Recently I was having a conversation with another mother and
as we talked about our kids and their development, I noticed a change in her
demeanor. I was curious what could have possibly caused this change. Later that
night, I replayed the conversation in my head, and I realized that when I
didn’t agree with a statement she made, she quickly changed the subject. Then I
started thinking about the other moms I have encountered. Everyone has head
terms like soccer moms, crunchy moms, stay-at-home moms, and working moms.
Among these types, I have come across certain behaviors and personalities. After
some research, I compiled a list of the few types of moms I have experienced.
1. The By The Book Mom: This mom is one who is always
consulting the “experts.” The pediatrician, the parenting books, other mothers
and practically anyone for advice on anything from milestones to discipline. Questioning
everything about what their child is doing, should be doing, or isn’t doing. She
won’t come to a decision easily. She will constantly second and third guess
herself. And even after she has decided, she worries that she’s made the wrong
decision. Either she is new to motherhood or not, this mom will constantly
research and ask for medical advice. She’s the first to believe in old wives
tales and believe stories about a friend of a friend. This mom is often a
worrier to the 10th degree who stresses about her children in every
possible way from germs to healthy eating to TV. Sometimes a new mom may start
out as the By The Book Mom and with a little experience, she may evolve into
another type or not. Because sometimes once a worrier, always a worrier.
2. The Go With the Flow Mom: This mom is the polar
opposite of the By The Book Mom. She is calm in the face of chaos. She is very
attuned to her children’s needs but unfazed by seemingly “disasters.” A diaper
blow out? No problem for this mom. She just cleans it up. Baby spit up on her
shirt? “Oh, well,” says this mom, “it happens.” She can be called the Girl
Scout Mom because she’s ready for anything (Flory). She is armed with snacks, drinks,
and extra clothes just in case they are needed. And while having a schedule is
important, she realizes that sometimes a schedule just isn’t going to work, and
she expects the unexpected and adjusts accordingly. This mom might be so laid
back that other moms think she’s a laissez-faire mom when she’s not. She just
doesn’t see the point of freaking out when there’s a task to do.
3. The Martyr Mom: This mom puts herself last and
lets everyone knows that she does, even when she doesn’t need to. These types
of moms focus on what they don’t have instead of what they do. She will use her
motherhood as a victim status. Suffered a difficult pregnancy? Infertility issues?
A difficult delivery? Oh, she’ll tell you about it and may even constantly
remind everyone of her issues. She wants everyone from her husband to her
children to the stranger on social media to understand the sacrifices she has
made to become a mother and as a mother. She may be a stay-at-home mom, or a
working mom, it doesn’t matter. This mom demands attention and appreciation for
her sacrifice. She may resort to guilt tripping her family, “After all I’ve
done for you,” when she doesn’t get what she feels she deserves. And even if
another mom has a similar experience, she will counter because her experience
must be better or worse than another mother’s. Because no woman has suffered as
much as she has.
4. The Toxic Mom: The Me-First Mom: This mom is often
the selfish and self-absorbed mom. She fails to see her children as individuals
and their role is to fall in line. She is the perfectionist in which appearance
is everything. Her children learn early is that their role is to make their
mother shine and if they fail to perform, there will be hell to pay. If the
public image begins to crack, she will go berserk and try to repair whatever
“damage” before it becomes too apparent. She will play the comparison game
(Streep, 2019) with her child. Comparing her child to her other children or any
child if it achieves the same end: the child’s obedience and compliance. She
might be a master at passive aggression and stonewalling. Stonewalling is a
type of silent treatment. A toxic mom will pretend a child does not exist,
ignoring their presence or even their statements to get that child’s compliance
and obedience (Streep, 2019).
5. The Complete Mom: This mom is the best of the
best. This is the mom everyone hopes to have, and few do. She is confident,
emotionally balanced and sees her children as individuals and helps them
achieve their own independence. She isn’t perfect herself but regardless of her
other adult responsibilities, she is committed to motherhood (Psychologies,
2019). She admits her faults when she does or says something that could be
consider toxic or inappropriate. This mom may also be the Guilt Free Mom as she
will gladly hand off the care of her children to her husband or a babysitter,
when she needs to, without a second thought. She understands the mantra that
you can’t pour from an empty cup and will take time for herself in order to be
a better wife and mother. Her children feel loved and understood that they can
take risks, embrace change as well as have the ability and insight to
appreciate other people’s perspectives (Psychologies, 2019). In my experience,
the Complete Mom can be the product of another Complete Mom or she grew up with
the other types and knew what patterns she did not want to repeat.
In conclusion, there are many types of moms out there. Most
moms are caring, loving and hard working. While other moms see their children
as their pawns and demand attention and control as they are the reason the
children are here in the first place. Motherhood is about challenges and
learning as you go. Some women take to motherhood like a duck takes to water
while other moms it is a steep learning curve until they get the hang of it.
Even some moms you encounter leave you wondering why they became moms in the
first place. As a mom, I have learned not to compare myself to other moms and
especially not to compare my kids to their kids. What works for one mom may not
or would not work for another mom and every kid is different.
References
Flory, Amy. (no date). 8 Types of Moms You Definitely
Know. https://www.activekids.com/parenting-and-family/articles/8-types-of-moms-you-definitely-know.
Retrieved May 13, 2020.
Psychologies. (January 13, 2019). The five mother types.
Psychologies. https://www.psychologies.co.uk/five-mother-types.
Retrieved May 13, 2020
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