The Shulammite Woman: a love worth waiting for

The Shulammite Woman is an unnamed woman featured in Song of Songs (or Song of Solomon in some translations). She is the only female voice which speaks directly to us. Ruth and Esther’s voices are mediated by narrators. The Shulammite Woman boldly declares her longing and desires to be united to her lover in marriage. While her joy is to be so passionately in love, she knows sorrow as they have been separated at times. What is her story and why would it be included in the Bible? What does the Song of Songs inform us about romantic love? What does it tell us about love and God’s timing? 

She is young, beautiful, and desirable. He is handsome, strong and agile. He is either a shepherd or a king (legend says he is King Solomon). Song of Songs is a love poem with erotic imagery. The Shulammite Woman is as passionate as her lover. As she initiates contact with him and openly declares her feelings. She yearns for his kisses. So in love she is that even his name sounds sweet. The song captures the desires, the anguish, the tension, the longing and the ecstasy of love. While God is not mentioned and seems not to have a role, either active or inactive in the story, there are a few theories why it would be included in the Scriptures. First, it is believed it is an allegory for God’s love for Israel and ultimately, Christ’s love for the Church. Second, it is thought to be an expression of the sacredness of marriage. It is the fullest expression of love between a man and a woman. Anyone who believes that the Bible teaches negative views on sex has not read Song of Songs. 

The story of the Shulammite Woman is simply to love and be loved. It is everyone’s ultimate goal in life, isn’t it? Song of Songs expresses both romantic love and sexual desire. While expressions for physical intimacy and pleasure are detailed but even the deepness of their feelings beyond just the physical. Romantic love. True love. Whatever you want to call it is a special aspect of life. It is a love that does not fade with time and only grows deeper and stronger. Time, disappointments or even tragedies can not wash it away. Someone is probably saying, what a minute! In the ancient world, marriages were often arranged. Yes, there were. Often for political or other beneficial circumstances. However, that does not mean that those marriages did not grow into loving commitments. A few Biblical examples are Isaac and Rachel (Genesis 24:67) and Elkanah and Hannah (1 Samuel 1:8). In marriage, the security of true love gives both men and women the freedom to initiate acts of love and expressions of their true feelings. 

There is one phrase that repeats throughout the Song of Songs that is the important lesson “Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires” is stated by the Shulammite Woman. She implores the women of Jerusalem (and us) three times (2:7, 3:5, and 8:4). Feelings of attraction can often overshadow one’s voice of reason. Too many times an inimtiate relationship is rushed based on the power of those first feelings. The Shulammite Woman repeats this phrase as a reminder to not force romantic love to grow faster than is needed to become a lasting and fulfilling commitment. As a young single woman who wanted nothing more than to love and be loved, I looked for love in all the wrong faces. Until one day I had enough. I prayed and told God that I gave up. I would stop looking and allow him to bring the man He wanted as my husband. Timing is everything. A few short months after I prayed that prayer, God opened that door and allowed a man to come into my life. We’ve been happily married for thirteen years and while we have had our struggles, we are stronger now than when we first fell in love. 

In conclusion, the Shulammite Woman is a woman fiercely in love with her husband and is not afraid to express those feelings. The expressions of the Shulammite Woman and her husband is a great example of a passionate, committed marriage. She is an example that women can and should have an active role in the expression of love. Unfortunately, centuries of being told otherwise still influences thoughts on love and sex. Romantic love is an important part of a commitment relationship. However, it cannot and should not be rushed. It is in God’s timing as His wisdom is far better than ours. 

Sex and the Bible: not just for procreation

I read online recently that someone made the claim that sex is bad, evil and dirty to Christians. I serious dislike the generalization because while there are churches which teach people to feel dirty about enjoying sex but there are many churches which see sex as it was intended to be. Sex was designed by God to be a gift to a husband and wife. What is the purpose of sex? The Bible gives us a very romantic and intimate story in the Song of Songs. If sex is a gift from God, how did it become bad, evil and dirty?

When asked what the purpose of sex is, many people will immediately say “procreation.” Yes, sex is how humans procreate but there’s more to sex than just the production of children. Another purpose of sex is for intimacy and enjoyment in marriage. Yes, sex was designed for marriage. Sex within marriage can be a relationship builder. Outside of marriage, it can destroy relationships and people. Proverbs 5:18-20 says “A loving doe, a graceful deer; may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love. Why be captivated, my son by an adulteress? Why embrace the bosom of another man’s wife?” God does not intend faithfulness in marriage to be boring, pleasureless and dull. This is certainly the world’s image of marriage aka “the old ball and chain.” Sex is a gift God gives to married couples for their mutual enjoyment. Real happiness comes when we decide to find pleasure in the relationship God has given us and commit ourselves to making it pleasurable.

Song of Songs, or in some translations Song of Solomon, is an intimate story of a man and woman, their love, courtship and marriage. The most explicit statements on sex in the Bible are in this book. For example, chapter 7:7-8, “Your stature is like that of a palm, and your breasts like clusters of fruit. I said, “I will climb the palm tree; I will take hold of its fruit.’” It is a wedding song honoring marriage with three speakers. First, Lover, which tradition holds is a young King Solomon before he was obsessed with women, sex and pleasure and represents the husband in a marriage. Second, Beloved is a Jewish maiden he falls in love with and becomes his wife. Third, friends who encourage the couple as they fall in love. The purity and sacredness of love is represented in this book. One of my favorite verses is “Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.” It is a phase that is repeated three times in chapter 2 verse 7, chapter 3 verse 5, and chapter 8 verse 4. It is repeated because it is important to know that true love isn’t rushed. It blooms when the time is right. Another favorite verse is “My lover is mine and I am his (2:15 and 6:3), some translations use the word beloved. In a marriage, a husband and wife belong to each other. They are one body united by God and by love.

If God had created sex and intimacy for marriage, how sex became bad, evil and dirty? Easy, man did. Even within the Christian church, man took a beautiful expression of love, a gift from God and made it a thing to be tolerated. The idea that women shouldn’t enjoy sex was dictated by man.  It is hard to say in Judaism or Christianity, the thoughts on sex are simple because it ignores the different sects or denominations of each faith. However, in my research, I found that in Judaism, “a man may do with his wife as he wishes provided, he has her consent” (Judaism and Sex), which means any sexual acts between consenting spouses is not forbidden. In Christianity and especially in the history, things get murkier. “Christianity remains among the most “sex-positive” religions, even if segments of the church have on one hand, cloaked it in shame or, on the other, given it a mystical power bordering on idolatry” (Sex and Sexuality). St Augustine (354-430) and other theologians promoted the idea that sexual desire was a sin (Kuruvilla). Other church leaders would go further and state that being too passionately in love or having sex for pleasure was a sin (Kuruvilla). These ideas are far from what the Bible teaches as I have statement on above. Lust and desire for your spouse is an expression of love; however, it needs to be only for your spouse.

In conclusion, sex is a beautiful expression of love between a husband and a wife. A beautiful thing that has been twisted and distorted through the ages by men in power. Unfortunately, the effects are those policies and ideas are still seen today in many churches and many who resist God because of what they think they know. Our society has such a distorted attitude about love and marriage that for many people love equals sex and getting married is just to have a party. Sex is only one expression of love. It is important in a marriage, but it is not the only thing. Sex is a gift from God. It is to be an expression of love between a husband and a wife. It is to be motivated by love and commitment.

References

Judaism and Sex www.myjewishlearning.com/article/judaism-and-sex-questions-and-answers/

Retrieved February 9, 2019

Kuruvilla, Carol. 6 Things you probably didn’t know about Christianity and Sex (February 26, 2016) www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/christianity-and-sex_us_56cb6dc1e4b0ec6725e371d5 Retrieved February 9, 2019

Sex and Sexuality www.christianitytoday.com/ct/topics/s/sex-and-sexuality/ Retrieved February 9, 2019

Ecclesiastes and Song of Songs: life and relationships

This month I studied Ecclesiastes and Song of Songs (sometimes Song of Solomon depending on your Bible translation). Both books are reportedly written by King Solomon and both have very different themes and tones. The main theme of Ecclesiastes is life is meaningless without God. The main theme of Song of Songs is the courtship of a lover and his beloved. In Ecclesiastes, I would like to discuss two main verses which highlight the book’s theme. In Song of Songs, I want to discuss two verses which repeat throughout the book and are very important to any romantic relationship.

There are so many great verses in Ecclesiastes which support its theme. I would like to focus on a few. The first verse I would like to discuss is Ecclesiastes 1:9 “What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again, there is nothing new under the sun.” Humans are born, humans work and toil and humans die. It has been this way since the fall of man. Ecclesiastes 9:12 says that no man knows when his hour will come. We all share a common destiny: the good, the evil, the righteous, the wicked, we will all die and stand before God and be accountable for the things we have done in life. Everything in life comes from and comes to God. Happiness, pleasure, satisfaction, wisdom (Ecclesiastes 2:26) all come from God. Without God, your work, your search for happiness and wisdom is meaningless. It’s futile. Human wisdom doesn’t contain all the answers. True wisdom comes from God who sees past, present and future.

Second I would like to discuss the verses Ecclesiastes 4:9-12. Here we are shown that working as a partnership or team is better than working alone. Life is designed for companionship; not isolation. Genesis 2:18 states “The Lord God said ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’” By working together, we can bounce ideas of each other, solve problems together, to see in different perspectives to get the work done. My favorite part of these verse is verse 12, specifically “a cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” This verse is at the heart of mine and my husband’s unity ceremony during our wedding. Hanging on the wall of our love is a three strand rope with a white, gold and purple strand. The white strand represents me, the bride and wife. The purple strands represents my groom, my husband. The gold strand represents Jesus Christ as the center and authority in our marriage. The strands are tied together to represent the joining of two people by God in marriage. With Christ at the center of our marriage, the bond between my husband and I cannot be easily broken. 

The first verse I would like to discuss in Song of Songs is “Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.” This verse repeats three times: chapter 2 verse 7, chapter 3 verse 5, and chapter 8 verse 4. This verse is spoken by Beloved (the woman in the relationship). Although she speaks to other young girls, the verse does apply to men and women alike. This verse encourages us not to force romance or love. If we try to force love or even commitment, the relationship is doomed to fail and we end up deeply hurt. With the repeating of this verse throughout the book, we are reminded to allow love to blossom on its own and when it’s ready it will happen. When it happens, a lifelong commitment can occur. For those singles reading this, take the time to get to know each other. Allow love to develop naturally, if its mean for you two to be together, then it will happen.

The second verse I would like to discuss in Song of Songs is “I am my lover’s and he is mine.” This verse repeats twice: chapter 2 verse 16 and chapter 6 verse 3. This verse is, again, spoken by Beloved. Here she says that she and her lover belong to each other and only each other. In marriage, there must be a unity of mind, heart and body. This verse ties in with the verse above. When love is slowly awaken and a friendship develops first, the unity of mind, heart and body seems effortless. As time passes, a couple’s unity can only get stronger and deeper. For instance, my husband and I will celebrate eight years of marriage this year, ten years total of being together. We finish each other’s thoughts, sentences and even anticipate the other’s response will be. For example, my husband works very hard, when he comes home he wants to rest. He’ll say “I’m going to lay down” in such a way that it becomes a question. To which I reply with sarcasm, “No, you can’t.” So now when he realizes that he “asks” to lay down, he’ll answer his own question with my usual sarcastic response.

In conclusion, reading Ecclesiastes was, at times, very depressing. Everything is meaningless. Life is meaningless. The big picture of life, the meaning of life, so to speak, the ultimate purpose of life is to know God, to follow his commandments and to seek his will. Song of Songs is a beautiful story between a man and a woman. To see the whole story as they meet, fall in love and get married. It is an example of how a true love and commitment develops. You cannot rush, force or pressure love to develop. It blooms in its own time. Either it develops between two people or it doesn’t.