The symbolism of dragonflies

Recently, my husband and I suffered another miscarriage. We hadn’t made the announcement public yet so many of you didn’t know we were pregnant. I feel the need to share my loss with everyone so others know that they do not need to go through a loss alone. This loss was similar to our past losses as well as new. My pregnancy had warning signs that something was wrong and I couldn’t get anyone from my doctor’s office or the clinic to pay attention until it was too late. The strange thing is during the last month, my apartment complex has a swarm of dragonflies. I wasn’t sure where they were coming from and I’ve never seen them around our area in a very long time. Then suddenly they were gone!

Then one August night, I had a dream where I held a baby named Angel and I was in a place that I didn’t recognize. I woke up with a sense of foreboding that renewed my resolve to find out what was going on. When I finally was able to get someone to listen and set a doctor’s appointment for me, the doctor confirmed my worst fear, my baby was gone. He or she died at 8 weeks gestation (three weeks prior!). As my practice with my babies, I chose a name and an animal which I pick to associate with them. For this baby, I chose Angel as it was in my dream and the dragonfly because it was so prevalent in recent weeks. Then a good friend of mine informed me that she had a dream that included me being surrounded by dragonflies! I was curious about the symbolism of the dragonfly and what I found astonished me.

The myth surrounding dragonflies is that dragons of ancient days transformed themselves into today’s dragonflies. To the Japanese Samurai, the dragonfly symbolizes power, agility and victory. In Ancient China, they symbolize harmony, prosperity and a good luck charm. To the Native Americans of the Plains, the dragonflies symbolizes happiness, speed and purity. In some Native American cultures, the dragonfly symbolizes the flight of departed souls. To the Ancient Mayans, the dragonfly symbolizes creativity. Only the Europeans and Australians (via British colonization) have negative images of the dragonfly. They are called the witch’s tool and that Satan sent it to earth to cause chaos, confusion and punishment. I also looked into what others view the dragonfly as a spirit or totem animal. It helped me see more of the beautiful of this wonderful creature. There are three main themes of symbolism of the dragonfly as a totem animal: change and transformation, power and adaptability, and lightness and emotional flexibility.

First, dragonflies symbolize change and transformation. They symbolize the wisdom of when it’s time to change, to transform. Their transformations through their life cycles has come to symbolize the change in perspective. To symbolize a change in mental and emotional maturity and an understanding of a deeper meaning in life. I see the dragonflies as a reminder to appreciate every moment of the miracles in what we call life. I’ve learned not to take anything for granted. Life isn’t about the stuff you buy, the stuff you accumulate. It is about the people you surround yourself with. The husband who works hard for the home you build together. The daughter who loves to hug you and tell you she loves you. The mom who would give her last dollar if you truly needed it. The brother and sister who would drop everything to come to your aid at your most desperate times. And the friend who lends an ear when you need to vent, offers a new perspective when you can’t see the forest for the trees, and simply loves you for you. These are the true treasures of life.

Second, dragonflies symbolize power and adaptability. Since dragonflies can fly in any direction, they have come to symbolize the ability to adapt and tackle life situations from difference angles. The dragonfly has adapted to have amazing eyesight. Its eyes can see in 360 degrees and 80 percent of its brain power is devoted to its eyes. The power and adaptability of the dragonfly’s eyes have come to symbolize the opening of one’s eyes and to see beyond the mundane. I see myself in the symbolism of adaptability. I have gone through most of my life with plans not quite working out. I think of myself to be great when it comes to adapting when situations change quickly. Although, I will admit that I will resist at first and try to bring it back to the plan I had in place. However, I will quickly realize that it isn’t always possible. I see dragonflies as the symbol of the ability to stop on a dime and assess the situation, adjust if needed and continue on.

Third, dragonflies symbolize lightness and emotional flexibility. With the iridescence of their wings, dragonflies symbolize being a light in even the darkest moments. This lightness can be in the form of one’s thoughts and feelings. To keep a light and positive outlook no matter what. Even in my darkest moments, I find myself finding the silver lining so to speak. None of the doctors I saw during my miscarriage said my husband and I couldn’t try again. It gives me hope that I may still be able to bring another baby into the world. The only few negative comments about trying again were from people who never suffered a miscarriage and the emptiness that you feel. The desire for a child only grows more intense after pregnancy losses. I also learned that I am not one to easily give up. When my confidence has been low, I would quit and be filled with regret later that I didn’t keep trying. So I’m not going to quit until God or my body tells me enough’s enough.

As I researched dragonflies and saw myself in these symbols, I was curious about the other symbols I had chosen for my babies. For AJ, I chose a bumblebee simply because a playful bee is depicted on the last ultrasound I have of him/her. I was shocked and pleased to discover the symbolism of the bumblebee. Bumblebees are a symbol or reminder to trust in miracles! And I do, I believe in miracles. Even when logic and the world around you says “no way,” God will say yes. For Abby, my miracle and only surviving child (so far), I chose a butterfly. Butterflies symbolize playfulness, renewal and joy. She is certainly the joy in our lives. Although she has hit a resistance stage where she fights almost at every turn, she is still very sweet and gentle. I love her independence spirit. For Ziva, I chose a hummingbird simply because I’ve always loved hummingbirds. Hummingbirds symbolize resiliency, lightness of being and swiftness. Ziva was so tiny when she was born, I can see her as a hummingbird.

I realize now that the symbols I chose to represent my children are a reflection of me. The trust in miracles, the joy, resiliency, and ability to change are representative of me and my outlook on life. Despite the darkness in my life, I look to change and grow. I look to joy and renewal. I look to God as the source of all life. I believe these messages from my dreams, my friend’s dream and the presence of the dragonflies were God answering my prayers about Angel. Even though it wasn’t the answer I was hoping for, I feel at peace that God was talking to me in different ways. You may read this and think it’s crazy. A dragonfly is a dragonfly and that I’m searching for meaning in nothing. But there are many examples in the Bible in which animals have been messengers and helpers of God, so why couldn’t He do so today? And how is it wrong that I am filled with comfort and joy when I see a bumblebee or a butterfly or a hummingbird or a dragonfly? Do I believe it’s the spirit of my heavenly babies? No, I don’t; however, I can see these creatures, think of my babies and smile. And I see nothing wrong with that. 

Faithful: one woman's journey through infant loss and grief

Faithful even after losing a child is the personal story of author Christine Weisman and her husband Mac as the suffer the most devastating loss any parent must suffer. From being ignored by medical professionals to being rushed through emergency procedures and the aftermath of death and the questions that remain. Her own questions as well as the questions from family, friends and unaware strangers. 

Happily married couple, Christine and Mac are anticipating the arrival of their second child when tragedy strikes. She is rushed into an emergency C-section when it is discovered that their baby has a tumor growing in its head. Their son, Luke, was born on March 29, 2009 and passed away two days later. It would be later discovered the he developed a very rare cancer. Readers follow Christine and Mac as they fight for Luke’s life, make the heartbreaking decision to turn off life support, to planning his funeral and learning to live again.

As a parent who has lost two babies, I cried with Christine. I understand her devastation and her questions. At one point she writes, “Kids don’t come with an instruction manual. Well, I’m sad to say that there is nothing given to you for hen your child passes away, either.” This statement is very true. Many parents are simply sent home with condolences but no resources to deal with these losses. I’m proud to say that is changing now as many parents refused to be silenced any longer by a taboo and are working to bring resources and help to other parents who need help through these losses. Many organizations are available to parents for support and information. I recommend Faithful even after losing a child as one woman’s story of heartache and faithfulness.

Faithful even after losing a child

is available on Amazon

hardcover for $25.99,

paperback for $9.73

and on the Kindle for $7.99

Happy Mother's Day to ALL mothers

On this day, we acknowledge the importance of our moms. Mom is very meaningful to us. Mom is our first protector. She is our caregiver and boo-boo fixer. She is our confidante and well of advice. She's the one we ran to when nightmares disturbed our sleep. Most women, like me, have dreamed their entire lives about becoming mothers. We have names picked out before we even have a wedding dress picked out. I realize now that for many women, this dream doesn't come true as planned. 

I am the mother of 3 children. My first child was died in utero in December 2010 when I was 8 weeks pregnant but didn't discover his/her loss until January. I named the baby Aurora Jacob because both names were top on our list and since we didn't know the gender, I normally call him/her “AJ.” This ultrasound picture is the only picture I have of AJ. 

Then one year later, my beautiful daughter, Abigail Hope, was born. She is my rainbow, a child born after a loss, and she has been a great joy in my life. Watching her grow has opened my eyes to a whole new world and I enjoy seeing her try new things and accomplish new goals. I love being her mama.  

A surprise pregnancy last year ended with the saddest ending.Throughout my pregnancy, everything was progressing normally. Until one day, when I went in for an anatomy scan and before I knew it I was being admitted into the hospital and being told that my cervix was opening. Despite the doctors' best efforts, we lost our daughter, Ziva Rae. She was born on October 30, 2013 at 1:10 am and died at 1:44 am.

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of my angels. I often find myself wondering about what might have been. If AJ was born as planned, he/she would be almost 4. If Ziva had lived, she would be 6 months or had been born full term, she would be 3 months. I know and trust that God has a plan and I know that they are in a better place. I know that statement may hurt some people and other don't like hearing it. But in my heart, I know He does and He will not bring me to a situation and not have a solution for me. I don't know what He knows. I believe He saw something in my angels that made Him call them home. My human heart still wishes they were here and that’s okay. 

This Mother’s Day has a very different meaning for me. Due to my loss of Ziva, I have joined a group of unique and caring women on an online support groups. This women helped me realize that just because you don’t see a child in a woman’s arms doesn't mean she isn't a mother. She could be the mother of an angel. 

                                        

I've been very active in these support groups. They are a great place to vent, voice worries and concerns without judgment or criticisms. It is a place to receive encouragement and share in sorrows and in great joys. These women are from all walks of life from all over the world. These women have experienced my pain. They have given me hope and encouragement that has helped that past 6 months or by with hope for the future and future for another rainbow. I wish I could name them all and thank them for the words so precious. The words that calm my fears. I can only hope that I’ve given them the same encouragement and that my words have help calm their fears. 

On this Mother's Day, don’t forget the angel mothers in your life. They could be you daughters, sisters, cousins, friends, neighbors, and co-workers. Know that this day is difficult for them and help them feel loved. There's so much more I want to say but I can't seem to find the right words. Happy Mother's to all mothers. You are loved and remembered for the great women that you are! 

“A mother’s love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, it dates all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path” –Agatha Christie