Michal: the story of love turned into bitterness

Michal was the daughter of Saul and David’s first wife. She was a woman of strong emotions who often found herself unable to control the important circumstances of her life. She was a woman who could think and act quickly when it was needed, but she would also lie when under pressure and allowed herself to become bitter. She would find herself ensnared in the drawn out battle between her father and her husband, which would leave her bitter and resentful. She would, for a time, share a passionate love with her husband. It is the only time in the Bible that a woman is described as loving a man (1 Samuel 18:20). But that love would turn cold. What is her story? How did she turn from a woman in love to one who hated her husband? What lessons can we learn from her story? 

Her story is short, spanning decades but two main details are known about her. Her love for David and later her resentment toward him. She loved David since he was a shepherd boy who felled the mighty Goliath. There are two parts to Michal’s story. In Part 1, she is a woman in love. She helps him escape from her father’s pursuing army. Lies to her father’s guards to buy him time. In Part 2, she is queen as David is now king. She is horrified as she watches, from a window, as her husband dances and leaps as the Ark of the Covenant is brought into the city of Jerusalem. Her love has turned to loathing. She confronts him, telling him that a king should not act in such a way. David responds that he danced for the Lord and no one else (2 Samuel 6:21-22). The distance between them grew and their silence thickened like ice. The Bible’s last statement on Michal says she spent the rest of her life alone and childless (2 Samuel 6:23).

At the heart of her story is worship. Worship can take several forms in prayer, song, dancing and musical instruments. For many people, there are only right ways to worship. The person who sings off key with tears rolling down their face is truly worshipping as the person who sings perfectly and subdued. But what many people forget is that at the center of worship is the heart and a life dedicated to God. God makes it clear he won’t be satisfied with only the forms of worship, because that is not the focus. If a person’s heart is not for God, then their worship is meaningless, empty. True worship, whether it is dancing wildly as David did, or the person singing off-key, is a joyful noise to the Lord (Psalm 100:1-2). Michal’s contempt for David’s worship shows her own lack of true dedication to the Lord. She was content to be a critical spectator rather than a true worshipper. It may also be jealousy that if David had such love and devotion for the Lord, she may have thought he didn’t love her. Maybe she wanted that love all to herself. 

Michal is an example of how quickly life’s unexpected turns can make us bitter, if we do not guard our hearts with care. Bitterness will make a bad situation worse. What fueled Michal’s bitterness? Was it because she was a mere pawn in the battle between her father and her husband? The Bible doesn’t speak if she had any faith, did she go through the motions like her father? Whatever the reason, Michal grew to be more like her father than David. Like her father, her heart for David went from love to hate. She was a victim; but being a victim doesn’t excuse her behavior. Even victims have choices. The power to choose the attitude of our hearts. We are not responsible for all that happens to us, but we are responsible for how we respond. The Bible doesn’t tell us why Michal remained childless. Was it because God didn’t allow her to conceive? Or is it possible that the coldness between them, resulted in David setting her aside for one of his other wives that would follow? 

In conclusion, Michal was a woman driven by love and bitterness. She helps the man she loves escape the murderous intent of her father but later becomes bitter toward the same man. She despised David, in her eyes, for his wanton worship. The heart behind worship is more important than the method of worship. Whether someone is dancing in the streets or singing off-key, as long as the heart is filled with love and appreciation for the Lord, it is pleasing to him. This concept is what Michal misses. Maybe she wasn’t a woman of faith. She may not have believed as David did. Whether way, Michal lives out her life alone, possibly forgotten. The main lesson from her story is we control how we respond to life’s circumstances. We either play the victim and sulk or we rise to the challenge and learn to move forward. 

No Thanks: One woman's journey to live life on her own terms

No Thanks: Black, Free and Living in the Martyr-Free Zone by Keturah Kendrick is a collection of eight essay as Ms. Kendrick chronicles her journey to freedom. She shares her stories as well as the stories of other women who have freed themselves “from the narrow definition of what makes a ‘proper woman.’” Ms. Kendrick especially puts a spotlight on the cultural bullying  that puts pressures on women to become wives and others and the expectation that one must follow the spiritual traditions of previous generations. Through her wit and humor, Ms. Kendrick speaks directly to black women as she imagines a world where black women can like choices that center on their needs and desires rather than the choices society offers them. No Thanks is a mixture of memoir and cultural critique to paint the 21st century black woman free from the chains of someone else’s expectations. 

Even though I am not Ms. Kendrick’s target audience, I enjoyed her candor and wit as she examines her fight to live her life her way. Right off the bat, she tells her readers that our families, mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, etc, are not entitled or allowed to edit the “blueprint” or path of our lives in order to suit their wants and desires. She even dives into the growing criticism of the selfishness of women who choose not to have children. While I have always known that I wanted to be a wife and mother, I have never thought of another woman who didn’t want the same as selfish. The essays are short and easy to read. I found her very interesting and even when I didn’t agree with all of her premises, she was clear about her reasons. I recommend No Thanks. 

No Thanks: Black, Free and Living in the Martyr-Free Zone is available in paperback and eBook.  

The customer is NOT always right!

The motto “the customer is always right” was popularized by retail pioneers Harry G. Selfridge, John Wanamaker and Marshall Field. It is a phrase that irritates me to the bone because the customer isn’t always right. It is a phrase that customer have used as the basis to walk into a business demanding whatever they wish regardless of cost or ability to fulfill a request. As early as 1914, there have been challenges to this statement and how it is bad for business. In my retail experience, I’ve seen and heard customer try and weasel their way to discounts or free items. I have three reasons why this phrase should no longer be used: dishonesty, unrealistic expectations and lowering employee morale.

First, customers can be dishonest. Some customers come in causing a situation in order to get something discounted or even free. I’ve had customers tell me that store X or store Y will fulfill a request, why can’t you? Or store X has this so much cheaper, can you price match? This is usually a ploy to get the employee to panic, thinking “I’ll lose this customer to another store if I can’t make this happen.” It usually does not. I’ve seen customers come in time and time again after swearing up and down that they would never shop at a my store because we could not do what they wanted. I’ve made such a claim better, when I’ve said that I would never shop or eat at a business again, and I’ve kept that promise. I can name a few stores or restaurant where my husband and I have not gone to for years because we were upset at our experience.  

Second, customer can have unrealistic expectations. I’ve had customers come in with an agenda, determined to get something for nothing. For instance, I used to work for a bakery and cakes can be pricy when you add all the bells and whistles. For my bakery, there were some things we could not do with cake because we did not have the equipment or the space especially when a customer comes in wanting something seen on Ace of Cakes or the Cake Boss. One customer came in with a ridiculous request that I apologize and told her that we were not able to do. The style of cakes done on these shows take a great deal of talent, planning and design that a simple in-store bakery just doesn’t have. In most instances, the cake decorators have only on-the-job training and did not go to a special school in order to decorate cakes.

Finally, it can hurt employee morale when managers consistently bend the rules for customers because they are so afraid of losing customers. They make the employee look like a fool when he or she was simply following company policy. I’m not talking about customer who have legitimate complaints or concerns. I’m talking about the customers who walk in the door and you know will be trouble. Situations that make you feel like an idiot. An employee is simple trying to follow company policy, as trained. It felt like if the management doesn’t care about the corporate policy, then why should I? Now imagine situations like this happening day-in and day-out. It can get very draining that I understand why some employees simply stop caring about the job, about the customers and about the business.

In conclusion, customer service is extremely important. Happy customers mean better business and possibly more business because word of mouth is important. However, there are customers who are so dishonest and have an agenda that nothing, short of giving them something for free, will make them happy. Keeping the customer happy does not mean allowing the employees to be walked all over in order please one customer. A good management team should be able to recognize when the customer is being dishonest for their gain as well as being able to stand up and say “I’m sorry I can’t fulfill that request.” I think the most important thing to remember is high employee morale equals good customer service equals happy customers.