Friendships: true, fake and Biblical examples

Friendship is defined as a relationship of mutual affection between two people. It is a stronger form of interpersonal connection than an association. Our friends can have a profound influence on us often in subtle ways and more than our family of origin. However, we need to be careful about the companions we keep as Proverbs 13:20 says “He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.” As Walter Winchell, an American newspaper and radio gossip commentator, once said “A real friends is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.” How do you know a true friend from a fake friend? What is a model of a true friendship?

True friends are more than just companions who enjoy each other’s company. They encourage each other’s faith in God and trust each other with deepest thoughts and oldest confidences. True friends also should help, not hinder us, as we draw closer to God. As Psalm 1:1 says “Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or set in the seat of mockers.” We must ask ourselves: do our friends build up our faith or do they tear it down? Proverbs 17:17 says “A friend loves at all times and a brother is born for adversity.” The greatest evidence of a genuine friendship is loyalty. Being able to help in times of distress or personal struggles. Too many friendships are fair-weather friends. They stick around when things are good and leave at any signs of conflict or bad times. True friends practice sacrificial love: listening, helping, encouraging and giving. John 15:13 says “Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.” It is putting our needs and wants aside for a friend. Jesus is a great example of a true friend as he is more than Lord and Master but a friend (John 15:15).

Fake friends are often hard to spot because we don’t want to believe that a person that we care about is not a true friend. If we look closely, to spot a fake friend. Here are a few signs to look out for. First, fake friends are selfish. They only want contact when they want or need something. Sledge calls this friend a “Kanye,” the relationship revolves their needs, wants and even opinions. Second, fake friends thrive on gossip and drama. These friends also known as “emotional vampires” as they leave you feeling drain and empty. Mary DeMuth calls these friends “Dramatic Drakes”, as these individuals have a need for drama and even thrive on it. Third, fake friends lie, and they can lie about everything. They lie about their accomplishments in school, at work, in their other relationships. It doesn’t matter what it is, they will lie to make themselves look better than you. Lastly, they are not trustworthy. They will not hold confidences and will gossip about you to others. This friend is known as a “Brutus” the friend who stabs you in the back. Oscar Wilde said, “True friends stab you in the front.” Proverbs 27:6 even says “Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.” A true friend’s advice, confrontation, whatever it is and no matter how painful, is better than an fake friend’s betrayal.

A great model of a true friendship is found in the relationship between David and Jonathan. It is one of the deepest and closest relationship recorded in the Bible. 1 Samuel 18:1-2 says that Jonathan was “one in spirit with David” and “loved him as himself.” David and Jonathan became close friends as soon as they meet. Their relationship was based on their commitment to God, not just each other. They let nothing come between them, not career or family issues, his father, King Saul would attempt to kill David multiple times. As the son of King Saul, Jonathan was the rightful heir for the throne of Israel, but he recognized David was called by God to be the next king (1 Samuel 23:17) and he did not allow this to come between them because he rather lose the throne than lose his friend (1 Samuel 20:4). David and Jonathan relied on each other when their friendship was tested especially when Saul was determined to kill David (1 Samuel 19). They remained friends until the end when Jonathan was killed in battle (1 Samuel 31:2). When David heard of his friend’s death, he mourned, wept and fasted (2 Samuel 1:12).

In conclusion, friends are hard to find. True friends are even harder. While we go through life and multiple true and fake friends, we need to remember to find a true friend, we need to be a true friend. We need to look closely at ourselves and make sure we aren’t behaving in ways which keeps us from true friends. We need to be supportive and encouraging. We need to listen and communicate honestly and openly. A true friend is there when it seems that everyone else has left. They are there through thick and thin, in good times and in conflict. Friendships are also a two-way street, what you get from it is what you put into it. Sometimes friendships need to end especially when it is bad for us. It’s okay to grieve the ending of a friendship. It is okay to miss a friend but sometimes that friend is not good for us and we need to say goodbye.

References

DeMuth, Mary. The Seven Deadly Friendships

Sledge, Benjamin. The 5 Types of Fake Friends to Avoid. www.blog.heartsupport.com/the-5-types-of-fake-friends-to-avoid-175375e10d52. Retrieved January 24, 2019

Proverbs: the book of wisdom

Proverbs. The book of wisdom. There are so many wise sayings in this book which cover every aspect of life. From moral behavior to life values to correct conduct. The proverbs are instructions to live a godly and wisdom filled life. Many of them we are very familiar with like “spare the rod, spoil the child” (Proverbs 13:24) and “pride goes before the destruction” (Proverbs 16:18). The Hebrew word for proverbs is mashal which translates as a parable with a moral lesson. The proverbs are often written in couplets and constructed in three ways: contrasting, comparison, and complementary.

First, contrasting proverbs use the keyword “but,” to give meaning and an application between the different statements. For examples, Proverbs 12:4 says “A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.” The word “but” gives distinction to a wife of noble character versus a disgraceful wife. To be noble is to have or show fine personal qualities or high moral principles and ideals. To be virtuous, strong, and diligent is bring honor to her husband. Thus, to be a crown is to be an honor and beautify her husband. The contrast or opposite of a noble wife is a disgraceful wife who essentially poisons his life. She deprives him of his strength, honor and by not being a helpmate, his life. Another example of a contrasting proverb is Proverb 15:28 “The heart of the righteous man weighs its answers, but the mouth of the wicked gushes evil.” This proverb speaks of the important of thinking about what you want to say before actually saying it. A righteous man will think about the impact of his words while a wicked man would just say them without regard to the damage it may cause.

Second, comparison proverbs express the meaning and application of two similar statements. The keywords to look for here is “as/so” and “better/than.” For example, Proverbs 15:17 states “Better a meal of vegetables where there is love than a fattened calf with hatred.” Having a meal with meat was a symbol of your wealth and social standing. Here God is saying it is better to eat a simple meal and be surrounded by love than eating a complex meal and be surrounded by not so loving feelings. A meal surrounded by love also sits better in the stomach and digests well. Imagine eating a complex meal surrounded by negative feelings, the body will react and the food doesn’t sit well in the body as it digests. Another example, Proverbs 27:19, “As water reflects a face, so a man’s heart reflects the man.” When I read this proverb, I see it as just like water, a nature’s mirror, reflects, a man’s heart is reflected in his face. So if the heart is loving and caring, you will be able to see it in the face. If the heart is cold and cruel, the face will reflect such a heart.

Third, complementing proverbs is when the meaning and application comes from the way the second statement complements the first. The keyword to look for is “and.” For example, Proverbs 19:20 “Listen to advice and accept instructions, and in the end you will be wise.” This proverb tells us to be willing and open to advice and instruction and the lessons learned will be wisdom for later in life. Even if you don’t follow the advice, being open to listening to advice allows you to hear different aspects and avenues you can take. Of course, when you trust the person giving the advice helps with being open to the advice. Another example, Proverbs 17:27, “A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered.” This proverb highlights benefits of keeping quiet. Sometimes it is the best policy to keep quiet when you really don’t have anything to say. Keeping silent allows you to listen and learn. Pausing to listen and learn, before speaking, can lead to something important to say. Pausing before speaking can also help saying words you may regret in the future.

In conclusion, the book of Proverbs is a book filled with wisdom for life. Quick lessons to heed and follow. Once you understand the structure of a particular proverb, you can understand the advice it offers. Remember that contrasting proverbs use the word “but” and contrasts two opposing behaviors. Comparison proverbs use the word combinations of “as/so” and “better/than” and compare two opposing behaviors or situations. And Complementary proverbs use the word “and” and applies two behaviors or situations which are compatible.