House on the Harbor: four sisters and one family secret

House on the Harbor by Elizabeth Bromke is the first book in the Birch Harbor series. Four sisters, dealing with the death of their mother, discover a family secret that will shock them. Kate Hannigan is in charge of her late mother’s estate. She plans to divide everything equally with her sisters. However, she doesn’t realize that her mother changed her will just before her death. During the reading of the will, she discovers one sister has been left off the will. The reason why means a family secret is forced to be revealed. Meanwhile, her sisters are dealing with their issues. Amelia is a struggling off-Broadway actress who seems to go from man to man. Megan is dealing with her pending divorce and the possibility of dating again. And Clara, the baby of the family, is about to question everything she knows to be true. 

I was intrigued by the book synopsis and looked forward to reading a story about four sisters. The story was good. The will excludes one sister, why? But as the story progresses, the secret is about to be revealed and then something stops it. Time after time after time. The secret is…oh what there’s a knock on the door or the phone rings, you get the picture. Once the secret is finally revealed, it is a total let down. And why their mother left this one sister out of the will is absolutely ridiculous. Meant to be a story with lots of twists and turn, eventually I just said enough already! By the end, I didn’t care for the characters, their lives or their relationships. Overall, I do not recommend House on the Harbor and I will not be continuing the series.  

House on the Harbor is available in paperback, eBook and audiobook

Our Place on the Island: second chances, self-discovery and finding home again

Our Place on the Island by Erika Montgomery is a story of three women finding home and a new future on a familiar island. Many occasions have been celebrated at the Campbell family’s seaside cottage. The beloved matriarch, Cora, is getting remarried and the town gossip whispers that he was the one that got away. Her granddaughter, Michelle “Mickey,” is a renowned chef with a popular, successful restaurant with her boyfriend, Wes. However, she is hiding a secret. She has mismanaged the restaurant into the red. Cora’s wedding gives her an excuse to hide. She comes to the island to regroup and figure out a solution. Mickey’s mother, Hedy, is still mourning the passing of her beloved father and is having a hard time welcoming this new man in her mother’s life. Everyone knows a woman’s heart holds many secrets and Cora is about to reveal a story that will have the three women reevaluating their views on marriage, motherhood and the joys of following one’s heart. 

Two years ago, I read Ms. Montgomery’s debut novel A Summer to Remember and when I was offered a chance to read her newest novel, I took it! Our Place on the Island is a story of second chances, discovering your true passions and finding home again. It is a story that did not disappoint. I thought I had figured it out; however, as the story unfolded, it took a surprising, heartwarming turn. I enjoyed every character. However, my favorite character was Cora. Her words of wisdom and insights were spot on. Word of warning: DO NOT read this book on an empty stomach! Cooking and food is an important aspect as the women bond over food and you will be craving every delicious dish as you read! Even the descriptions of the ingredients made me wish I had them in front of me! Ms. Montgomery describes Cora’s garden so well, I swear I could smell the fresh herbs and produce. I highly recommend Our Place on the Island. 

Our Place on the Island is available in paperback, eBook, and audiobook

Life on Hold: a story on the power of friendship

Life On Hold by Karen McQuestion is a gripping novel about the power of friendship and following your heart. Rae Maddox’s life has been anything but normal. Her mom, Gina, thinks nothing of packing up and moving. New apartment, new town, new job, all of it a new adventure to Gina. But to Rae, each move was just one more friend lost, one more chance to be the outsider. When they arrive in Wisconsin, Gina promises to stay put until Rae graduates high school. Feeling cautiously optimistic, Rae begins to adjust to the social world at Whitman High School, making new friends and making plans for college. Everything is going smoothly until one day when the vice principal asks her to show a new student around school. Allison Daly has been bounced around between relatives since her parents died in a house fire. Things begin to go bad as Rae begins to learn more and more about Allison’s troubling past. Will Allison’s past continue to haunt her? Will Rae finally find the home she has always wanted? 

Life On Hold is a powerful story about regret, friendship and dealing with the past. While it is marketed as a Young Adult novel, it is a great read for all ages as it deals with suicide and the misunderstands that even adults run into. All the characters were relatable and believable. It had sweet moments between friends, dramatic moments and touching moments that serve as a reminder that we can make a difference in someone’s life by simply being a friend. One of my favorite quotes from the book is “You never really know what a difference you can make in someone’s life, if you’re to let them in.” Rae was usually on the outside looking in, not allowing herself to get too attached as Gina could decide to pack and leave at any moment. But there is something about Allison that is familiar and draws them together. While she doesn’t fully understand why but when Allison needs her the most, Rae must answer the call. I highly recommend Life On Hold for all ages.  

Life On Hold is available in paperback, eBook, and audiobook. 

Grown Ups: a millennial Bridget Jones's Diary

Grown Ups by Emma Jane Unsworth is the story of Jenny McLaine who is dealing with a break up and essentially having a breakdown. Jenny’s life is falling apart, her friendships are losing stream, and she lost her job as a columnist at a feminist online magazine. She is a woman obsessed with social media. She constantly checks the likes on her posts, during work meetings, during every possible moment even during sex. As she deals with her ex and his new girlfriend, she must deal with her mother is moving in. After leaving home at eighteen to be a self-sufficient millennial but now as a woman in her thirties, adulthood isn’t all what she thought it would be. The story is told in a series of texts, emails, and social media messages, Jenny must decide how she will pickup the pieces and learn how to grow up. Will she have the strength or willpower to take such a leap?

Grown Ups was described as Fleabag, a British comedy series which ran for two seasons, meets Conservations with Friends, a 2017 book by Sally Rooney about the relationship between four people. While I have not seen the show or read the book, I was intrigued because Fleabag has received high praise. Unfortunately, Grown Ups was not what I thought it would be. I expected a humorous, gritty story about a woman who must deal with the life she has instead of the one she thought would have. It was boring. It wasn’t humorous at all and I couldn’t connect with Jenny at all. She was completely unrelatable and by the end I felt she hadn’t changed very much, if at all. Even though social media is a large part of everyone’s life now, the social media angle in books how has been overdone, in my opinion. Grown Ups is the millennial version of Bridget Jones’s Diary (1996). While it is not something I enjoyed, audiences who enjoy Fleabag may enjoy Grown Ups.

Red Flags: what they are and why we shouldn't ignore them

Recently, I have been evaluating relationships and why they end the way the do. Sometimes it is because it has run its course and the individuals in the relationship no longer relate to each other and time begins to separate us. However, some relationships have red flags that something is wrong and we either ignore them or do something about them. Red flags are a signal for a problem that requires attention. It was first used in 1602 in the military as a signal to prepare for battle. It was also first used as a severe weather warning in 1777. Today, it is used in terms of relationships, usually romantic relationships but they can be signs in any relationship. What are the red flags? Why do we ignore them?

As I researched red flags, I found many articles which had long lists of red flags. I found that red flags fall into general categories. First, a lack of communication. The person gives you the silent treatment instead of discussing important issues. Second, he or she is irresponsible, immature and unpredictable. This person might be unable to master or maintain basic life skills. For example, they can’t take care of themselves or their personal space. They also may not be able to manage their finances and other responsibilities. They cannot hold down a job. They may also be unable to take responsibility for their own personal errors in past relationships. They blame others for their relationship failures. They are unable to evaluate why past relationships didn’t work out. Third, there is a lack of trust and they do not respect boundaries. In the terms of a romantic relationship, your significant other is weirdly possessive or secretive about their phone. Fourth, they refuse to spend time with your family or friends and may even try to drive a wedge between your and other significant people in your life. Also related to this red flag, is that your family and friends do not like this person and tell you that something is “off” about the person. Lastly, he or she may have trouble apologizing for even the smallest infractions.

We ignore red flags for many reasons. First, we are afraid that our intuition is wrong. Our gut tells us something is wrong; but we don’t want to admit we could be wrong about the relationships. Whether its pride or a fear of failure, we turn a blind eye to what is wrong. Second, we simply do not trust ourselves. When you sense that something is wrong; but you tell yourself that you’re overreacting and only focusing on the negatives. Third, the red flags seem minor. No one is perfect. No relationship is perfect. So, when we see something wrong, we tell ourselves it’s a minor flaw and ignore it or work around it. Fourth, we are so infatuated with the person that its hard to focus on anything else. Fifth, related with infatuation, we move too quickly into the relationship. The infatuation stage usually lasts between six and twelve months. When we intertwine your life with someone within this time period, it makes it harder to acknowledge red flags. Even when we see red flags, denial can be a powerful force when our infatuation overpowers our intuition. Lastly, we are stuck in wishful thinking. We want our relationships to work so bad that we chose to ignore the red flags. Our fantasies of what the relationship is or could be prevents us from seeing things as they really are.

When I decided to write about red flags and why we ignore them, I was thinking of someone close to me and a relationship that went wrong. While many of these red flags were present in that relationship. I realized that many of these red flags were present in a friendship of mine that recently ended. Looking back over the relationship, I realized that I ignored many of these red flags, either consciously or unconsciously, I chose to believe that my friend would never do anything to hurt me. I now realize that she did, not only did she, but she tried to place the blame on others in my life. She tried to drive a wedge between me and a family member. Why did I ignore these red flags? I think I saw the red flags as minor infractions. Until I realized that they weren’t minor. For example, I told her once that I do not disclose deep, personal information to just anyone and it takes a great deal of trust for me to talk about certain topics. I learned later that she was repeating some of these disclosures to others. People who had no business knowing these details. And when I finally had enough and established a boundary, she chose to shut me out and place the blame of our failed friendship on “my closed-mindedness and narcissism” instead of her own actions.

In conclusion, red flags are there to warn us and they should not be ignored. They signal a problem or issue that needs to be addressed. Their presence in our relationship doesn’t mean the relationship is bad, if we confront and deal with the issue, it could improve the relationship. And they can also signal that you need to end the relationship. In the case of my relationship, I admit my faults in the ending of the friendship and remind myself of what not to do in future friendships. We need to look at the red flags in our relationships, deal with them in the hopes to improve on the relationship and learn from them for future relationships.

First Comes Love: a story of life, love and sisters

First Comes Love by Emily Giffin is the story of two sisters who are trying to live their lives with the memory of the tragic death of their brother. As the anniversary of his death approaches, these women must confront their role in the accident and in the events which followed. The story is told alternating between the sister’s perspectives. Josie is a first grade teacher who is confronted with her life as the daughter of her ex-fiancé is in her new class. Meredith is married to Nolan for 7 years and mother of 4 year old, Harper. Josie feels something is missing from her life and she realizes that she desperately wants a child. She considers a sperm donor to the dismay of Meredith. Meredith comes to terms that her choices in her life, her marriage and where to go in the future. Will the sisters be able to come together and discuss the night their brother died? Will Josie and Meredith be able to find what is missing in their lives?

I have mixed feelings about First Comes Love. First, I enjoyed the dramatic story. How one tragic event shaped the lives of those left behind. However, I feel it’s a bit cliché that the family is torn about by the loss of a family member. When I’ve seen in my personal life, some families pulled tighter together after a tragedy. Second, there is a joke made by a character about gluten-free individuals. As an individual who is gluten free and struggles with the diet every day, I am sick and tired of the jokes. If you never have had to live with the diet, knowing that everything you eats needs to be checked and rechecked to make sure it’s safe, you can’t joke about it! You don’t see jokes about people with diabetes or lactose intolerance or any other food allergy! Why is gluten free individuals fair game? Third, there is a line in the book which I can relate to completely. Meredith sees a counselor, who tells her “Grief is a mystery to be lived through, not a problem to be solved.” I love this because grief becomes a part of life which has no solution, it has no end. You learn to live with it and move on but grief will always be there. Overall, if you are a fan of Emily Giffin, you will most likely enjoy First Comes Love. However, if you haven’t read Ms. Giffin’s books, I recommend you skip First Comes Love.

First Comes Love

will be available June 28, 2016

at major book retailers

hardcover $28

Nook/Kindle $13.99

audiobook $45

Meantime Girl: a woman's desire to be something more

Meantime Girl by Sindhu S is a story about a young woman who thought she had her relationship all figured out. Until she learned that the relationship was not what she wanted in life. Anjali is a writer in India who has a relationship with a married man, Siddharth “Sid.” Despite her friends’ objections, she carries on their hidden love affair. She has convinced herself that she didn’t want a commitment, she wanted to be as sexually free as men were. As Anjali travels through India, writing her book and visiting various temples, she begins to grow increasingly aware that something is just not right. Will she be able to end her relationship with Sid? Will she continue the relationship, knowing she will always be the meantime girl?

Meantime Girl is an interesting story. A story about love and modern relationships. A story about the confusion and turmoil over a relationship that should not be. A story of a man who seduces a woman into the thrill of a secret relationship. I loved Anjali as she is a strong, independent and modern woman who thought she wanted a no-strings attached relationship until she realizes that there is a pattern of behavior she wasn’t aware of. I recommend Meantime Girl as a modern love story with a twist.

Meantime Girl

Is available for free

with KindleUnlimited

Deuteronomy: a book of looking back and moving forward

Deuteronomy is Moses given the people of Israel his last instructions before they enter the Promised Land. He goes over the law that were put forth in Leviticus and Numbers. There are many people who don’t read Deuteronomy because it is a boring old book that reiterates the Laws of Moses. It is true that many of the verses in Deuteronomy are reflected elsewhere in the law. There are three verses which stood out to me as significant given our societal climate. Verses about devotion to God, our relationships with others, and our roles in our lives and in our society.

First, in Deuteronomy 6:5 “Love the Lord your God will all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.” This verse is the same one that Jesus told the Sadducees and the Pharisees when they tried to test him in the law. They had asked him what was the greatest commandment in the Law. (Matthew 22:36). In Matthew 22:37-38, Jesus replied, “’Love the Lord your God will all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment.” First, I noticed that in Deuteronomy, it is commanded to love God with all one’s heart, soul and strength and in Matthew, Jesus says with all one’s heart, soul and mind. The changing of the word could be a mistranslation but I feel the message is still there. We are to love God with everything we have. Every ounce of who we are should be used to love God. Many believers’ devotions are split between God, family, friends and their personal desires. It is hard to devote everything you are to God and it is a constant struggle for me. It is one of the main reasons I’m reading and blogging about the books of the Bible as I am. We live in a society in which we are being pulled in so many different directions that we often lose our way.

Second, Deuteronomy 13:6-8 caught my eye for a particular reason. Last month, Kirk Cameron came out and said that “Wives are to honor and respect and follow their husband's lead, not to tell their husband how he ought to be a better husband. When each person gets their part right, regardless of how their spouse is treating them, there is hope for real change in their marriage." Of course this statement caused an uproar. While I’m not going to argue his statement, Deuteronomy 13:6-8 stuck out as I read with Mr. Cameron’s statement in my mind. The verse says “If your very own brother, or your son or your daughter, or the wife [or husband] you love, or your closet friend secretly entices you, saying ‘Let us go and worship other gods,’ do not yield to him or listen to him. Show him no pity. Do not spare him or shield him.” Mr. Cameron’s statement makes it seems that wives are to follow their husbands blindly because “he said so” mentality. I don’t know if this statement as been taken out of context and I don’t agree with many of his statements. Deuteronomy 13:6-8 clearly states that anyone who tries to lure you away from your relationship with God, you are not to follow. Do not let the love of your family and friends tear you away from your devotion to God.

Third, Deuteronomy 22:5 stuck out at me during my reading as it reflects recent events in our society. The verse states “A woman must not wear men’s clothing, nor a man wear women’s clothing, for the Lord your God detests anyone who does this.” Does this mean that women can’t wear pants or men wear skirts? As some churches do interpret the verse this way, it may not be necessarily the case. It is not a statement on the actually clothing. It is a statement about women wanting to be men and vice versa. It has been interpreting as women should not be in battle or be in a position of authority which is ridiculous as anyone who has read Judges knows that Deborah, one of the greatest judges, lead the Israelites into battle. I will discuss Deborah at length later. I think this verse is more as a guide to make sure everyone has a role to fulfill or a job to do. I have seen this verse being used as a reason to hate transgender individuals. As I have my own opinions and thoughts about transgender individuals, I think using this verse as a reason to hate an individual is extremely wrong. I’m still reminding of Matthew 22:39 after Jesus has said what the greatest commandment was. He said the second greatest commandment is “love your neighbor as yourself.” I am commanded to love everyone as I love myself. I am not commended to hate or condemn. I am commanded to treat others as I want to be treated, everything else is between the individual and God.

In conclusion, Deuteronomy is a book of looking back while the Israelites were moving forward to the Promise Land. It is Moses’ last message to the people as he neared the end of his life and someone was ready to become their new leader. It is a book of remembrance and reminders of God’s law. The three verses I discussed stood out to me as devotion to God should always be a main priority for any believer. And beware if anyone, regardless of who they are, tries to stir you away from your devotion. Lastly, using a single verse as a reason to hate is wrong. We seem to forget that Christ came to fulfill the law and when he did so, these verses are more a lesson rather a rule. Whenever someone tries to apply a verse as a reason for anything, think long and hard about the verse and what it is trying to tell us. Take in the cultural significance of the time. Always ask God for guidance.

Soul mates: do they exist?

Soul mates. Everyone knows not everyone believes. Some search for their entire lives for “the One.” Others seem to find theirs and live happily ever after. By definition, a soul mate is a person who is ideally suited to another. This is usually through a deep or natural affinity. Naturally, people think of soul mates as romantic partners with the implication of an exclusive lifelong bond. The idea of soul mates has been around since the ancient world. What are the signs of a soul mate? Of course there are criticisms and active push to undo the belief in soul mates.

The idea of soul mates comes from Ancient Greece. In his dialogue The Symposium, Plato has Aristophanes present a story about soul mates. In the story, humans were originally had hour arms, four legs and a single head made of two faces. Humans had great strength and threatened to conquer the gods. Zeus decides to split the humans in half as punishment for humanity’s pride. The split leads to misery in humans and they long for the other half of their soul. According to this story, when the two find each other, there is an unspoken understanding of another, feeling, unity and no greater joy. Another story of soul mates comes from Theosophy, where God created androgynous souls (equally male and female). The souls were split into separate genders, having incurred karma. Over a number of reincarnations, each half seeks the other. When all the karmic debt is purged, the two will be fused back together.

Soul mates are often thought of as marriage partners. In the Jewish view called Bashert (Yiddish word for “destiny”). To be someone’s basherte (female) or basherter (male) is to be someone’s divinely preordained spouse or soul mate. When I met my husband, it was not love at first sight. We were co-workers until one day he decided to risk asking me out. After two years of dating, we were married. While researching this topic, I realize now that he is my soul mate for five reasons. First, I am comfortable with him. I am not or ever have been afraid of being vulnerable with him. I can easily share my fears, desires, fantasies or secrets without shame or fear of ridicule. Second, there is a strong attraction both physically as well as emotionally. Third, words are often not necessary between us. We have a very strong non-verbal communication. We can relay so many messages without very little effort. Fourth, we can laugh easily with each other. Lastly and most importantly, I can’t see myself without someone else. I try to imagine my life without him and I get very sad. He is my soul mate.

Of course, there is great criticisms for believing in soul mates. One main criticism is that a believing that a soul mate exists specially for a person is an unrealistic expectation. To the point, that many universities are now teaching classes on the subject. Some experts say that the concept of soul mates seems to lead to dissatisfaction with their relationships (The Case against Soul Mates July 30, 2014). This article included a test to show where someone stood on soul mates. I took the test and I scored high on both sets. I am a hopeless romantic as well as believe that relationships can work through just about anything. A contradiction! I believe in soul mates but I know that relationships can work through hard work. There is evidence that couples can become each other’s soul mates as a result of a deep and lasting relationship. According to psychologist Shauna Springer, “two individuals who have become perfect for and irreplaceable to each other have become soul mates” (Soulmates do Exist July 28, 2012).

I know I’ve written very simply about a topic which can be very complicated. Believe in soul mates or not, relationships are hard work. I believe that through hard work and dedication, couples can become soul mates. “Couples who, at their core, very good friends are also more likely to be more in love, be more committed to each other, and even have better sex than couples who values their friendship less” (Melissa Dahl July 30, 2014). My husband and I are very good friends as well as marriage partners. We enjoy each other’s company and enjoy doing things together. To me, my husband and I are soul mates.

Articles:

The Case against Soul Mates Melissa Dahl New York Magazine July 30, 2014 (http://nymag.com/scienceofus/2014/07/case-against-soul-mates.html#)

Soulmates do Exist-just not in the way we usually think Shauna Springer Psychology Today July 28, 2012  (www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-joint-adventures-well-educated-couples/201207/soul-mates-do-exist-just-not-in-the-way-we) 

A wonderful new book: "Shadow Heart"

“Shadow Heart” by Pamela Taeuffer is a story of a young girl who is trying to overcome her dysfunctional family by working hard and earning her place at Stanford University. Nicky Young is a high school senior on her way to her dream college when she meets professional baseball player, Ryan Tilton. Ryan turns her world around and helps her experience a part of life she avoided and fear she wouldn’t fit in. There is so much I could talk about in this book but I don’t want to give away too much that I will pick a few of my favorite points.

My top 3 reasons why I love this book. First, the brutal honesty and accurate depiction of an alcoholic family. As a child of an alcoholic parents, I understand and developed many of Nicky’s defense mechanisms. I buried myself into studying and reading. Books had been my escape just as Nicky’s determination to better herself was hers. The learning to do things on your own and getting certain “information” from someone other than your parent is accurate. I also see the fear and ultimate defiance of Nicky is very real.

Second, the courting, wooing and sexual tensions between Nicky and Ryan remind me of my favorite romance writers, Kathleen E. Woodiwiss and Julie Garwood. The melt your heart, burning sensation through your veins feelings is great and helped made the emerging relationship between Ryan and Nicky so real and hypnotic. I haven’t read scenes like this in a long time.

Third, the wonderful insights that the characters around Nicky give her as she enters into a world she avoided. There are several quotes that I wrote down as I read this book because I thought they were great thoughts to remember. One of my favorites is when Nicky tells Ryan: “I’m sick of being strong.” As I child of alcoholics, I understand the need and desire to show no weakness for fear of falling victim to the same vice. But being or acting strong can only go on for so long. I never learned to be weak until I met my husband and was able to completely rely on him just as Nicky is learning to do with Ryan.

My only criticisms are, first, the fact that Nicky decides to date her friend, Jerry, to play the “same game” as Ryan and with the ease she does so. And it is a game that she perceives is being played. Although I do like when Ryan confronts her about her manner of dress, he says, “Dressing like this isn’t how you make yourself an individual or become independent.” Someone who avoided boyfriends, she seemed to be comfortable with having two. Second, Ryan asks Nicky where she will live when she attends Stanford, she acts like she is leaving the state when Stanford is only about 45 minutes from San Francisco. She could commute or live on campus and Ryan could visit. I don’t understand her fear that when she starts Stanford, their relationship will be over. Unless it’s her defense mechanism again or her fear that the relationship will get in the way of school.

Despite those nitpicks, which I’m sure were dramatic devices, I really enjoyed this book and eagerly await the rest of the series. I’m curious to see if Nicky ends up with Ryan or Jerry. Personally, I hope its Ryan because Jerry seems like a player in the making. I am going to keep an eye out for the next book, “Fire Heart.” “Shadow Heart” will have a place on the “keeper” shelf on my bookcase.