The different types of love in our lives

If I were to ask you what love is, what kind of answer would you give me? Most of you would probably give me a definition which would feature a romantic sense of love. Even when someone says “I love you,” many will think of romantic love. Did you know there are different types of love? Love is defined as a strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties. The Ancient Greeks had four words for love. Each type of love focuses on a different part of the part and focuses on different aspects of our life.

First, Eros is erotic love, named for the Greek god of love and fertility, Eros. The Modern Greek word is erotas which is intimate love. It represents sexual passion and desire which focuses on the physical body. The Ancient Greeks considered eros to be dangerous and frightening because it meant a loss of control through the need to procreate. It is the primal and powerful fire that burns quickly. It needs to be fanned by one of the deeper forms of love in order to continue. Eros is not wrong, in fact, it’s an important part of life and a marriage. Eros was designed by God for marriage. The Bible is filled with examples. Genesis 2:24 states that a husband and wife shall “become one flesh,” that the intimacy of sex unites or bonds a man and a woman together. Eros or sexual desire should not be taken lightly. Even though it is the most basic idea of love, it is a vital aspect of a long lasting marriage.

Second, Philia is affectionate love or friendship. The Ancient Greeks valued philia far above eros because it was considered a love between friends, between equals. Being free from the intensity of sexual attraction, philia is about feelings of loyalty, camaraderie and a sense of sacrifice. It is also a general type of love for family, friends, a desire or enjoyment of an activity or even between lovers. The focus here is on the mind. Philia is one of the four types of love to be specifically mentioned in the Bible. Romans 12:10 says “be devoted to one another in brotherly love.” Brotherly love is philadelphia (philia meaning love and adelphos meaning brother). This is why Philadelphia, Pennsylvania is known as the City of Brotherly Love. First Peter 3:8 says “Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble.” God calls us to love each other as brothers with affection and friendship.

Third, Storge is kinship or family love. It is a common or natural empathy. It is almost exclusively used as a descriptor for relationships within the family. It is known for the expression of mere acceptance or putting up with situation because it is family. It can also refer to the love or affection for childhood friendships which have lasted into adulthood. It can refer to the love of one’s country. The focus here is on memories or a common thread. Family is a vital part of our lives. It is the first place we learn how to love and be loved. Or it may be the place we learn what love is not. There are many examples in the Bible of the love of family. Family was an important part of worship in the Hebrew communities. Deuteronomy 12:12, 18 tells everyone in the household to worship or rejoice before God. God commanded everyone in the household down the servants to worship.

Lastly, Agape, selfless love, is the highest, purest and most radical love. It is a selfless unconditional love with boundless compassion and infinite empathy. It is a deeper love that some ancient writers used to indicate the love of a spouse to separate from the other types of love. It is a love that accepts, forgives and behaviors for our greater good. The focus here is on the soul. It has been described as love of God for man and of man for God. The best verse to describe agape is John 3:16, “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” Christian writer, C.S. Lewis in his book The Four Loves, writes that agape is the highest level of love known. It is a selfless love, a love that is passionately committed to the well-being of the other.

In conclusion, we are called to love. However, when most people like of love, they think of romantic love. There is so much more to love than just romance. Love based on friendship and affection. Love based on memories and connections. Love based on the desire to sacrifice yourself for the needs of anyone. To sacrifice yourself isn’t always to die for someone, it can be to simply put aside your wants and desires because someone needs something more. The image of a mother eating very little so her family can have a feast. Or the husband who sells his prized pocket watch so his wife can pretty combs for her hair. Can you recognize the various types of love in your life? I bet they’re there.

Since my husband and I are attending the U2 concert tonight

I will leave you with one of their popular songs

Love Rescue Me

Everyone have a beautiful day!!!

A little history and why I don't want gifts on Valentine's Day

Today is St Valentine’s Day. A day for lovers. A day of roses and chocolates. The advertisements are over the place. Its big business for florists, chocolate companies and more many more retailers who are urging men, in particular, to go out and find the perfect gift. But who is St. Valentine. The story of the patron saint is shrouded in mystery. The Catholic Church actually recognizes three saints called Valentine although only one is honored on February 14th. Even the origins of our Valentine’s Day traditions are mysterious. And why I don’t want any gifts on Valentine’s Day.  

Valentine is emphasized as a sympathetic, heroic and romantic figure. There are two legends that I could find which tell the story of St. Valentine. One legend says that Valentine was a priest in 3^rd century Rome when Emperor Claudius II (268-270) decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families. It is said that he outlawed marriage for young men. Valentine defied the emperor and continued to perform marriages in secret. When Claudius discovered this, he had Valentine put to death. However, there is no evidence that Claudius ever made such a decree and it is unlikely that he would. First, marriage was seen as beneficial to society. Second, military service was voluntary and the poor often joined the army for the steady income Lastly, Claudius was also known as Claudius Gothicus spent his very short reign fighting the Goths. He would have been far too busy with war to pursue the alleged policy. Another legend states that Valentine was imprisoned and executed for attempting to free Christians from torture in Roman prisons. He sent the “first valentine” after he fell in love with the jailer’s daughter. Before his death, he signed his letter, “From your Valentine.”

There have been claims that the observance of St. Valentine’s Day has its origin in a Roman pagan festival. Lupercalia was celebrated on February 13-15^th. It is a fertility festival decided to Faunus, the god of agriculture and Rome’s founders, Romulus and Remus. According to legend, all the women in a village would place their name in an urn and the city’s bachelors would chose a name and the two would be paired together for one year. The matches often ended in marriage. The festival would be outlawed with the rise of Christianity by Pope Gelasius who declared February 14^th St. Valentine’s Day. This date is said to be the date which Valentine was buried. There are also claims that the link to romantic love and St Valentine’s Day was made by Geoffrey Chaucer (c. 1343-1400) in his poem, Parlement of Foules (1382). He wrote this poem in celebration of the anniversary of the engagement of King Richard II of England to Anne of Bohemia. He wrote, “For this was on St. Valentine’s Day when every bird cometh there to choose his mate.” There have been much debate about the truth of this. Regardless of the origins of Valentine’s Day traditions, it translates to big business. Valentine’s Day generates approximately $ 13 billion profits.

Now comes the not for fun part of my blog. I can almost hear retailers scream and other women call me crazy. I don’t ask or expect gifts on Valentine’s Day and here’s why. First, to relieve my husband of the obligation. I don’t like my husband to give me fancy and expensive gifts just because a calendar says so. I know my husband loves me. I don’t need a card to tell me so. Plus, I enjoy the bouquet of roses better when they are given “just because” rather than as an expectation. Second, the pressure! I googled “why I don’t want gifts for Valentine’s Day” and I got results which didn’t match my search at all. I got what women really want on Valentine’s Day and what not to give for Valentine’s Day. One site suggested that household appliances is a horrible gift. Now, my husband knows me. He know that I love to cook and bake, so why would buying me a something that I could use in that capacity a horrible gift?.Also, I don’t want jewelry. I wear very little jewelry. My wedding ring is my only constant piece which I wear on a daily basis. I have plenty of other rings, bracelets, necklaces, and earrings. I don’t need more. Third, why the focus and the pressure on men? Why aren’t women advertised to about gifts? Men enjoy romance too.

Day of love and romance has become another reason for a sale. Another reason to pressure men to buy expensive flowers, jewelry and chocolates. Our love for our partners should be celebrated and honored every day. Husbands, wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, give gifts from your heart. Don’t break the bank to get the expensive gift because you think you have to. Think about the person who you are buying the gift for and think what he/she would like and/or want. I may be unconventional when I say I don’t want anything for Valentine’s Day. I truly don’t. I’m a simple women with simple wishes. I may be in the minority on this but I feel that gifts given in obligation spoils the gift. However, you celebrate today, do so with love and affection.