Emotional Intelligence: what is it and how it is important

Emotional Intelligence has been in my news feed a lot lately. Enough that it piqued my interest. What is emotional intelligence? Simply defined, emotional intelligence is the ability to understand, use, and manage one’s own emotions in positive ways in order to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathize with others, to overcome challenges and defuse conflict. In essence, emotional intelligence is finding an emotional balance with better control of one’s self and better relationships with others. As I researched emotional intelligence, I looked at what it is, how one engages in emotional intelligence and what are the criticisms of emotional intelligence. 

According to Justin Bariso of Inc magazine, there are 10 simple rules that emotionally intelligent people follow (2022). I will highlight a few of these rules. First, the do-over rule. The do over rule is in which an emotionally intelligent person will look at his or her mistakes and figure out what failed and how to change it in order to have a second chance or “do over.” Second, the rule of resilience. This rule is about learning to deal with emotions that rise when one has failed repeatedly or faced with pressure or challenges. Emotionally intelligent people will deal with failure or pressure by taking breaks, acknowledging their feelings and focusing on what they can control. Lastly, the rule of decision making. Usually emotionally intelligent people will never make a major decision based on a temporary emotion. This is one I feel is what emotional intelligence truly is. Essentially, never make a decision at night, after a bad day or when tired or hungry and especially without time to think it over. Others have described emotional intelligence as when success is more about thinking through problems and challenges and less about routine and skills (Haden, 2022). 

The concept of emotional intelligence has been around since the 1950s as Abraham Maslow used the term emotional strength. The term itself was first used in 1964. However, it did not gain popularity until the 1990s when science journalist Daniel Goleman wrote about five key elements of self-awareness, self regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills. The main criticism of emotional intelligence is that it is hard to measure and it has become a pop psychology term without scientific evidence behind it. Many critics have claimed that studies of emotional intelligence have failed scientifically because the developed tests for emotional intelligence rely on self-reporting rather than hard evidence. That is true of most psychological tests. It is not like a blood test when numbers are indicative of a disease or disorder. As a review of the studies on emotional intelligence, researchers Mayer, Roberts, and Barsade found that higher emotions intelligence scores seems to positively correlate with better social relations for children and adults as well as better academic achievement; however, they have stated that it is a relatively new field and more research is needed (2008). As with most psychological fields, more study is needed to better understand and develop better tools to test for and measure emotional intelligence. 

As people recognize and acknowledge their emotions and the why behind their emotions is key to emotional intelligence. In many different articles I have read in my research, it is thought that people with high emotional intelligence have greater mental health. Many of Goleman’s five key elements make sense: self-awareness, self-regulation and motivations seem self-explanatory. However, I was surprised that empathy was included. Empathy is the ability to see the world through another man’s eyes, to walk in his shoes and to feel his pain. Emotionally intelligent people have an easier time with empathy because they have been there. Essentially “empathy begets empathy” (Bariso, 2022). Many people have a hard time with empathy, not just feeling empathy but showing empathy. There are three types of empathy. First, cognitive empathy is when someone has the ability to understand how another person thinks and feels. Cognitive empathy is the simplest form of empathy. Second, emotional empathy is the ability to share the feelings of another person. Third, compassionate empathy is taking action to help in any way one can. This is the only empathy that is action based. It is the most challenging but the most rewarding (Bariso, 2022). 

In conclusion, researching emotional intelligence has been eye opening. I have seen my own growth as I have learned to acknowledge my emotions, not make major decisions or discuss deeper topics when overly emotional and remain fairly calm in times of crisis or stress. The concept of emotional intelligence makes sense as many successful people are successful in part because of their talents and skills but their ability to work through challenges and develop deeper relationships with people around them. Emotional intelligence shows us that we can feel our emotions and use them for deeper understanding of ourselves and those around us. 

References

Bariso, Justin (January 19, 2022). Emotionally Intelligent People Follow These 10 Simple Rules. Inc.https://www.inc.com/justin-bariso/emotional-intelligence-rules-boundaries-resilience-mental-health.html. Retrieved January 19, 2022. 

Bariso, Justin (January 25, 2022). After a Historic Game, Patrick Mahomes Desperately Wanted to Speak With One Person. It's a Lesson in Emotional Intelligence. Inc. https://www.inc.com/justin-bariso/patrick-mahomes-josh-allen-emotional-intelligence-how-to-show-empathy.html. Retrieved January 25, 2022. 

Haden, Jess (January 26, 2022). Emotionally Intelligent People Ask Themselves 6 Questions to Increase Their Odds of Success. Inc. https://www.inc.com/jeff-haden/emotionally-intelligence-success-achievement-life-goals-how-to-accomplish-goals-research.html. Retrieved January 26, 2022. 

Mayer, John & Roberts, Richard & Barsade, Sigal. (2008). Human Abilities: Emotional Intelligence. Annual review of psychology. 59. 507-36.