New Year's thoughts and reflections

It’s that time again. As another year closes and the promise of new beginnings in a new year is before us, I am taking the time to reflect on 2019 as well as look forward to 2020. I think about the changes my life has gone through this year and I wish I could tell go back in time and tell myself, that everything will work out and I would be alright. To quote from the movie, Forrest Gump (1994), “Don’t you just love New Year’s? You get to start all over.” Everyone loves New Year’s and the chance to start fresh.

More changes came with 2019. My husband and I moved once again to a beautiful home that we have been incredibly blessed with. We have hit a stride that we finally have this adult thing down. As I turned 40 this year and I have the benefit of my experience to look back on and know that there is no time or place I would rather be. Although stress and hard times will always come our way, I feel we are better equipped to deal with whatever life may throw our way. My husband continues to grow professionally at work and takes great pride in a job well done. My oldest daughter is thriving at her new school and has grown into such a young lady that it’s hard to fathom that she will be 8 years old in a few weeks. My youngest daughter is now a toddler, walks and climbs and gets into all sorts of mischief. I look forward to further growth in 2020.

It's interesting that in 2019 was the year of continued growth in my life but it was also the year of looking back. As the song, Auld Lang Syne, commonly sung at new year’s, says “Should old acquaintance be fought and never brought to mind,” this year was the year of old friends from long ago brought to my mind. One friend, whom I haven’t seen since junior high, I have been thinking about her for a while and when I found her picture in my photo box, I took a chance to look her up. I was able to find her on Facebook but as hesitate to contact her. Would she remember me? Would she want to speak with me? Another friend popped up on my “People You May Know” list on Facebook. Most of the time they are people whom I have mutual friends with but sometimes it brings up random people like “Yeah! I do know him/her!” Sometimes the desire to reconnect with old friends is strong. Maybe 2020 will be the year of reconnection.

2020 will be another year of change as it brings the presidential election and other changes. While I am not looking forward to the ad campaigns, the mudslinging and the tensions between family and friends and even strangers on the internet. It comes with the territory of differing opinions, I guess but it stresses me out. It may be the time which I limit my time on social media. 2020 also brings the Summer Olympics in Tokyo to look forward too. Also, a very special birthday for my wonderful husband comes up this year so that will be a great time of celebration. 2020 is also the year to make new goals and work toward achieving those goals. I welcome the challenges which will undoubtedly come my way. I know that I have the love and support of my wonderful husband and extended family and friends to battle on whatever comes my way.

In conclusion, 2019 was a year of change and amazing blessings. 2020 is a new chance for new beginnings. But then again, each day is a chance for a new you. As I look down the calendar and see all that will happen, good and bad, expected and unexpected, it will be a great year. And before you know it, we will be saying goodbye to another year and looking forward to the promise of another new year.

Remembering Grandma Ruby on her birthday

Today is June 1^st and it holds a special place in my heart. Today is my Cousin Jody’s 19^th birthday (Happy Birthday, Jody!). Today also would have been my Grandma Ruby’s 94^th birthday. My grandma has been on my mind lately. Since her death in 2005, I’ve learned that I wished I knew her better, talked to her more. I’ve have so many questions now. One of my most treasured items from my grandma was actually mine to begin with. It’s only a few inches tall, plush and insignificant to someone else. But to me, it is most precious and here’s why.

This item is a tiny plush Eeyore with magnetic hands which allows it to be wrapped around something. My favorite Winnie-the-Pooh character has been Eeyore since high school. I’m not sure why. I suppose because Eeyore is a gloomy character and I can relate to that. Even though I am generally a positive person, I sometimes feel as if I am insignificant in the grand schemes of this big wide world. I bought this particular Eeyore at Disneyland many, many years ago. I placed it around the gearshift of my 1987 Toyota Camry. And there it stayed for many months until one day it was gone. I couldn’t figure out how I lost it but it was gone. I thought about getting a new one but never got around to getting one. It wasn’t until after my grandma’s passing, as the family was cleaning out her dresser drawers, was it found.

Something you need to know about my grandma. She was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. It was very hard to see this beautiful woman, who cared deeply for her children and grandchildren, slowly forget who she was or where she was. Sometimes I could see the recognition in her eyes, even though I knew she could not remember my name. Eventually it came to a point she was not safe home alone and my aunt was able to find a Senior Day Care she could attend during the day. I would often pick her up and bring her home. As I can figure, one day when I brought her home, she reached over and took the Eeyore as I moved to her side of the car to help her out. Why would she take it? Did she like it? Did she see it and think of me? Maybe she took it without really any thought.

I wish Grandma Ruby can see me now. Happily married to a wonderful husband and father. Mother to an amazing little girl who I marvel at every day. I wish she was there when I lost my daughter, Ziva. I wish I could have asked her how she moved on after losing her own son. Although I can guess her answer. Because she had to. A woman who lived through the Great Depression, the loss of a sister so young, losing her boyfriend in World War II and to lose her firstborn child. There is a reason her generation is called The Greatest Generation. She wasn’t perfect. She made her share of mistakes but she loved her family fiercely and did her best to make sure her family had what they needed. I grew up watching her devotion to my grandfather. I saw them bicker but they always came together for a kiss. It’s something I emulate today with my husband.

So, this tiny Eeyore has become very dear to me. When I got the Eeyore back, I didn’t put it back in my car. No, I put it in my room where it had a special spot. Even today, Eeyore still hangs around my bedroom lamp on my dresser among my other treasures. It may not seem like a very special place but it is. I see it every day and think of my grandma. It’s a little dirty but it makes me smile. It’s the little things that can remind us of our loved ones. A song, a scent, and a simple little knickknack.

My Grandma Ruby’s obituary from the Orange County Register http://www.ocregister.com/articles/ruby-207108-ken-children.html