Soul mates. Everyone knows not everyone believes. Some
search for their entire lives for “the One.” Others seem to find theirs and
live happily ever after. By definition, a soul mate is a person who is ideally
suited to another. This is usually through a deep or natural affinity. Naturally,
people think of soul mates as romantic partners with the implication of an
exclusive lifelong bond. The idea of soul mates has been around since the
ancient world. What are the signs of a soul mate? Of course there are
criticisms and active push to undo the belief in soul mates.
The idea of soul mates comes from Ancient Greece. In his
dialogue The Symposium, Plato has
Aristophanes present a story about soul mates. In the story, humans were
originally had hour arms, four legs and a single head made of two faces. Humans
had great strength and threatened to conquer the gods. Zeus decides to split
the humans in half as punishment for humanity’s pride. The split leads to
misery in humans and they long for the other half of their soul. According to
this story, when the two find each other, there is an unspoken understanding of
another, feeling, unity and no greater joy. Another story of soul mates comes
from Theosophy, where God created androgynous souls (equally male and female).
The souls were split into separate genders, having incurred karma. Over a
number of reincarnations, each half seeks the other. When all the karmic debt is
purged, the two will be fused back together.
Soul mates are often thought of as marriage partners. In the
Jewish view called Bashert (Yiddish
word for “destiny”). To be someone’s basherte (female) or basherter (male) is
to be someone’s divinely preordained spouse or soul mate. When I met my
husband, it was not love at first sight. We were co-workers until one day he
decided to risk asking me out. After two years of dating, we were married.
While researching this topic, I realize now that he is my soul mate for five
reasons. First, I am comfortable with him. I am not or ever have been afraid of
being vulnerable with him. I can easily share my fears, desires, fantasies or
secrets without shame or fear of ridicule. Second, there is a strong attraction
both physically as well as emotionally. Third, words are often not necessary
between us. We have a very strong non-verbal communication. We can relay so
many messages without very little effort. Fourth, we can laugh easily with each
other. Lastly and most importantly, I can’t see myself without someone else. I
try to imagine my life without him and I get very sad. He is my soul mate.
Of course, there is great criticisms for believing in soul
mates. One main criticism is that a believing that a soul mate exists specially
for a person is an unrealistic expectation. To the point, that many
universities are now teaching classes on the subject. Some experts say that the
concept of soul mates seems to lead to dissatisfaction with their relationships
(The Case against Soul Mates July 30, 2014). This article included a test to
show where someone stood on soul mates. I took the test and I scored high on
both sets. I am a hopeless romantic as well as believe that relationships can
work through just about anything. A contradiction! I believe in soul mates but
I know that relationships can work through hard work. There is evidence that
couples can become each other’s soul mates as a result of a deep and lasting
relationship. According to psychologist Shauna Springer, “two individuals who
have become perfect for and irreplaceable to each other have become soul mates”
(Soulmates do Exist July 28, 2012).
I know I’ve written very simply about a topic which can be
very complicated. Believe in soul mates or not, relationships are hard work. I
believe that through hard work and dedication, couples can become soul mates. “Couples
who, at their core, very good friends are also more likely to be more in love,
be more committed to each other, and even have better sex than couples who values
their friendship less” (Melissa Dahl July 30, 2014). My husband and I are very
good friends as well as marriage partners. We enjoy each other’s company and
enjoy doing things together. To me, my husband and I are soul mates.
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