The Importance of Fathers

As today is Father’s Day, I want to talk about the importance of fathers. The image of a father is the superhero. The man who provides both physical and emotional security. The man who fixes things and scares the monsters away. There are many instances when men don’t think their presence is needed. And there are women who think they don’t need a man to raise a child. When it comes to a child’s physical and emotional well-being, a mom and a dad are needed. Anyone can be a father but a real father takes effort and commitment. Fathers are just as important as mothers for a child’s emotional well-being and will impact their future selves. Most parenting studies have focused on mothers, but slowly, studies have looked at the role a father plays in the lives of their children. It is not just a fatherly presence. Studies have shown that it is the father’s engagement that plays a greater role. Because a physically present father is not enough. He must be engaged and active in his children’s lives. 

Researchers have studied The Father Effect, the benefits of a paternal presence. A consistent correlation has been seen between a father's engaged presence and a lack of aggression in kids across socioeconomic status (Krisch, 2021). With an engaged father, kids are less likely to drop out of school, less likely to engage in criminal behavior, less likely to have sex at a young age, and tend to avoid high risk behaviors with fewer psychological problems throughout their lives (Krisch, 2021). Studies have shown when a father is affectionate and supportive, a child grows up with a greater cognitive and social development. Their overall sense of well-being and self-confidence is greatly affected by their father’s engagement in their lives. The importance of a father’s presence is quality over quantity. It is not the amount of time spent but how the time is spent. An hour a day playing a child’s favorite video games is better than hours mindlessly watching tv together. Father involvement even during pregnancy has shown to have an effect on the father and child relationship for a lifetime. When a father is engaged in preparation, labor coaching, etc that engagement will remain going forward (Krisch, 2021). A father who commits to a care of a baby will often further that commitment as the child grows. 

Fathers are different parents than mothers in many ways. First, fathers parent and discipline differently (Stanton, 2004). The style from each parent helps create a healthy and proper balance between rules and relationships. Fathers usually stress justice, fairness and duty in the form of rules while mothers tend to stress sympathy, care and help in the form of relationship. By enforcing the rules, fathers prepare their children for the reality and harshness of the world. Children learn consequences for their actions. Second, fathers play differently. Most fathers will engage in more exciting styles of play like roughhousing with their kids while mothers will engage in more gentle styles like peek-a-boo or hide and seek. By rough housing, children learn what behaviors are unacceptable such as biting and kicking, as well as self-control when they are told “enough is enough” and to settle down (Stanton, 2004). Third, fathers build confidence to try new things. Fathers are usually ones to encourage kids to push the limits while mothers are usually the ones to urge caution. Fathers are usually the ones who teach children how to ride bikes and mothers are the ones who fix the boo-boos when they fall down.  

Another important aspect that fathers teach their children is the relational patterns. Fathers help set the bar for relationships with others. The relational patterns a father sets with his children will influence how they will relate to others whether it is friends, co-workers, and romantic partners. When children see their father engage in a strong and loving relationship with their mother, they will search for those qualities and treatment in their own relationships. A famous quote says “A father is a daughter’s first love. A man who will set the standard by which she will judge all men.” This statement has been proven true time and time again. If a father forges a good, strong relationship with his daughter, she will in turn look for those qualities in her future romantic relationships. He will teach her how to love and be loved. All positive and negative attributes will influence a daughter. She will look for the positive attributes and avoid the negatives ones in relationships. In contrast, a son will learn what it is to be a man. He will learn how to be a provider, a leader and a father. He will learn how to function in the workplace and the world in general through the example of his father. 

In conclusion, fathers are more than just sperm donors. They are very important to their children’s physical and emotional well-being. The Father Effect demonstrates the importance of a father’s engaged presence in their children’s lives. From enforcing rules and teaching consequences to teaching positive relational patterns, a father is an important figure. A father’s absence is a wound that very few can fill. A mother cannot replace a father, no matter how much she wants to or how hard she tries. In her book, Dear fathers of the fatherless children (2019), Charlena E. Jackson writes “Fathers of the fatherless children, open your eyes and know your presence is very critical. Be your son’s hero and let him know he can conquer the world. Be your daughter's first knight in shining armor. Be a part of your son’s and daughter’s success instead of their pain.” To those who are the positive, engaged father in their children’s lives, Happy Father’s Day. Thank you for taking your role as a father seriously. You are your children’s hero in more ways than you can possibly know. 

 

References

Jackson, Charlena E. (November 27, 2019). Dear fathers of the fatherless children. Divergent S.P.E.E.D. ISBN-13: 978-1734070415. 

Kirsch, Joshua A (May 11, 2021). The Science of Dad and the ‘Father Effect.’ Fatherly. https://www.fatherly.com/health-science/science-benefits-of-fatherhood-dads-father-effect/. Retrieved June 18, 2021. 

Stanton, Glenn T. (January 1, 2004). The Involved Father. Focus on the Family. https://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/the-involved-father/. Retrieved June 18, 2021.