Hannah: a lesson in faith and prayer

One of the women I related to the most in the Bible is Hannah. A woman who desperately wanted a child and had to suffer month after month when it was evident she hadn’t conceived. She was treated with malice and ridicule by her husband’s second wife , who was able to have child after child, but she never responded with malice in return. She may have even suffered from the pitiful, sympathetic looks from the women in her community.  Instead she suffered in silence and poured her heart out to God. Her story is told briefly in 1 Samuel 1-2:11, 19-21. While her story is short, it has an impact felt by many and, by her example, can give hope to other women who suffer from infertility. Her story is one of affliction, despair and faith. It is also an example of God’s comfort and concern for the oppressed and afflicted. 

Hannah actively avoids her husband’s second wife, Peninnah, a woman who has given birth when Hannah has not. Her husband, Elkanah, attempts to comfort her which only adds to her pain and isolation. On a yearly trip to the Tabernacle, Hannah stays behind as the rest of her family goes to rest for the night. She stays there, weeping and praying. Her lips were silent but her heart poured out to God. She prays that if God would grant her a son, she would give him to the Lord for all the days of his life (1 Samuel 1:11). When Eli, the priest, spots her, he assumes she is drunk, which was common, and confronts her. Hannah explains why she is there, Eli blesses her. Back home, Hannah conceives and gives birth to Samuel. After Samuel is weaned (about 3 years old), she takes him to Eli at the temple. Each year Hannah would present Samuel with a robe she made as the family would make the trip to the temple. Each year Eli would ask God to bless her, to replace the child she prayed for and gave up for the Lord. Hannah would become the mother of three more sons and two daughters. Like Sarah and Rachel, Hannah grieved for the children she couldn’t have. Unlike them, Hannah took her anguish directly to God. Instead of pitying herself, she poured out her heart and soul to God. 

Infertility is defined as not being able to conceive after a minimum of six months of unprotected sex. Infertility is physically and emotionally draining that despite her best efforts, a woman is unable to become pregnant. Women who cannot have children often feel less than female. The emotional pain is tremendous with debilitating personal sorrow made worse by a husband’s disappointment, pressure from the families and pity from society. Hannah was a woman of faith who turned to God when she was in the depths of her deepest sorrow. She realized only He would answer her prayer and only He could prove the consolation and purpose in life she desperately wanted. As I faced my own infertility issues, I took Hannah’s example to heart and prayed to God. After I suffered my first miscarriage in May 2010, I looked to God for answers, for guidance and peace it be His will that I never have children. I prayed that he would give the doctors wisdom and the tools. I gave birth to my first child in January 2012 but my infertility journey was not over. I would have miscarriage after miscarriage for five years until I delivered another child in August 2018. Infertility has been a humbling experience. Some women never overcome the feelings of shame and regret that they couldn’t have children at all or couldn’t have more. It is an emotional scar they carry with them for the rest of their lives. A wound that never truly heals. 

There are three lessons in Hannah’s story. First, God provides comfort and peace, not just answers to prayers. According to 1 Samuel 1:18, as she left the temple that day, her face was no longer downcast. She felt peace and comfort that only God can provide. She didn’t know if God would answer her prayer with a child but she felt at peace that God had heard her. Psalm 23:4 says, “You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.” Second, our children are gifts from God. In 1 Samuel 1:27, Hannah says “I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him.” She acknowledges that Samuel is the answer to her prayer. But these gifts aren’t ours to keep forever. God asks us to return them to Him as children grow up. They leave home as they pursue the purpose God has called them to do. As Hannah continues in 1 Samuel 1:28, “So now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord.” Lastly, God is concerned for the oppressed and the afflicted. Derived from Isaiah 61:3, the song Beauty for Ashes by Crystal Lewis portrays God’s caring beautifully. The chorus states, “He gives beauty for ashes/Strength for fear/Gladness for mourning/Peace for despair.” God cares for each one of us. 

In conclusion, Hannah represents the character of an earnest petitioner and grateful recipient of divine intervention. She was bullied by another woman. Her husband tried, and failed, to comfort her. She turned to the one she knew who could help. Her prayer has been an inspiration for many women who have suffered infertility and child loss. Hannah was also a woman who kept her vow. She vowed that she would give her child to God, if she were to have a child. She could have easily said, “No. I’m not doing that.” But she didn’t. She knew that Samuel was given to her by God and to God he would be given back. Her story is also another example of God’s caring and concern to those who suffer. All we need to do is to come to him, pour out our hearts just as Hannah did. He listens and he answers. 

If you or a woman you know is suffering from infertility, I highly recommend Jennifer Saake’s book Hannah’s Hope: Seeking God’s Heart in the Midst of Infertility, Miscarriage, and Adoption Loss. It is available in paperback, eBook, and audiobook. 

Sea of Memories: life, love and the memories we carry with us

Sea of Memories by Fiona Valpy is the story about the power of memories, love and second chances. Kendra visits Ella, her ailing grandmother, who has only one request: that Kendra write down her story, before she forgets. Kendra is then taken on a spellbinding journey through her grandmother’s past. In 1937, seventeen-year-old, Ella, is sent to spend the summer on the beautiful Île de Ré. It proves to be the summer that changes her life forever. There she meets the charismatic and creative Christophe. Together with his twin sister, Caroline, they spend the summer exploring the island’s sandy beaches and crystal-clear waters. For the first time in her life, Ella feels truly free. But soon the idyllic summer is overshadowed as war breaks out. Ella is forced to return to Scotland where she volunteers for the war effort alongside the dashing Angus. Will she ever feel the carefreeness of that summer? Or has the horrors of war changed her forever? 

Sea of Memories is a great story of life, love, and the memories we carry with us. Kendra has her own struggles as her son has been diagnosed with autism and the adjustment has put a strain on her marriage. She takes on the task of writing down her grandmother’s story reluctantly as she battles with the decision if her marriage is truly over or was it worth saving? She soon finds herself swept along the waves of her grandmother’s memories. Kendra soon realizes that her grandmother faced a similar life changing decision. Ella was a great character with a lot of pearls of wisdom. The theme of her life, as she tells Kendra, was to keep hope alive because, “life without home is a living death.” It is a sweet story with heartache, tears and falling in love again. It starts off a bit slow but once Ella’s story really gets going, it was hard to put down. I highly recommend Sea of Memories. 

Sea of Memories is available in paperback, eBook, and audiobook. 

The House: one family estate and the secret it keeps

The House by A O’Connor is a story about one house in the Irish countryside and the secrets it keeps within its walls. Originally built in the 1840s by Lord Edward Armstrong for his bride, Anna, the house is a testament to the power and prestige of the Armstrong family. But their legacy is threatened when no heir is born and the Great Famine grips the country. Fast forwards to the 1910s and finds Clara lady of the manor as she married Pierce Armstrong. But life on the manor is not what she expected. When the War of Independence erupts in 1919, Clara is caught between two men, between duty and happiness. In 2007, Kate Fallon fell in love with the house. She and her tycoon husband, Tony, buy it and hire architect and last Armstrong owner Nico Collins to restore it to its former beauty. As her fascination with the house and its history grows, she begins to uncover an unknown history and the fates of its occupants from centuries past. 

When I first opened The House, the sheer amount of chapters, 108 with prologue and epilogue, was intimidating! I put off reading this book until I had time to accommodate such a long book. But I didn’t need to do that because once the story starts, the drama and the intrigue flowed from the page that you don’t really notice the number of chapters. I loved the stories as the author weaves in the historical events with the manor. I enjoyed parts of the book which feature the historical events. I recognized the hints to the major historical event before the characters knew what was going on. The schemes, the plots against the occupants of the house was suspenseful. The present day part of the book was more irritating and fell flat compared to the drama of the other parts. The drama here seemed a little far-fetched with an odd ending. Overall, I enjoyed The House and I look forward to reading the other two books in the series. I recommend The House. 

The House is available in paperback and eBook. 

The Beach Bar: too much exposition and not enough action

The Beach Bar by Kate McCabe is the story for new beginnings as the lives of four people converge on Fuengirola on the Costa de Sol is a Spanish hotspot on the Mediterranean coast. Vacationers come to enjoy the sun, sea, and sand. Pedro’s Bar has been managed by Maria, a local woman, who rarely sees the Irish owner, but things are about to change. Kevin Joyce from Galway is sent to become Maria’s assistant. He comes to Fuengirola to escape the trap he calls the family business. Emma Dunne, a successful businesswoman from Dublin, has spent her twenties running her family’s printing company. All hard work and no fun for Emma. Until she has been given the chance to take over ownership of Pedro’s Bar. Mark Chambers comes to overcome a personal tragedy and joy in his life. Claire Greene has unfinished business to deal with. Will the bar be all fun in the sun? Or will it be just another “all work and no play” situation? 

The premise of The Beach Bar intrigued me, unfortunately it fell flat from the opening chapter. I was bored from the get go with so much exposition and very little action. The author spends chapters telling us the backstory of each character before having them met at Pedro’s Bar. Why give all that information up front? Why not gradually reveal the motivations of each character as the story progresses? By the time the characters get to the bar, I was so overwhelmed with their individual stories that I was exhausted and had no energy to see how their stories would intertwine, if they did at all. While the descriptions of the locations were beautiful, but the story didn’t have any kind of flow and the ending was so abrupt, I expected this book to be a part of a series, which it is not. I do not recommend The Beach Bar. 

The Beach Bar is available in paperback and eBook. 

The One for You: a great ending for a fantastic series

The One for You by Roni Loren is the fourth and final book in The Ones Who Got Away series. Kincaid Breslin was on the hit list that night at prom. She wasn’t supposed to survive but she did. She doesn’t know why she got a second chance at life when so many others died, including her boyfriend, Graham, the one she feels was her soulmate. She has been determined to live life to the fullest and let no one get in her way. Ashton Isaacs was her best friend since childhood but when she needed him the most, he ran as far away as he could. Now, he’s back in town and Ash doesn’t know how to cope with his feelings for Kincaid and his grief over their lost friendship. He has a secret he knows would tear them apart for good. Does he keep his share for a chance with Kincaid? If the secret comes out, would she see Ash for what he really is: her soulmate? 

The One for You was an awesome book to end this series. It was sad to end the journey with these ladies but all good things must come to an end. Kincaid was always the fun-loving one of the group, so to get her story and see her vulnerabilities. The relationship dynamic between Kincaid, Graham, and Ash had a Cyrano de Bergerac feel. I laughed. I cried. I smiled as the stories of the Ones Who Got Away have a happily ever after. I highly recommend The One for You as well as the rest of the books in this amazing series. 

The One for You is available in paperback, eBook and audiobook. 

The Ones Who Got Away series

Book 1 The Ones Who Got Away

Book 2 The One You Can’t Forget

Book 3 The One You Fight For

Book 4 The One for You

The Importance of Fathers

As today is Father’s Day, I want to talk about the importance of fathers. The image of a father is the superhero. The man who provides both physical and emotional security. The man who fixes things and scares the monsters away. There are many instances when men don’t think their presence is needed. And there are women who think they don’t need a man to raise a child. When it comes to a child’s physical and emotional well-being, a mom and a dad are needed. Anyone can be a father but a real father takes effort and commitment. Fathers are just as important as mothers for a child’s emotional well-being and will impact their future selves. Most parenting studies have focused on mothers, but slowly, studies have looked at the role a father plays in the lives of their children. It is not just a fatherly presence. Studies have shown that it is the father’s engagement that plays a greater role. Because a physically present father is not enough. He must be engaged and active in his children’s lives. 

Researchers have studied The Father Effect, the benefits of a paternal presence. A consistent correlation has been seen between a father's engaged presence and a lack of aggression in kids across socioeconomic status (Krisch, 2021). With an engaged father, kids are less likely to drop out of school, less likely to engage in criminal behavior, less likely to have sex at a young age, and tend to avoid high risk behaviors with fewer psychological problems throughout their lives (Krisch, 2021). Studies have shown when a father is affectionate and supportive, a child grows up with a greater cognitive and social development. Their overall sense of well-being and self-confidence is greatly affected by their father’s engagement in their lives. The importance of a father’s presence is quality over quantity. It is not the amount of time spent but how the time is spent. An hour a day playing a child’s favorite video games is better than hours mindlessly watching tv together. Father involvement even during pregnancy has shown to have an effect on the father and child relationship for a lifetime. When a father is engaged in preparation, labor coaching, etc that engagement will remain going forward (Krisch, 2021). A father who commits to a care of a baby will often further that commitment as the child grows. 

Fathers are different parents than mothers in many ways. First, fathers parent and discipline differently (Stanton, 2004). The style from each parent helps create a healthy and proper balance between rules and relationships. Fathers usually stress justice, fairness and duty in the form of rules while mothers tend to stress sympathy, care and help in the form of relationship. By enforcing the rules, fathers prepare their children for the reality and harshness of the world. Children learn consequences for their actions. Second, fathers play differently. Most fathers will engage in more exciting styles of play like roughhousing with their kids while mothers will engage in more gentle styles like peek-a-boo or hide and seek. By rough housing, children learn what behaviors are unacceptable such as biting and kicking, as well as self-control when they are told “enough is enough” and to settle down (Stanton, 2004). Third, fathers build confidence to try new things. Fathers are usually ones to encourage kids to push the limits while mothers are usually the ones to urge caution. Fathers are usually the ones who teach children how to ride bikes and mothers are the ones who fix the boo-boos when they fall down.  

Another important aspect that fathers teach their children is the relational patterns. Fathers help set the bar for relationships with others. The relational patterns a father sets with his children will influence how they will relate to others whether it is friends, co-workers, and romantic partners. When children see their father engage in a strong and loving relationship with their mother, they will search for those qualities and treatment in their own relationships. A famous quote says “A father is a daughter’s first love. A man who will set the standard by which she will judge all men.” This statement has been proven true time and time again. If a father forges a good, strong relationship with his daughter, she will in turn look for those qualities in her future romantic relationships. He will teach her how to love and be loved. All positive and negative attributes will influence a daughter. She will look for the positive attributes and avoid the negatives ones in relationships. In contrast, a son will learn what it is to be a man. He will learn how to be a provider, a leader and a father. He will learn how to function in the workplace and the world in general through the example of his father. 

In conclusion, fathers are more than just sperm donors. They are very important to their children’s physical and emotional well-being. The Father Effect demonstrates the importance of a father’s engaged presence in their children’s lives. From enforcing rules and teaching consequences to teaching positive relational patterns, a father is an important figure. A father’s absence is a wound that very few can fill. A mother cannot replace a father, no matter how much she wants to or how hard she tries. In her book, Dear fathers of the fatherless children (2019), Charlena E. Jackson writes “Fathers of the fatherless children, open your eyes and know your presence is very critical. Be your son’s hero and let him know he can conquer the world. Be your daughter's first knight in shining armor. Be a part of your son’s and daughter’s success instead of their pain.” To those who are the positive, engaged father in their children’s lives, Happy Father’s Day. Thank you for taking your role as a father seriously. You are your children’s hero in more ways than you can possibly know. 

 

References

Jackson, Charlena E. (November 27, 2019). Dear fathers of the fatherless children. Divergent S.P.E.E.D. ISBN-13: 978-1734070415. 

Kirsch, Joshua A (May 11, 2021). The Science of Dad and the ‘Father Effect.’ Fatherly. https://www.fatherly.com/health-science/science-benefits-of-fatherhood-dads-father-effect/. Retrieved June 18, 2021. 

Stanton, Glenn T. (January 1, 2004). The Involved Father. Focus on the Family. https://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/the-involved-father/. Retrieved June 18, 2021. 

Half a Heart: an emotional journey

Half a Heart by Karen McQuestion is a story of a little boy who has lived in a very rough situation and when the chance to run came, he took it. At 9 years old, Logan Weber knows the routine: keep quiet, make the food last and don’t cause trouble. He does whatever it takes to avoid the rages of his violent father. One day, he runs away and ends up in another state. Alone in an unfamiliar place and relying on his instincts and the kindness of strangers, Logan manages to find a safe place to hide. Hoping for one more day, Logan manages to catch the attention of Joanne Dembiec and Paul and Laura Sutton, neighbors who, in their own way, help him. Will Logan finally find a safe and loving home? Or will he be taken back to face the anger of his father?

Karen McQuestion can always be counted on to provide an emotional journey with a heart wrenching story filled with suspenseful moments. Half a Heart is an emotional journey of a little boy who has been abused and neglected. He finally sees a way out and he takes it, with not much thought of where to go or what to do next. A child who has learned to fend for himself, Logan is quite resourceful when he needs food, shelter and other necessities. It is heartbreaking that a child learns to be so independent through such horrific circumstances. I enjoyed Half a Heart as a story of one child’s resilience and his ability to affect the lives of the adults around him, especially the older Joanne Dembiec, who seems to be on her way to being a cranky and unpleasant neighbor. I recommend Half a Heart. 

Half a Heart is available in paperback, eBook, and audiobook.