Tamar, daughter of King David: a story of injustice and the consequences of sin

Tamar was the daughter of King David. Her story is told in 2 Samuel 13:1-22. It is a hard story to study as it could still easily occur to someone we know and care for. Tamar was a beautiful woman with a bright future ahead of her. Until she was savagely raped by her half brother, Amnon, and let down by her father when he does nothing to punish him. She is left broken and an outcast as her hopes for a marriage and a future is taken away from her due to one man’s lust. It is only when her brother, Absalom, takes matters into his own hands to see that Amnon is punished. What were the events that led to the rape? What is rape and what does God’s word say about it? How can we help a victim? 

Tamar was a beautiful young woman, destined for a marriage designed for political alliances. Amnon was her half brother and David’s eldest son and heir. To say he was used to getting his way would be understatement. One day, he was despondent, restless because he was desperately in love with Tamar, his half sister. Pretending to be ill, he asked that Tamar come to his bedside and care for him. When she arrives, he tries to lure her into his bed. She refuses which infuriates Amnon that he rapes her. Afterward his infatuations turned to hatred, Amnon tossed Tamar out of his rooms, blaming her for what he had done. Traumatized and grieved, Tamar wanders the streets until her brother, Absalom, finds her and learns about the terrible events. When King David finds out about the rape of his daughter at the hands of his son, he is furious. However, he does nothing. Furious at the lack of action by his father, Absalom vows revenge for his sister and bides his time, waiting for his chance. Two years later, the opportunity came and Absalom killed Amnon. 

Rape is a type of sexual assault that usually involves sexual intercourse or other forms of sexual penetration without consent, with physical force, coercion or abuse of authority (Humboldt). It is a serious crime with an estimated victim every 68 seconds in America (RAINN.org). And the majority of assaults will happen at or near the victim’s home. Rape is the most underreported crime around the world. There are many reasons why a victim would not report a rape: 1) fear of retaliations, 2) not wanting the offender to get into trouble, especially when the offender is a family member or friend, 3) fear of getting in trouble themselves, and 4) not trusting law enforcement (RAINN). God’s law took the matter of rape very seriously, calling it detestable. In Deuteronomy 22:25-27 there are safeguards to victims from punishment even calling for the offender to be put to death. In this text, the Hebrew verb, chazaq is used, which implies violence. “Chazaq can refer to the violent overpowering of another person” and in this verse, the “describes coercive force, i.e. rape” (McCoy, 2017). 

Unfortunately, rape is an experience that will stay with a victim. However, it does not need to forever define their future. As a valued and wonderful creation of God (Psalm 139), a victim can find hope. What can we do to help? First, assure them that it takes great courage to open up about rape and that they are not alone. Psalm 9:9 says “The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.” Second, assure them that they are not at fault. A victim does not “ask for it.” While rape is a sin, it is not their sin. It was a sin against them. Even though Amnon blamed Tamar for the rape, she was not at fault. All she did was serve food to her “sick” brother. Third, be a safe place for them to talk when they need it. Sometimes just talking about it is the biggest healing experience. Fourth, check in periodically. Remind them you are still there for support, comfort and a sounding board. Lastly, if you feel they need professional help, contact a rape hotline and organizations for recommendations. 

Tamar was an innocent young woman who had no idea how much danger she was in when she came to take care of her “ill” brother.  And for her father to do nothing only added to her trauma. Did David favor his son over his daughter? Maybe. Or was his moral compass so damaged from his own sexual affair that he felt he couldn’t confront and punish Amnon? Possibly. Whatever his reasons, David’s inaction would lead to the destruction of two more lives as Absalom took matters into his own hands. Rape is a violent act against another. It is a crime that goes unreported for many reasons. It can leave a victim without a sense of safety and needless blame. But there is hope for victims. There are resources for victims and it can start with us. Be a support and comfort for victims. 

National Sexual Assault Hotline

800-656-HOPE (4673)

References

Humboldt (no date). Stop Rape: Response and Prevention. Humboldt State University. https://stoprape.humboldt.edu/statistics. Retrieved November 21, 2021. 

McCoy, Katie (December 11, 2017). God is not silent: What the Bible teaches about sexual assault. The Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission. https://erlc.com/resource-library/articles/god-is-not-silent-what-the-bible-teaches-about-sexual-assault/. Retrieved November 28, 2021. 

RAINN (no date). Statistics. RAINN. https://www.rainn.org/statistics. Retrieved November 21, 2021. 

Tamar, Judah's daughter in law: a story of desperation, double standards and God's work through it all

This month I studied the story of Tamar, Judah’s daughter-in-law. Tamar is one of five women mentioned in the Genealogy of Jesus in Matthew 1:1-16. Driven by one overwhelming need, she sacrificed her reputation and nearly her life to achieve her goals. Her life was filled with sorrow as the men in her life failed to fulfill their responsibility and leaves her a childless widow. It is only by her daring behavior resulted in the fulfilment of her hopes to bear children. Her story is told in Genesis 38. While prostitution was common in their day, it presents a sexual double standard which still exists today. Tamar’s story is another example of God using the imperfections of humans for his perfect plans.

Her story begins as she is married to Judah’s oldest son, Er who was a wicked man whom God killed for his sins. Then, she married Onan, Judah’s second son, as was the custom. Their children would carry Er’s line. Unfortunately, Onan did not want any son of his to be considered a son of his brother, so he slept with Tamar but spilled his semen on the ground, ensuring no child would be conceived. Onan would die for his wickedness. Judah had one more son, Shelah, but he was losing him as well. Judah sent Tamar home to her father.  When Tamar learned her father-in-law would be taking his sheep to be sheared, she took desperate action. She impersonated a temple prostitute and slept with Judah, who gave her his personal seal, cord, and staff in pledge for future payment. Three months later, Judah learns Tamar is pregnant, outraged he orders her to be burned. Tamar shows the seal, cord, and staff as evidence to the identity of the man responsible. When Judah sees the items as his, he proclaims that Tamar is more righteous than him (Genesis 38: 26). Tamar would give birth to twin boys, Perez and Zerah. Perez would later be an ancestor of Jesus.  

Prostitution was a form of worship in the ancient world. It was believed fertility gods granted blessings to those who practiced it. When Judah traveled and mistook Tamar for a shrine prostitute, he slept with her to ensure a good crop of wool. Judah’s outrage at Tamar’s pregnancy is proof of a sexual double standard as he orders her death but never thinks about the man who is also responsible. Proverbs 20:23 “The Lord detests differing weights, and dishonest scales do not please him.” God does not create double standards, man does. Double standards exist today, especially in terms of sexuality. Men are studs as they boost of their sexual exploits, but a woman would be a slut. According to Mark Ballenger (2018), there are a few reasons why they exist in today’s church. First, men idolize a woman’s sexual purity. Men see sex as the secret treasure to everlasting happiness and a perfectly pure virgin is the key to that happiness whereas woman are more concerned with a man’s ability to provide and support. Second, common dating advice gives all the power to men especially in Christian churches as well as the pressures related to Christian courtship rules especially who initiates and pursues a relationship. Lastly, men and women aren’t confronting the double standards and therefore they will always be there. Woman aren’t holding men to the same sexual purity standard and men aren’t calling out other men when they operate with double standards.

Tamar’s story often takes readers by surprised, repulses us and recoil from the sordid details. Her story is often overlooked as many may think there isn’t much about her story to inspire us. However., we see God’s work in Tamar’s story. Only God of eternal surprises to use such a sordid tale for his glory. When Judah had shown little concern regarding his descendants, God had used a woman to ensure the tribe of Judah would not only survive but thrive and one day bear the Messiah. It is another story as proof that God takes the unfit, the desperate, and the profane, and uses them to his eternal and holy purpose. It is also another story as evidence that we don’t always know when the power of God is at work, but he is at work. We may see it tomorrow or next week, or next year or we may never see it in our lifetimes. It doesn’t mean that it won’t happen. We must have faith that God is at work and it will be revealed at the proper time. 2 Corinthians 5:7 says, “For we live by faith, not by sight” and “faith is the assurance of what we hope for and the certainty of what we do not see” (Hebrews 11:1).

In conclusion, Tamar’s story is an example of human imperfections and misdeeds are molded to God’s plan and glory. Her story is also a story of double standards. God judges men and women by the same standards, whereas humans create these double standards While sexual purity is a good thing; however, maturity in Christ is much more important. Sexual purity is not an indictor as to a person’s maturity and ability to be a godly spouse. We need to keep each other to the same standards. If you expect purity in your spouse, then you, yourself, need to be pure as well. Tamar’s story is also another example of our legacy, the fulfilment of God’s promises isn’t always seen in our lifetimes.

References

Ballenger, Mark (July 30, 2018). Why Is There a Double Standard in Sexuality for Christian Males and Females? Apply God’s Word.com. https://applygodsword.com/why-is-there-a-double-standard-in-sexuality-for-christian-males-and-females/. Retrieved August 22, 2020.