Nineteen Minutes: a lot can happen in nineteen minutes

Nineteen Minutes by Jodi Picoult is a grim and startling story about the devastating aftermath of a small-town tragedy. Think of what can happen in nineteen simple minutes. Could you mow the lawn? Bake cookies? Fold laundry? Maybe seek revenge? Sterling, New Hampshire is an ordinary town where nothing ever happens. In nineteen minutes, Peter Houghton will shatter the town’s quiet haven. As the residents seek the answers to their question, they must come to terms about their possible role in the tragedy and seek justice from those who would turn their world upside down. Jose Cormier is the daughter of a local judge and one of the students injured in the tragedy. She would be the best witness to figure out what exactly happened; unfortunately, she doesn’t remember any details...or does she? As the trial progresses, the bonds between friends and family begin to crack. Who is at fault? Will the town recover? 

Nineteen Minutes takes a hard look at bullying and how we, as a society, respond to it. Ms. Picoult is an amazing storyteller as she writes a raw and honest look at every parents’ and community’s nightmare. Told in the straightforward manner that I have some to expect from her, she asks the simplest questions with the most complex answers. How well do you truly know your children? What does it mean to be an outsider in the social world of high school and society at large? Is there anything that could have been done to prevent such tragedies?  Nineteen Minutes was a very difficult book to get through. Ms. Picoult does not shy away from the difficult subject and offers an in-depth look into the hows and whys that are often asked. Even though it was not an easy read, it is a topic that we need to think about and be prepared to respond.  I highly recommend Nineteen Minutes. 

Nineteen Minutes is available in paperback, eBook, and audiobook. 

The Selling Point: when even the best of intentions can have harmful results

The Selling Point by Marci Bolden is the second book in the Chammont Point series. In this story, we see the unique Darby Zamora take center stage. She has marched to a different drum. First as an outcast in high school to the brightly dressed free spirit adult, Darby has always worked jobs that suited her unique way of life. Success hasn’t been a sure thing. With many different failed ventures under her belt, she is always looking for and willing to do the next job to reinvent herself. A former bridal seamstress, Darby gave up making custom gowns as her heart was always too big for her pocketbook. Until she comes up with an idea that would make the old new again: The Un-Do Wedding Boutique with the tagline of Her bad luck is Your great deal. Selling dresses online in her bridal consignment shop has been a success. People are lining up to buy the dresses as well as desperate brides are trying to sell their unused wedding items. It is such a success that she is featured on a popular podcast. But Darby is about to pay a steep price as someone takes offense with Darby’s use of her story to sell dresses. She must face the harsh realities of life and business. With the help of her friends, Jade and Taylor, will Darby be able to reassess her business, herself, and find her selling point? 

I loved Darby with her willingness to be so vibrant in a subdued world. But that vibrantness covers a deeply hurt and wounded soul. I related to her story as she tries to justify her actions, insisting she never intended to hurt anyone before realizing that her intentions may have been good, the results still caused pain. Throughout the story, I wanted to reach through the pages and hug Darby and fight by her side as she tries to save her business and ultimately herself. We often think of bullying as a schoolyard problem but adults still suffer from bullying known today as cancel culture. I understood the outrage against her use of the brides’ embarrassing and heartbreaking stories, I didn’t understand the argument against Darby selling the dresses she made for these weddings. But when someone has been so deeply hurt, they will take their pain out on anyone, regardless if they deserve it or not. I also loved the friendship between the three unlikely friends: Jade, the straightlaced, motherly type who is still reeling from her own heartbreak (featured in book 1) and the gruff Taylor, who has had her own share of heartbreak and disappointment (her story will hopefully be featured in the upcoming book 3). Overall, I enjoyed the story of being true to yourself, friendship and finding your purpose. I highly recommend The Selling Point. 

The Selling Point is available in eBook

The Chammont Point series

The Restarting Point, book 1, is available in paperback, eBook and audiobook

The Breaking Point, book 3, coming soon

Shoes on the Stairs: a great idea but failed in its execution

Shoes on the Stairs by Jan Steele is described as inspiration from the many frustrations of parenthood and the ever-present fear of failure. Claire Blackwell was the mom who did it all. She sacrificed everything to make sure her husband and kids had all they needed or wanted. When she suddenly dies after a car accident, she is left with the feeling of unfinished business. She watches in horror as her husband and kids try to navigate a world without her. She expects a brilliant white light to take her to the afterlife but it never comes. As she struggles with her limbo state, her family begins to see and hear her. Starting with her youngest daughter, she works to help mend her broken family and discovers a situation which puts them in danger. Her son, Edward, had rising tensions with his long-time bully and as the situation escalates, Claire must find a way to help her family before it's too late. Can she help them? Will she ever see that bright, white light?

I chose Shoes on the Stairs as it “centers around a mother’s struggle to accept what she has left behind.” I expected a journey of “laughter and tears.” What I got was a cringey story of a woman who thought she could control everything, even after death. I supposed Claire was written to be the stereotypical housewife who took care of everything for her family that when she was gone, they were lost without her. And it was true, her husband and kids are unsure where things are and how to do even the basic tasks. But Claire was a hard character to care for. I couldn’t relate to her at all. The language she uses was eye rolling horrible and not funny at all. At one point, to describe her own parents, Claire tells readers that “They bicker more often than a vegetarian farts”?!?!?! Seriously!?!?!? Overall, the book was not enjoyable. I didn’t laugh once, no heartstrings tugged. I do not recommend Shoes on the Stairs. I expected so much more than what I got. 

Shoes on the Stairs is available in paperback, eBook and audiobook. 

Stand Beautiful: an inspirational story of self-acceptance and forgiveness

Stand Beautiful: A Story of Brokenness, Beauty and Embracing it All is the personal story of Chloe Howard, a young girl born with a physical deformity and endured many surgeries and physical therapies in order to be able to walk, skip and even stand. Just to be alive was a miracle, so her physical deformity was made her unique. Her parents told her that she was fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14) and she was beautiful. When she entered high school, she was physically attacked as students held her down, forcibly took off her shoe and sock and mocked her foot. She said that the 90 second attacked torn down 14 years of self-acceptance. It was a chance meeting with U2’s Bono that she was encouraged to find her voice and be the voice for the millions of students who are bullied every day. What does it mean to stand beautiful?

It took me a long time to be able to sit down and read this book but once I did, I was amazed at the wisdom and maturity in this 16-year-old. She has experienced so much in her young life that I applaud her courage and determination. After reading her book, I found her TED talk online and to listen to her story again, I was again astonished at the statistics she presents and heartbroken that so many kids and teenagers experience bullying at such rates. Even though, the book is marketed for youth readers, I highly recommend that adults read it too. It is a great tool to discuss bullying with our children.

Stand Beautiful: A Story of Brokenness, Beauty and Embracing it All

is available in paperback, eBook and Audiobook.

The season is more than just a phrase

The holiday season is in full swing. Christmas songs are playing on the radio. The stores and malls are decorated with garlands and trees. And the ads are begging you to buy the expensive gift for your special someone. I love this time of year especially now that my daughter is old enough to fully participate in decorating the tree and wrapping the presents. Even old enough to ask for specific gifts and talk about Santa (even though she really knows Santa is Daddy). This year I have been studying the Bible book by book and I’ve been thinking about many things that some Christians do that I think really shouldn’t be done.

First, harping over “Happy Holidays.” I’ve heard stories of people, very rudely, lecture “Merry Christmas” when a cashier has told them “Happy Holidays.” This attitude takes away from the meaning of the holiday. Yes, Christmas is Christ mass, a celebration of Jesus’ birth. However, it does not give Christians the right to bully others to say “Merry Christmas.” Yes, I said bully because that’s how I see it. Christmas isn’t the first holiday to be celebrated in the winter. The celebration of Christmas was moved to the winter solstice to encourage non-believers to convert to Christianity. Everything we love about Christmas has non-Christian origins. The Christmas tree was originally a Scandinavian tradition as it was thought to protect the home during the long dark winter. Even gift giving, originally a New Year’s Day tradition, was shifted to Christmas in the Victorian Age  when Queen Victoria gave her family gifts on Christmas Eve in 1850. So I’m not going to get snippy with a cashier for saying “Happy Holidays.” I’m going to reply “Thank you. You too.” Why? Because the cashier was pleasant enough to acknowledge the season and he or she doesn’t know if I’m Christian or Jewish, etc. I know why I celebrate Christmas and someone saying “Happy Holidays” to me doesn’t take away that reason.

Second, I think too many Christians are seasonal Christians at Christmas and Easter. As Christians, we should celebrate Jesus’ birth, as well as his death and resurrection, every day. To be thankful that I have Christ in my life every day. I wake up every morning knowing that Christ will be there to be my guide. And peace on earth and goodwill toward men should be practiced every day. While at Christmas time, I am more active to give to my fellow man in the form of physical gifts; however, every day I give the gift of my time. Every day when someone asks for my help, I will help. Even though I may grumble about the person needs my help again. I am reminded that Christ helps me when I absolutely don’t deserve it. I’m not saying that Christians should be a doormat and be taken advantage of. What I am saying is if someone truly needs your help, even time after time, reach out your hand and help. If it’s to help a tired new mom watch the baby as she takes a shower she desperately needs and wants, do so. If it’s to help the man with the car that constantly breaking down, do so. If it’s the friend who needs to talk at 1 am and you want to sleep, talk. We can show Christ’s love more in our actions than our words.

Lastly, many Christians forget that Christ told us that many will be invited but few will be chosen (Matthew 22:14). Don’t be surprised when your family and friends resist your message of salvation through Christ. Christ even warns us that His message will divide people (Luke 12:53). Jesus speaks of the four soils in Matthew 13:1-23 when the seed is thrown in different soils and not of all them take root. Just as His message will not take root in everyone’s hearts. We see the division that Jesus speaks about in the world today. Today Christianity is becoming the number one persecuted religion in the world. However, again do not be surprised at that. As Jesus warned about that. Matthew 5:11, Christ says “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me.” Also don’t forget that many evil things were done in the name of Christ either. Many people have read the message of Christ and perverted to their own means. Totally missed the message and used it to persecute others for their gain. Today’s true believers will have an uphill battle to show the world Christ’s love and message. Many non-believers will not let you forget about the atrocities done in Christ’s name. Keep in mind Matthew 5:11 when they spit back at you.

In conclusion, the holiday season is a time when we stop to reflect on the year past, to celebrate Christ’s birth and remember what’s more important. It’s not the gift but the person giving it. We need to stop nitpicking on the small details like Happy Holidays versus Merry Christmas and remember Christ’s message of salvation. Reach out with love as we spread Christ’s message. Be gentle but firm and remember that not all well receive His message. Remember the parable of the four soils and keep in mind that it may not be their time for the message to take hold if it does at all. So refrain from insults and name calling when someone rejects your message. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, may you and your family’s holiday season be filled with love, laughter and precious time together. 

Cool Kind Kid Challenge: a wonderful bullying prevention program

Bullying is a serious matter in our society today. I’ve written two blog posts about it and now I will review a new series of books which introduce how children can be kind to others and discourage bullying when they see it. Cool Kind Kid is a proactive educational curricula for schools, created by Barbara Gilmour, which includes music, characters and activities which engage the children in the lessons. I received three books with is part of the entire program. I will describe and review each book in turn.

First, Be a “Cool Kind Kid” is a handbook about the basics of the program. It is lesson plan of the social skills and social competence training. The missing link in the bullying crisis, according to the program creator. The materials are designed to be easy to follow, flexible to fit the children’s understand and require very little preparation. There are questions and interaction on the children’s part which they can engage and think of ways to solve the problem in the situation. Topics covered include the Golden Rule, patriotism, and the Magic Words.

Second, Bullying Prevention Tips is a handbook for parents to read and understand that a child’s education starts at home. The social skills a child will need in life are taught and enforce at home. The book is filled with tips on how to introduce and guide children to learn kindness, empathy, respect, tolerance and acceptance, helpfulness and many others. The book gives parents ideas about how to introduce and enforce the concepts at home and in their communities.

Third, Picture Book Series Book 1 is a book which introduces the topics of the program in pictures for children who are younger. All the topics, the Golden Rule, the Magic Words, are covered in a fun manner which will capture of the attention of the younger children.

Cool Kind Kids is a great method to introduce the concept of kindness to children in a fun and useful manner. According to the information which I received with the books, the vision of the program is to give the opportunity to every child to learn the necessary social skills needed to stop bullying either as a observer, a victim or the bully. The curriculum is available for Grades 2-4 and Camp Kits for ages 4-6 and 7-9, which are designed for camps, after school programs, community and recreation programs. I highly recommend Cool Kind Kid to all schools, day cares and families who want to introduce and encourage kindness and helpfulness in our children. If a child learns to be kind to others and stand up for himself and others, bullying can be a thing of the past.

For more information about this program,

Please visit

www.CoolKindKid.com

or on Facebook facebook.com/coolkindkid

Stop Bullying: parents need to start the lesson sooner

Bullying is a very important topic that many parents think they don’t have to deal with until their children enter school. I, unfortunately, thought this way until recently when my three-year-old daughter was confronted with bullying behavior from an older child. Over the last few months, my daughter has been given more independence to play outside with the neighborhood kids. And for the most part, she has hours of fun and plenty of exercise. Until one day, I noticed the language of intimidation and menace in one older girl’s voice. My little girl had a look on her face that she didn’t understand why this girl was treating her like she was. Then I realized that I had to tackle this problem a lot sooner than I thought.

Everyone knows what a bully is. We probably have all experience at least one person who terrorized us on purpose. When most people think of bullying, they think of the physical pushing, shoving and punching one can suffer. More and more, we now realize that bullying is psychological as well. Bullying is someone using power over another, gaining control through fear and usually occurs with an audience. Bullying will often occur over and over until the child and the witnesses are powerless to stand up and fight back. There is three types of bullying. The physical bullying that everyone is familiar with. The verbal bullying which includes threats, taunting, hurtful teasing and hate speech. And social bullying which includes the intentional excluding from a group and spreading rumors. Bullying has become a bigger problem online as people are using the anonymity of the internet to hurt and terrorize others. 

Bullying can begin as early as three years old and 1 in 5 students in the US classrooms will experience bullying. Children often bully because it solves their social problems. The proverbial “easy way out.” Bullying is often in place of social skills that a person fails to learn in their developmental stages. Individuals who do not learn how to work out their problems or get along with others. Bullying can be a natural response to situations in which an individual feels socially awkward, insecure, frightened, bored or embarrassed. Bullies often will target children who cry, get mad or give in easily. They will learn a child’s weakness and press that button until they get the reaction they want.

How can you know if your child is the victim of bullying? Children who are bullied will often:

• Have damage or loss of items that he or she cannot explain
• Have physical signs such as scratches or bruises
• Have a loss or change in friends
• Have a sudden loss of interest in activities
• May be unusually sad, moody, anxious, angry or depressed
• May have physical complaints such as headaches and stomachaches to avoid school or other activities
• May start doing poorly in school

What can parents do to teach their children about bullying? First, take it very seriously either your child is the bullied or the bully, something is wrong which needs to be addressed. If your child is the bully, there needs to be a set accountability for their actions, consequences will happen if they chose to engage in bullying. Second, parents need to communicate on their level. Look the child in eye, so they can understand that their actions and words can be hurtful. I find that my daughter and her friends will respond better to my warnings or instructions when I bring my eye level to theirs instead of them looking up to mine. Third, remove the child from the situation and find out the triggering incident. Help children understand that bullying is wrong wither its being the bullied, the bully or the witness. Lastly, be a role model for children. Children are great watchers and will respond to what they see rather than they are told. Show them how not to be bully, how to respond to bullies and how to help others who are being bullied and they will follow suit.

How to teach children to respond to bullies:

• Look bullies in the eye
• Stand calm and tall
• Walk away
• Speak in a firm and confident voice
• Teach a child when and how to ask for help and not to be afraid to seek the help of an adult
• Encourage cooperative play and friendships. Children who are loners are more likely to be bullied.

It is unfortunate that once a child learns to be a bully, they will most likely with always be a bully. They will grow up to a teenage bully and even an adult bully. And once a child is bullied, they will be bullied in some form for the rest of their life. Unless, we teach our children how to respond to bullies as well as teach that bullying behaviors are unacceptable. Parents need to help children learn the skills they will need to handle situations they will encounter in their lives. It may sound strange but I know that teaching my daughter how to deal with conflict in the proper manner will help her in school and her adult relationships wither it be her friendships, colleagues and in her marriage. I know bullying will be a lifelong lesson as she interacts with different people in her life. Parents, we are our children first and greatest teacher.

Resources:

American Academy of Pediatrics www.healthychildren.org

Children’s Safety Network: www.childrenssafetynetwork.org/guides/bullying-prevention

The Bully Project: www.thebullyproject.com

How to Stop Bullying Behavior in Preschool Kids: www.ourfamilyworld.com

Empowering Parents: www.empoweringparents.com

There are also a great numbers of books available for parents and children on bullying. Here are just a few:

Bullying Hurts: Teaching Kindness by Lester L. Laminack and Reba M. Wadsworth

Words Wound by Justin Patchin

The Berenstain Bears and the Bully by Stan and Jan Berenstain

The Juice Box Bully by Sornson and Dismandy

A great new children's book about love and acceptance

T-Bone’s Traveling Circus by Janice Virant is a story of overcoming bullying and celebrating our differences. Rita Bonita is a young horse who was very different from the other horse. She was teased and laughed at. One day she saw a covered wagon traveling very slow. Rita Bonita is invited by Tiny the Tortoise to join T-Bone’s traveling circus and stay for a while. She also meets Scorch the dragon, who explains that they are a band of misfits who are always the butt of jokes. Inside the wagon was different animals who were different than other animals in some way. Rita Bonita joins the group to learn to embrace her one-of-a-kind uniqueness.

T-Bone’s Traveling Circus is a great story that celebrates our differences and teaches to stand up to bullying. Through love and acceptance, bullying can end. The illustrations are brightly colored and beautiful. When the book arrived in the mail, my three old daughter immediately wanted me to read it to her and she enjoyed the story immensely. Young children will love the band of misfit characters with their differences. This story is a great way for parents to introduce treated everyone with love, kindness and acceptance. I highly recommend this book to families with young children.

T-Bone’s Traveling Circus is available on Amazon and Outskirts Press

www.outskirtspress.com/bookstore

in paperback for $11.95 and hardback $17.95

Captain No Beard The Crew Goes Coconuts: a great book about the importance of no bullying!

Another adventure in the Captain No Beard series. I haven’t read any other titles in this series but after reading the new book, The Crew Goes Coconut! I am eager to read the rest of the series.

The book opens with Captain No Beard and his crew as they are on an island with no more juice. Each member of the crew begins to blame the new member aboard the Flying Dragon. Matie, the goat, is the scapegoat and the crew begins to make fun of her. This upsets Matie and Captain No Beard must come in and teach the lesson that everyone is different and it is not right to make fun of others’ flaws.

This is a great book about bully, how it can start so simply and barrel out of control. It is a simple story to teach children that bullying is not just fun and teasing. It hurts the person being bullied and it doesn't make you cool or popular. With beautiful illustrations and a great story, children will learn an important lesson. I highly recommend this book!