to Asia and the African Congo. They are known for their beautiful metallic colors and feathers. They are omnivores, meaning they will eat practically anything. Peafowls are beautiful birds with an interesting and confusing history in Southern California. Yes, they can be loud. However, I’d rather listen to their calls than hearing a barking dog. Peacocks have important symbolism to eastern regions including royalty and immorality. If you ever get the chance to see these beautiful birds up close, I recommend taking a moment to observe them. They are fascinating to watch.

By the Light of Embers: a story of a young woman's fight for love and her dreams against the odds

By the Light of Embers by Shaylin Gandhi is the story of a young woman who must fight against the prejudice and societal expectations of the 1950s. It’s 1954 and Lucia Lafleur is a college graduate, engaged and just got accepted to medical school. Before heading home for the summer, her fiancé gives her an ultimatum: him or medical school. She heads home to Bellefontaine, Louisiana with her friend, Gretchen. Soon she befriends Nicholas Fletcher, a man from her childhood and someone she was supposed to stay away from. But Nicholas is unlike any man she has known, and she can’t help be drawn to him despite the danger. As their friendship blooms into something more, she realizes she is heading down a road that her hometown may not be ready for. Which man will she chose: the safe, logical one or the man who matches her passion and intelligence? Does she follow her heart or her dream?

By the Light of Embers is a story I wasn’t expecting. From the description I knew it was a story of a white woman and a black man in a relationship which was not acceptable in the South. As I read and was swept away by the passionate love story of Lucia and Nicholas, the drama of prejudice of those around them and the building of events which led to an amazing climax. The book didn’t end the way I thought it would, but it was a satisfying ending, wasn’t farfetched and just fit the story. It was a suspenseful and exciting story up to the very last page. I was so engrossed in the story that I didn’t realize it was coming to an end! I highly recommend By the Light of Embers!

By the Light of Embers

will be available May 9, 2019

in eBook

Today in History: Coca-Cola bottled for the first time!

In 1994, I became an accidental collector of Coca-Cola memorabilia. I bought a Coca-Cola bottle with the Argentinean flag on in during the 1994 World Cup. I have since amassed a large collection. So, when I was research events in history, I learned that March 12 marks the anniversary of Coca-Cola bottled first time in 1894. The famous drink was first sold in soda fountains for 5 cents a glass. It was created by Dr. John S. Pemberton, an Atlanta pharmacist in 1886. Pemberton created the flavored syrup which was added to carbonated water to create the soda we know today.

John Stith Pemberton was born July 8, 1831 in Knoxville, Georgia. He earned his medical degree from the Reform Medical College of George in Macon, Georgia at the age of 19. His main talent was chemistry. He married Ann Eliza Clifford in 1853 and their only child, Charles, was born in 1854. Pemberton would serve in the Civil War with the Third Cavalry Battalion of the Georgia State Guard, a component of the Confederate Army. He would earn the rank of lieutenant colonel. After becoming addicted to morphine from a battle wound, he began seeking alternative painkillers. His first recipe was called “Dr. Tuggle’s Compound Syrup of Globe Flower” which the main ingredient was derived from the buttonbush, a toxic plant common in Alaska. He began experimenting with coca and coca wines, creating Pemberton’s French Wine Coca which contained the extracts from kola nuts and damiana, an ingredient common in traditional Mexican liqueur.

In response to the Atlanta and Fulton County temperance legislation in 1886, Pemberton set out to create a non-alcoholic alternative to his French Wine Coca. What he created became Coca-Cola as it was derived from coca leaves and kola nuts. Pemberton’s business partner and bookkeeper, Frank M. Robinson, is credited with naming the beverage. Drugstore soda fountains were popular at the time as carbonated water was thought to be good for overall health. Pemberton would claim that his drink would cure several diseases including morphine addiction, indigestion, nerve disorders, headaches and impotence. Pemberton’s recipe called for 5 oz of coca leaf per gallon of syrup (approximately 37 g/l) which means that Coca-Cola once contained an estimated 9mg of cocaine per glass. A typical dose or “line” of cocaine contained 50-75 mg. A later recipe claimed to have one-tenth of Pemberton’s recipe and the coca leaf would be removed completely from the recipe in 1903. Prior to his death in 1888, Pemberton would sell the majority of his business interests to Asa G. Candler, an Atlanta businessman, who expanded the distribution of Coca-Cola beyond Atlanta.

The Biedenham Candy Company in Vicksburg, Mississippi would begin bottling it in 1894. Joseph A. Biedenham oversaw the bottling works. Hutchinson bottles were the original bottles. Coca Cola bottles would go through several redesigns before coming to the later hobble-skirt design, we know today, in 1915. Biedenham would send Candler a case, who thanked him but took no action as he wanted to focus on fountain sales. It wasn’t until two attorneys, Benjamin F. Thomas and Joseph B. Whitehead, obtained the exclusive rights to bottle Coca-Cola and Chattanooga, Tennessee became the site of the first Coca-Cola bottling company in 1899. By 1909, nearly 400 plants were in operation. Most of them were family owned and some were only in operation during hot weather months when the demand was high. By the 1920s, with over 1,000 bottling plants in the US, bottle sales were surpassing fountain sales. During the 1920s and 1930s saw international expansion. By the beginning of World War II, Coca-Cola would be bottled in over 44 countries.

In conclusion, Coca-Cola began as a “cure” for various ailments and became a cultural phenomenon. A product enjoyed around the world. From its humble beginnings with a pharmacist trying to ease his pain, to becoming a product being recognized worldwide, Coca-Cola is an American story of ingenuity and genius marketing. First, being popular at the local pharmacy counter and then bottling it for nationwide distribution. Coca-Cola has remained popular since its creation. It is usually first in many markets with its main competitor, Pepsi, in a close second and second to Pepsi in other markets. Here’s to the first bottling of Coca-Cola!

References

The Coca-Cola Company. www.coca-colacompany.com/our-company/history-of-bottling. Retrieved March 9, 2019

Wikipedia. www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Stith_Pemberton. Retrieved March 4, 2019

Convergence: how does one fight back against terror?

Convergence by Ginny L Yttrup is a suspense thriller about one woman’s fight against her stalker and returning her life to normal. Dr. Denilyn Rossi is a psychology professor who once had it all. A loving marriage and a bestselling book until its all shattered by someone who was sending her gifts, hang up phone calls. Her marriage becomes shattered and her own mental health is left in a fragile state. After many years, she is still trying to get her life back and once she feels she has a handle on things, the stalker returns. Another woman enters the story, Adelia is traveling to Three Rivers, California to take a job as a rafting tour guide. The stories of these two women are told from different time points. As the journey of these two women converge, who is the person torturing Denilyn? Can she find him and fight him once and for all? How does Adelia play into the whole story?

I loved this book. It kept me guessing on how it was playing out and where it was going. When I finished the book and looked back on all the clues, the identity of the stalker was there all along and like a really good thriller, the author has skillfully hidden them in plain view. There isn’t much I can discuss about what I liked about the book because it would give away major plot points; however, I can say that, while the book starts off slow and you aren’t quite sure what’s going on as the book jumps back and forth in time, it all becomes clear as the book reaches it the final act. I highly recommend Convergence!

Convergence

is available in paperback and eBook

International Women's Day: a look into its history and why feminism can be difficult to define

Today is International Women’s Day. The earliest observance was “National Woman’s Day” in February 28, 1909 in New York, organized by the Socialist Party of American at the suggestion of Theresa Malkiel. Inspired by the American socialist, other countries established their own woman’s days. The United Nations celebrated International Women’s Year in 1975 and in 1977, the UN General Assembly invited members to proclaim March 8 as the UN Day for Women’s Rights and world peace. The general theme every International Women’s Day is to acknowledge the social, economic, cultural and political achievements of women. The specific theme of this year’s day is Balance for Better, a call to action for accelerating gender balance.

Theresa Malkiel (1874-1949) was a Russian-born American labor activist, suffragist and educator. In 1910, she published The Diary of a Shirtwaist Striker, a fictionalized account of the shirtwaist strike and told from the point of view of an American born worker who is initially wary of her immigrant co-workers. From what I was able to read about her, Malkiel seemed to be wary of the term, feminism, as she turned on middle class women and blamed them for distracting women from socialism with the “false consciousness of feminism” (Sorin). I don’t know what Malkiel meant by false consciousness; but according to one explanation I found was a woman being misled by the patriarchy as the source of her experiences as a woman. In a sense, feminism would be a more accurate analysis of a woman’s experience than her own. Examples of accusations of false consciousness would be: 1) insisting that a woman has experienced sexism, even if she asserts she never has, 2) insisting that a woman's choice of clothes is dictated by the patriarchy when she regards them as a personal choice and 3) insisting that a woman's career was chosen because of hindrance of her real skills or potential by the patriarchy. In my case, feminists might see the fact that I am a stay at home mom was chosen for me rather than by my free will. As I read all these terms, I asked myself, what exactly is feminism?

Feminism is defined as “the advocacy of women's rights on the basis of the equality of the sexes.” It seems so simple. The thing is that for some, the definition of feminism is hard because “it’s impossible to have an all-inconclusive definition” (Laurino, 2016). In other words, it can mean different things to different people. It can be simply advocating right and equity for women and that doesn’t mean you have to be anti-man to be pro-woman (Oliver, 2012). Although, many of the feminist leaders certainly has given that impression over the years. In general, contemporary American feminism has come to mean “championing women’s autonomy and challenging the privileging of male over female” (Laurino, 2016). When you hear feminist, what do you picture? An angry woman who burns her bra and is anti-man? It’s what I see. It’s the image I have seen in so many documentaries. It’s a person telling me that in order to be fulfilled I need a career. I need something more than being a wife and mother. But what if that is what I want? Growing up, my dream career choices always changed but what never did was my desire to be a wife and a mother. Some feminists might tell me that is just the patriarchy telling you that you want that. No, it is. I am proud to be a Mrs. I am happy to wake up in the morning, make my husband’s coffee and hand him his lunch as he leaves for work. I am happy to get my daughter off to school and be at home to care for our infant daughter.

So, I asked myself, could I be considered at feminist anyway? I went through the list given in the article 15 Signs You’re Actually a Feminist (Oliver, 2012) and I am 47% feminist. I support rights and equality for women because the United States has made some strides in equality, there are still many changes still to be made. According to the Work Bank study, the US performed poorly in the “having children” category as it lags behind other countries in terms of maternity, paternity and parental leave” (Picheta and Mirchandani, 2019). However, I don’t really pay attention to how gender roles on portrayed in the media and I don’t get highly offended if I am given specific tasks based on gender. I prefer to be inside cleaning or cooking than outside mowing the lawn. The idea of getting married and having children in my 20s wasn’t undesirable. I technically did get married in my 20s but I was closer to 30 than 20. One of the reasons I do not like to call my self a feminist is because I don’t want to be anti-man. It is unfortunate that the image is bra-burning, man-hating, women “running around emasculating men or triumph one gender over the other” (Neustaeter, 2019). Being anti-man isn’t going to get the equality women want and I have a feeling that some feminists want to treat men as women have been treated but attitude is shallow and counterproductive. And feminism shouldn’t be about agreeing with every woman’s opinion but simply acknowledging and voicing our own opinion (Neustaeter, 2019). I acknowledge everyone’s opinion whether I like it or not.

In conclusion, International Women’s Day is a day to acknowledge and celebrate the contributions women have made in our history as well as today. With it’s humble begins during the suffragette movement, the day is a day to bring more awareness to the changes we need to make in our world. While I do not fully consider myself a feminist, I do recognize that many issues remain in our society where women are at a disadvantage to men and we can continue the good work of so many before us. With feminism being so broadly defined, it has led to many misunderstandings and animosity in today’s world. To me, men and women should be able to do any job they wish and live a life according to their beliefs and standards. We need to learn to acknowledge each other’s opinion, whether we agree with them or not, and react with maturity rather than hate and bullying.

References

Laurino, Maria. (February 18, 2016). What does it mean to be a Feminist? www.huffingtonpost.com/maria-laurino/what-does-it-mean-to-be-a_b_9269592.html. Retrieved March 3, 2019.

Neustaeter, Katie (March 3, 2019). There shouldn’t be an International Woman’s Day. www.cfjctoday.com/column/656359/there-shouldnt-be-international-womens-day?fbclid=IwAR39G2MJa2xhOWBv7c4rDijsIfEeLN56luw5kkHtHMHfrkQKLM5MwhN3H5g. Retrieved March 3, 2019.

Oliver, Brittany. (December 11, 2012). 15 Signs You’re Actually a Feminist. www.mic.com/articles/20561/15-signs-you-re-actually-a-feminist#.lgkfsij1N.

Retrieved March 3, 2019.

Picheta, Rob and Mirchandani, Kieron. (March 2, 2019). Only Six Countries have Equal Rights for Men and Women, World Bank Finds. www.edition.cnn.com/2019/03/02/europe/world-bank-gender-equality-report-intl/index.html. Retrieved March 3, 2019.

Sorin, Gerald (Jewish Women’s Archive) Socialism in the United States. https://jwa.org/encyclopedia/article/socialism-in-united-states. Retrieved March 3, 2019.

Stand Beautiful: an inspirational story of self-acceptance and forgiveness

Stand Beautiful: A Story of Brokenness, Beauty and Embracing it All is the personal story of Chloe Howard, a young girl born with a physical deformity and endured many surgeries and physical therapies in order to be able to walk, skip and even stand. Just to be alive was a miracle, so her physical deformity was made her unique. Her parents told her that she was fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14) and she was beautiful. When she entered high school, she was physically attacked as students held her down, forcibly took off her shoe and sock and mocked her foot. She said that the 90 second attacked torn down 14 years of self-acceptance. It was a chance meeting with U2’s Bono that she was encouraged to find her voice and be the voice for the millions of students who are bullied every day. What does it mean to stand beautiful?

It took me a long time to be able to sit down and read this book but once I did, I was amazed at the wisdom and maturity in this 16-year-old. She has experienced so much in her young life that I applaud her courage and determination. After reading her book, I found her TED talk online and to listen to her story again, I was again astonished at the statistics she presents and heartbroken that so many kids and teenagers experience bullying at such rates. Even though, the book is marketed for youth readers, I highly recommend that adults read it too. It is a great tool to discuss bullying with our children.

Stand Beautiful: A Story of Brokenness, Beauty and Embracing it All

is available in paperback, eBook and Audiobook.

Happy National Reading Awareness Month: tips to encourage reading for everyone

As many of you know, I have an avid bookworm. A bibliophile who loves getting a new book. The anticipation of the exciting new adventure awaiting me inside its pages. March is National Reading Awareness Month. A time to celebrate and encourage children’s interest in reading, writing and literacy. It’s aims to focus on improvement of reading skills as well as helping make reading a daily habit. It was founded in part to celebrate the birthday of Dr Seuss aka Theodore Geisel (March 2, 1904-September 24, 1991). Here is a list of suggestion on how you can encourage reading this month and every day!

1. Read Aloud

Reading aloud for 15 minutes a day helps build language development, instills a love of reading, gains knowledge and literacy skills, helps brain development and builds parent-child bonding. It doesn’t have to be 15 minutes in one sitting. It can be spread throughout the day.

2. Need something to read?

You don’t need to read a bunch of children’s books. You can read anything: a recipe as your child helps you with dinner, a product label at the grocery story, reading the menu at a restaurant, etc.

3. Take Turns

As your child gets older, you can read a book to them and then let them read to you.

4. Choose your material well

Make sure the stories are appropriate for your child’s age and maturity. Some children may not be able to handle a story’s sad ending while others can.

5. Check out your local library

Most libraries will allow children to receive their own library card. Going to the library and allowing children to browse the shelf and pick several titles to take home and read will help encourage a love of reading. Also, if you have a eBook reader or app like the Kindle, some libraries offer eBook available for check out. They are easily downloaded to your reader and when the book is due; the book will be removed from your reader. No taking a trip to drop off a book and no forgetting to turn it in and accruing late fees.

6. Reading isn’t just for bedtime    

Read aloud anytime of the day. While reading a book at bedtime is a time-honored tradition, you can change things up a bit. Read a book on a Saturday morning after breakfast or have time set aside in the afternoon for a story. I remember growing up and spending summer days at a neighbor’s house where we would read a story, usually a fairy tale, before going out to swim. It is a beloved memory I have and remember the stories fondly.

7. Let your child see you read

As the saying goes, “Monkey see, monkey do,” show your child that books are important to you and they will become important to them. My seven-year-old daughter wants to write book reviews like I do for this blog. She sees the time I carve out to read a book, to write down my thought and then write me review. Even if she doesn’t start her own book reviews, she sees that books are important in my life and she is willing to make them an important part of hers.

8. Place books everywhere

Have access to books everywhere in your house and car so when the opportunity arises to read, your child can read.

9. Introduce your child to your favorite childhood books

Dr. Seuss books are a classic favorite among many parents. Other favorites are the Winnie the Pooh stories by AA Milne, Charlotte’s Web and other books by E.B, the Harry Potter series and many more.

10. Consider audiobooks for times when reading may not be feasible

Traveling is the best opportunity for audiobooks when taking physical books is too difficult. An audiobook can be easily played in a cd player or a smartphone or tablet with apps like Audible (Amazon) and Google Play Books.

In conclusion, reading doesn’t have to be expensive or time consuming. Reading is a skill which will take a child far in life. Reading opens your world to new ideas, the depths and complexities of history and experience worlds long gone or far away. Reading also can be a great stress reliever and entertaining just like a movie or tv show. Reading isn’t just for nerds. Reading isn’t just for learning. Reading is for everyone and everything. Take an extra step this National Reading Awareness Month and instill a love of reading to a child in your life and encourage reading every day of the year.