Ecclesiastes and Song of Songs: life and relationships

This month I studied Ecclesiastes and Song of Songs (sometimes Song of Solomon depending on your Bible translation). Both books are reportedly written by King Solomon and both have very different themes and tones. The main theme of Ecclesiastes is life is meaningless without God. The main theme of Song of Songs is the courtship of a lover and his beloved. In Ecclesiastes, I would like to discuss two main verses which highlight the book’s theme. In Song of Songs, I want to discuss two verses which repeat throughout the book and are very important to any romantic relationship.

There are so many great verses in Ecclesiastes which support its theme. I would like to focus on a few. The first verse I would like to discuss is Ecclesiastes 1:9 “What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again, there is nothing new under the sun.” Humans are born, humans work and toil and humans die. It has been this way since the fall of man. Ecclesiastes 9:12 says that no man knows when his hour will come. We all share a common destiny: the good, the evil, the righteous, the wicked, we will all die and stand before God and be accountable for the things we have done in life. Everything in life comes from and comes to God. Happiness, pleasure, satisfaction, wisdom (Ecclesiastes 2:26) all come from God. Without God, your work, your search for happiness and wisdom is meaningless. It’s futile. Human wisdom doesn’t contain all the answers. True wisdom comes from God who sees past, present and future.

Second I would like to discuss the verses Ecclesiastes 4:9-12. Here we are shown that working as a partnership or team is better than working alone. Life is designed for companionship; not isolation. Genesis 2:18 states “The Lord God said ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’” By working together, we can bounce ideas of each other, solve problems together, to see in different perspectives to get the work done. My favorite part of these verse is verse 12, specifically “a cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” This verse is at the heart of mine and my husband’s unity ceremony during our wedding. Hanging on the wall of our love is a three strand rope with a white, gold and purple strand. The white strand represents me, the bride and wife. The purple strands represents my groom, my husband. The gold strand represents Jesus Christ as the center and authority in our marriage. The strands are tied together to represent the joining of two people by God in marriage. With Christ at the center of our marriage, the bond between my husband and I cannot be easily broken. 

The first verse I would like to discuss in Song of Songs is “Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.” This verse repeats three times: chapter 2 verse 7, chapter 3 verse 5, and chapter 8 verse 4. This verse is spoken by Beloved (the woman in the relationship). Although she speaks to other young girls, the verse does apply to men and women alike. This verse encourages us not to force romance or love. If we try to force love or even commitment, the relationship is doomed to fail and we end up deeply hurt. With the repeating of this verse throughout the book, we are reminded to allow love to blossom on its own and when it’s ready it will happen. When it happens, a lifelong commitment can occur. For those singles reading this, take the time to get to know each other. Allow love to develop naturally, if its mean for you two to be together, then it will happen.

The second verse I would like to discuss in Song of Songs is “I am my lover’s and he is mine.” This verse repeats twice: chapter 2 verse 16 and chapter 6 verse 3. This verse is, again, spoken by Beloved. Here she says that she and her lover belong to each other and only each other. In marriage, there must be a unity of mind, heart and body. This verse ties in with the verse above. When love is slowly awaken and a friendship develops first, the unity of mind, heart and body seems effortless. As time passes, a couple’s unity can only get stronger and deeper. For instance, my husband and I will celebrate eight years of marriage this year, ten years total of being together. We finish each other’s thoughts, sentences and even anticipate the other’s response will be. For example, my husband works very hard, when he comes home he wants to rest. He’ll say “I’m going to lay down” in such a way that it becomes a question. To which I reply with sarcasm, “No, you can’t.” So now when he realizes that he “asks” to lay down, he’ll answer his own question with my usual sarcastic response.

In conclusion, reading Ecclesiastes was, at times, very depressing. Everything is meaningless. Life is meaningless. The big picture of life, the meaning of life, so to speak, the ultimate purpose of life is to know God, to follow his commandments and to seek his will. Song of Songs is a beautiful story between a man and a woman. To see the whole story as they meet, fall in love and get married. It is an example of how a true love and commitment develops. You cannot rush, force or pressure love to develop. It blooms in its own time. Either it develops between two people or it doesn’t. 

Why boys shouldn't be favored over girls when desiring children

This week my husband and I had interesting conversations about the genders of our children. While we desire another child and hope to have another one day, we’ve been told that we really need to have a boy since we already have a girl and second, we need someone to pass the family name on. Since we don’t have the ability to choose the gender of our baby, even if we wanted to, why is it automatic that we should be desiring a boy? This idea got me thinking why are boys desired more than girls? In a recent Gallup poll, responders were asked if they could only have one child and they had the chance to choose the gender of that child, what would they choose? Forty percent responded that they would choose a boy, 28% chose girl and 25% had no preference. This poll has been repeatedly ten times since 1941 with almost identical results.

Girls are undervalued all over the world. The rates of sex-selective abortions in India and China are shocking while baby girls are being abandoned in South Korea. In the US, little girls tend to be sexualized through their clothes and though music. Girls are urged to stay young and innocent as long as possible yet media shows them that being sexy can achieve great things. Talk about a mixed message! To be concise with such a complex topic, I will discuss three reasons why boys are often preferred over girls and am argument against such reasons.

First, the main reason I hear about preferring boys over girls is because boys will pass on the family name. However, in the US today, women have the option to take her husband’s name, keep her own name or the husband can even take the wife’s name. For example, I took my husband’s name simply because I’ve always looked forward to being married and changing my name, I’m traditional in that sense. However, I do know of a family who had only girls. When one of the daughters got married, she and her husband decided to take her name so there could be a new generation with that surname. I’ve always heard of couples hyphenated their names, for example like Jones-Smith, or even combining their last names into a new last name. The best example is former Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa. When he married his wife, Corina, in 1987, they combined his surname, Villar, with her surname, Raigosa. To me, desiring a boy simply to pass on the family name is very weak.

Second, many claim to desire boys over girls because boys are easier to raise. The truth is neither gender is easier to raise than the other because the brains of boys and girls are different and thus develop at different rates over the course of their lives. Let’s break down the areas of raising a child and see which one is harder. Discipline: who’s harder? Boys. Why? Boys tend to respond better to physical discipline like being put into a time out chair or having their toys taken away while girls respond better to verbal discipline. Physical safety: who’s harder? Boys. Why? Boys tend to be more rambunctious and aggressive. They are natural risk takers. While girls (definitely not my daughter), tend to operate on the safer side and often need to be encouraged to take risks. Self-esteem: who’s harder? Girls. Why? Girls tend to grow up less confident and more insecure than boys. They are taught to be people pleasers, to bury their needs behind someone else’s. Another self-esteem issue with girls is body image. Parents, especially mothers, need to be careful how they express their satisfaction or dissatisfaction with their bodies because your daughters are watching and will learn to hate what you hate on their own bodies. School: who’s harder? Mostly boys. Why? Being action based, boys tend not to respond will to an indoor based school day. Early education activities like music, clay work, finger painting and physical activity, are being stopped in favor for an emphasis on academics and visual auditory learning. This type of learning can be too most for brains too immature to sit still and boys tend to act out in response in boredom. Final tally: Boys 3, Girls 1.

Some may say “hey! What about expenses? Girls require pretty fancy clothes, shows, accessories.” True, some girls may require a lot of stuff as teenagers. However, this isn’t always the case. Myself as a teenager was very low key. I enjoy, and still enjoy, a simple outfit. I enjoy getting dressed up every now and then; however, those occasions are few and far between. Boys can be expensive too when it comes to stuff. Ever looked into buying a new gaming system lately? The most current Xbox, Xbox One (2013), retails from $300-$500 with games which run as high as $80! How is this cheaper than dressing a girl? It seems that boys are the more expensive ones. I think we need to focus on how differently boys and girls develop and grow which changes the way we, as parents, need to approach raising them. What worked for your daughter won’t necessarily work for your son.

Third, fear. Simply fear. The world is a scary place and in many parents’ minds, boys are better equipped or physically able to handle the bug bad world out there. Therefore, the image of girls as dainty, fragile creatures who need to be protected from harm. Yes, the world is a scary place for girls. They could face sexual exploitation, violence, discrimination in the workplace and even in school. However, why can’t we teach and prepare our daughters to able to face these things if and when they come up? Why not teach our daughters self-defense by putting them in martial arts? Better yet, why are parents not teaching their sons how to respectful treat a woman? Why are we not teaching boys to respect when a woman says no and means no? Why aren’t we teaching our children to be partners with each other? To work together as a team? My husband and I are a team. While I do do the majority of the housework, my husband does pitch in when he has off. He helps me carry the laundry from the laundry mat. He does the heavy duty scrubbing chores that I despise. I’ve said this before in other blogs that while my husband is the head of our household, he and I discuss everything together. He values my opinion and takes my feedback into consideration when we need to make a financial decision or a decision regarding the care of our daughter. If I were to have a son, I want to teach him how to treat and respect the women in his life. And that doesn’t mean bow down and worship the ground she walks on but to value her as an important part in his life.

In conclusion, regardless of gender, our children should be valued for who they are and taught to work together for the betterment of their lives and the world. Raising children isn’t easy. It isn’t for the faint of heart. Some days I want to scream and shut the door against it all. But I’ve been entrusted with this little girl, and God willing another child, to prepare her for the world without me. A world where she have to look after herself. So regardless of what my next child will be, boy or girl, he or she will be a wonderful addition to our family and will be raised with love.  And that’s all that should matter!

Cross Out: a look into urban life

Cross Out by Roger Cannon is the story of 17 year old Jaime “Kimo” Flores who leads three very different lives. He’s a talented artist, an aspiring future cop and he is a member of a local tagging crew. When members of his crew kill a member of a local gang called The Posse, Jaime finds himself in a race against time to keep himself, his friends and his family safe. In the community of Bell Gardens, Jaime starts to see the lines between his different lives begin to blur. He must choose his final path before it is chosen for him. What path will he take? Will he make it out alive?

Cross Out is an interesting look into urban life and the impact the community has on the youth who grow up there. While I appreciate the author’s capture of the urban life, I was not captivated by the story. I see this story appealing more to young adult readers especially teenage boys. I recommend this book for young adult readers or anyone who can appreciate a story of an urban youth trying to find his way in the world.

Cross Out

is available on Amazon

in paperback and on the Kindle

Collecting: more than just gathering stuff

Collection is the act or process of accumulating something. Items from very inexpensive to extravagant. People collect many different things. My husband and I are collectors. It is one of the many things we have in common. For many of our friends and even his co-workers do not understand the drive behind collecting. The desire to collect can originate in many different ways. For many collectors, it falls into three categories, childhood memories and connections. It is the thrill of the hunt for new items. Or the special meaning or symbolism in the subject of the collection. There are many benefits to the brain when someone has a collection.

For many collectors, the joy of collecting stems from their childhood memories. My husband who primarily collects Star Wars action figures and memorabilia. It first began when he was 4 or 5 years ago when someone gave him a Ewok playset and the Cantina playset. However. The bulk of his collection started when he was 17. It’s the memory of getting those playsets as a child which drives his love of collecting. Many of my collection started when I was a teenager. My Coca-Cola collection started when I bought a Coca-Cola bottle with the Argentinean flag on it. It was 1994 World Cup and I thought it was cool. The one bottle turned into a lifetime collection. I’ve also been a long time collector of Precious Memories figurines. I collect pieces which are cute or have a special meaning for me at the time. For instance, one of my favorite pieces is called “Together is the nicest place to be” and it features a couple relaxing on the couch. It was given to me by my husband early in our marriage and it symbolizes exacting how I feel. It does matter what we are doing or where we are, when my husband and I are together is where I want to be.

Another source of joy of collecting is the thrill of the hunt. This is particularly true for my husband. There is a local hobby show called Frank and Sons. It is a large warehouse with individual booths inside where collectors can browse a wide range of collectibles for sale or even trade. Usually when a particular action figure is difficult to find in local retail stores, my husband can go to Frank and Sons and find it. He will look over the piece with a very critical eye, looking for flaws. There could be flaws in the paint, in the sculpting, or in the packaging. He’ll look over the figure while considering the asking price and make a decision about his counteroffer. He is also really good at bargaining with the seller. After a little back and forth, he and the seller will come to a deal which sometimes includes another figure for a lower price. The thrill of looking for the piece, finding the piece and then negotiating a price and the satisfaction when the piece is included in the collection is the satisfaction that comes with collecting.

For some collectors the items they collect have a special meaning or symbolism in their lives. The meaning or symbolism could be what the animal represents or it could have a connection to a loved one who has passed. I have many collections which has special meaning or symbolism to me. I recently started collect owls. In one year, I have quite a collection already. Owls symbolize wisdom and knowledge. I’ve always loved learning. I continue to teach myself new things all the time, so the owl seems to fit my personality. I have also thought owls to beautiful creatures. I’ve also collected wolves since high school. Wolves are another beautiful and majestic creature. Wolves symbolize a strong knowledge and instincts about oneself. Like with owls, I have felt a strong connection with wolves.  I also collect certain animals to represent my children especially my children who have passed. If you’ve read my blog before you know that I lost three children to miscarriage or premature birth. Each animal has a special connection to my children so that I can carry a piece of them with me. It doesn’t matter if anyone else doesn’t understand the symbolism, I do and it is a comfort.

There are many benefits to the brain when someone collects items as a hobby. First, collecting builds observational skills. A collector becomes more cognizant for details and becomes a better finder and seeker for items. For example, my husband’s ability to find the tiniest flaw on an action figure has helped him develop the ability to construct the display case at work which is appealing and inviting. Second, collecting improves organizational skills and enhances pattern recognition. A collection is often organized by shape, size, genre, series, and so on. Organizing the collection into categories enhances the ability to recognize common characteristics and detect gaps or flaws in a pattern. Again, this has helped my husband finds any flaws in a display. Third, collecting may forge a commitment to a good cause. For example, a person who collects elephant figurines may become aware of the elephants’ plight in the wild and make moves to help preserve and advocate preservation of the elephants. Lastly, when collectors are kids, the act of collecting could lead to a future career. For instance, if a child collects rocks, he or she might grow up to be a geologist. Or a child who loves animals and collects plush toys or figurines, may grow up to be a vet or a zoologist or a marine biologist.

In conclusion, if you were to ask any collector regardless of what they collect, their answers might be similar. They find joy and happiness in collecting. It would be joy from childhood or happiness in gathering items of meaning. It is the thrill of finding a particular item to complete a set and the subject of the collection may have special meaning or symbolism to the individual. Collecting benefits the brain and enhances abilities in other areas of life. Collecting enhances someone’s life in ways that benefits them. In my opinion, everyone collects something, some just don’t realize it.  

P.S. the pictures featuring my husband's collection is only a small fraction of his entire collection

The Girl from the Tea Garden: life in British India

The Girl from the Tea Garden by Janet MacLeod Trotter is the third book in the India Tea series. The story centers around Adela Robson, an Anglo-Indian girl, who dreams of life on the stage. When she meets the handsome Sam Jackman, she sees her dream coming more of a possibility. She seems to be at the height of society until she meets a charming yet spoiled prince and everything seems to fall apart. She soon finds herself in England, a country she doesn’t know. Will she have the courage and bravery to see through the bad times? Will she be able to return to her true home?

The Girl from the Tea Garden is set at the end of British rule in India, the turbulent political and social times are heavily felt as well as the outbreak of World War II. I enjoyed seeing World War II outside of the events in Europe. The author touches on events which occur in India during the war. I enjoy reading books which take the reader to a different part of the world and tells a story of what happened there while the war was going on. When I requested this book, I wasn’t aware it was the third in the series. However, the story was great to read and if there were any references to the first two books, they were subtle enough that it didn’t take away from the story. Now having read this book, I would like to read the first two and then read this one again. The author’s descriptions of the time and places were exquisite. If you enjoy historical fiction, you will enjoy The Girl from the Tea Garden.

The Girl from the Tea Garden

Is available on Amazon

In paperback and on the Kindle

Moana: another Disney adventure with a great message

Moana is the story about an Ancient Polynesian girl who must save her island from a curse. Moana (voiced by Auli’I Cravalho) is the daughter of the chief and has felt the call of the ocean. But her father, Chief Tui (voiced by Temuera Morrison) has forbidden anyone to sail past the reef. Her grandmother, Gramma Tala (voiced by Rachel House) tells her the story of Te Fiti, the mother island who created the islands and life. One day, a demigod, Maui (voiced by Dwayne Johnson) took the heart of Te Fiti. With the heart gone, a demon of fire and earth, Te Ká, seeks the heart and spreads death to island after island. Gramma Tala tells Moana that one day someone will journey across the sea, find Maui and restore the heart of Te Fiti. That day comes when Moana’s island suffers as the food supply dies. Moana finds a boat and defies her father and sails past the reef. She finds Maui who tries to trick her out of her boat but Moana is resourceful and finds a way to compel Maui to help her. The two journey together and battle pirates and mythical monsters. They finally reach Te Fiti, they must battle Te Ká to restore the heart.

I enjoyed the movie. It was uplifting and adventurous as any Disney film would be. I enjoyed seeing a tale which featured a people other than the more commonly told stories. The music was good. The song “How Far I’ll Go,” (written by Lin-Manuel Miranda, performed by Auli’i Cravalho) is a great uplifting song. I loved the songs which featured the native language of the Polynesian people. The only song I didn’t care for was “You’re Welcome” (written by Lin-Manuel Miranda, performed by Dwayne Johnson) was a little awkward at first but then develops into a fun song. Second, I enjoyed how nature and the ocean is a character in the movie. The ocean helps Moana, guides her on each step of her journey. It reminds me of Grandmother Willow in Pocahontas, although the ocean doesn’t speak in Moana. Third, I loved how the movie gives the message that its ok to have second thoughts and doubts. When the journey proves too difficult and there seems no nope to continue, Moana actually gives up and is ready to return home. She is visited by a person who helps her overcome those doubts. She’s very relatable this way. We’ve all had second thoughts and doubts and through Moana, audiences can be encouraged to keep trying.  

There are a few things I didn’t like. First, some of the humor falls flat for me. There is a scene where Moana thinks the ocean has not helped her find Maui and she’s on a desert island, she yells insults at the ocean including a line about fish pee. Then another scene where Maui is teaching Moana how to sail and he tells her to feel the current, if it’s warm you are going in the right direction. She feels the water and it’s cold, then suddenly warm. You see Moana react and you realize that Maui has peed in the water. I know the main audience is children but why does the humor how to usually center on bathroom jokes and gross humor. Second, Moana’s animal sidesick, a chicken named Heihei, seems to be outplace. I know he’s supposed to be the comedic relief during many scenes but sometimes the humor didn’t add to the scene. It was just awkward.

There were a lot of criticisms surrounding Moana and its story. First, a group of Polynesian people criticized Disney for making Maui overweight as an insult to the people and to Maui who is revered as a hero in oral traditions. Osnat Shurer, producer on the film, said they worked closely with different Polynesian groups in the South Pacific and found that each group had a different interpretation and image of Maui. So which one to depict in the film? Overall, I do not see overweight or even obese. He is bigger than life, muscular. There are many images of Polynesian people as fit and muscular. Second, many have called Moana as “cultural theft” which “inaccurately depicts Polynesian culture.” The problem is Polynesia isn’t a singular group but has hundreds of different languages with millions of people with different versions of these stories. So Disney took different aspects of the stories and created a fantasy world. I understand their concern and want the culture and stories accurately depicted. Unfortunately, many stories which Disney has told in the past were changed for the audience. For instance, Hercules (1997) depicts the hero as the son of Zeus and Hera. According to Greek mythology, he’s not the son of Hera. In fact, Hera tries to kill him as an infant. Many Disney stories do not resemble the original story: Pinocchio (1940), Sleeping Beauty (1959), and Cinderella (1950), Mulan (1998), to name a few. Does that mean these movies aren’t enjoyable? No, it doesn’t. If Moana encourages children to read about, explore and experience the Polynesian culture through their stories, to be introduced to the Polynesian people in the world today, what is the harm in that?

Moana is a fun adventure about a people that many do not much about. I enjoyed the music and the look into Ancient Polynesian life and the people who bravely sailed across the ocean and populated the South Pacific. A people who did it long before many thought it was possible. Moana is a great character filled with a desire to help her people that she will brave the open ocean. I loved the message of continuing on your journey despite your second thoughts and doubts. I understand the cultural concerns of a group in the Polynesian community; however, with such a broad area that is Polynesia that even within the area there is a diversity that no movie could accurately depict. Overall, I enjoyed Moana. It is a great addition to the vast Disney movie library. If you haven’t already seen the film, I highly recommend it. It’s available now on Blu-ray and DVD. Check it out. 

The Bone Witch: a fantasy world of magic and monsters

The Bone Witch by Rin Chupeco is a story in a mystical world where bone witches are feared for they can raise the dead and have very powerful magic. Tea is a young girl who lives with her parents in Knightscross, a small village in the kingdom of Odalia. Her older sisters are respected witches of water and forest. One day, without meaning to, Tea raised her brother, Fox, from his grave. Another bone witch, Mykaela, comes to see Tea and informs her that she needs to leave her home and train with other ashas or witches. When Tea arrives in Ankyo, the capital of the kingdom of Kion and enters The Willows, the home of the most powerful asha, Mistress Parmina, she is thrown in a world of lessons and intense training. During her training, she visits an oracle who tells her she is hovers between being a force of good and a source of evil. She will change the world. Will Tea heed the oracle’s warning? Will she strive to be a force of good? Or will she turn to darkness?

The Bone Witch is an interesting premise and story which certainly opens itself to multiple books. It was a bit slow at points with no real action until about 75% into the book. However, the descriptions of this world draws you in. The reader learns with Tea as she deciphers the oracle’s message. I can't discuss too much of the events as it would give away too much information, If you enjoy fantasy worlds and the realms of magic and adventure, I recommend The Bone Witch.

The Bone Witch

Is available on Amazon

In hardcover and on the Kindle