Tamar, daughter of King David: a story of injustice and the consequences of sin

Tamar was the daughter of King David. Her story is told in 2 Samuel 13:1-22. It is a hard story to study as it could still easily occur to someone we know and care for. Tamar was a beautiful woman with a bright future ahead of her. Until she was savagely raped by her half brother, Amnon, and let down by her father when he does nothing to punish him. She is left broken and an outcast as her hopes for a marriage and a future is taken away from her due to one man’s lust. It is only when her brother, Absalom, takes matters into his own hands to see that Amnon is punished. What were the events that led to the rape? What is rape and what does God’s word say about it? How can we help a victim? 

Tamar was a beautiful young woman, destined for a marriage designed for political alliances. Amnon was her half brother and David’s eldest son and heir. To say he was used to getting his way would be understatement. One day, he was despondent, restless because he was desperately in love with Tamar, his half sister. Pretending to be ill, he asked that Tamar come to his bedside and care for him. When she arrives, he tries to lure her into his bed. She refuses which infuriates Amnon that he rapes her. Afterward his infatuations turned to hatred, Amnon tossed Tamar out of his rooms, blaming her for what he had done. Traumatized and grieved, Tamar wanders the streets until her brother, Absalom, finds her and learns about the terrible events. When King David finds out about the rape of his daughter at the hands of his son, he is furious. However, he does nothing. Furious at the lack of action by his father, Absalom vows revenge for his sister and bides his time, waiting for his chance. Two years later, the opportunity came and Absalom killed Amnon. 

Rape is a type of sexual assault that usually involves sexual intercourse or other forms of sexual penetration without consent, with physical force, coercion or abuse of authority (Humboldt). It is a serious crime with an estimated victim every 68 seconds in America (RAINN.org). And the majority of assaults will happen at or near the victim’s home. Rape is the most underreported crime around the world. There are many reasons why a victim would not report a rape: 1) fear of retaliations, 2) not wanting the offender to get into trouble, especially when the offender is a family member or friend, 3) fear of getting in trouble themselves, and 4) not trusting law enforcement (RAINN). God’s law took the matter of rape very seriously, calling it detestable. In Deuteronomy 22:25-27 there are safeguards to victims from punishment even calling for the offender to be put to death. In this text, the Hebrew verb, chazaq is used, which implies violence. “Chazaq can refer to the violent overpowering of another person” and in this verse, the “describes coercive force, i.e. rape” (McCoy, 2017). 

Unfortunately, rape is an experience that will stay with a victim. However, it does not need to forever define their future. As a valued and wonderful creation of God (Psalm 139), a victim can find hope. What can we do to help? First, assure them that it takes great courage to open up about rape and that they are not alone. Psalm 9:9 says “The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.” Second, assure them that they are not at fault. A victim does not “ask for it.” While rape is a sin, it is not their sin. It was a sin against them. Even though Amnon blamed Tamar for the rape, she was not at fault. All she did was serve food to her “sick” brother. Third, be a safe place for them to talk when they need it. Sometimes just talking about it is the biggest healing experience. Fourth, check in periodically. Remind them you are still there for support, comfort and a sounding board. Lastly, if you feel they need professional help, contact a rape hotline and organizations for recommendations. 

Tamar was an innocent young woman who had no idea how much danger she was in when she came to take care of her “ill” brother.  And for her father to do nothing only added to her trauma. Did David favor his son over his daughter? Maybe. Or was his moral compass so damaged from his own sexual affair that he felt he couldn’t confront and punish Amnon? Possibly. Whatever his reasons, David’s inaction would lead to the destruction of two more lives as Absalom took matters into his own hands. Rape is a violent act against another. It is a crime that goes unreported for many reasons. It can leave a victim without a sense of safety and needless blame. But there is hope for victims. There are resources for victims and it can start with us. Be a support and comfort for victims. 

National Sexual Assault Hotline

800-656-HOPE (4673)

References

Humboldt (no date). Stop Rape: Response and Prevention. Humboldt State University. https://stoprape.humboldt.edu/statistics. Retrieved November 21, 2021. 

McCoy, Katie (December 11, 2017). God is not silent: What the Bible teaches about sexual assault. The Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission. https://erlc.com/resource-library/articles/god-is-not-silent-what-the-bible-teaches-about-sexual-assault/. Retrieved November 28, 2021. 

RAINN (no date). Statistics. RAINN. https://www.rainn.org/statistics. Retrieved November 21, 2021. 

Adulting: a story of facing your demons for a second chance at life

Adulting by Liz Talley is a story about starting over and how it is never too late to get your life back on track. Self-destructive actress Chase London had one too many all-night benders, too many failed rehabs and a parole violation. Written off as a has-been, she is given one last chance...if Chase is willing. Olivia Han is a life coach who is devoted to Square One, her “adulting” boot camp therapy program. She decides to take Chase far away from the prying eyes of Hollywood and focus on her treatment. Together they travel to Olivia’s Northern California cabin where they discover it needs as much TLC as Chase does. As they work together to rehab the cabin, Chase discovers a safe place to come to her terms with her troubled past and face the demons she has been running from. At the same time, Olivia finds herself coming to terms with her own demons as she helps Chase learn the life skills she never had. 

Adulting is a story about life. The ups and downs. The great times and the darkest secrets that shape us. The book does come with a disclaimer that the story deals with substance abuse, depression, suicide, sexual abuse and rape. However, I don’t want the disclaimer to dissuade any readers from this story because it is a great story. Ms. Talley wonderfully deals with these subjects with seriousness and tenderness. Adulting is a story of second chances in life, love, and friendship. There are great moments of emotional revelation. Romantic moments that will make you sigh and smile with the occasional “Oh my!” There are even a few laugh out loud moments such as the stupid mistakes we make as we learn to do our own laundry and wash the dishes. There are many wonderful characters that help Chase and Olivia find the healing they truly needed. I wanted to reach through the book and give these women a big hug. This book exceeded my expectations. I highly recommend Adulting! 

Adulting is available in paperback, eBook and audiobook. 

The Night Swim: are a current rape case and an suspicious death connected?

The Night Swim by Megan Goldin is the story of Rachel Krall who covers a rape trial for her podcast, Guilty or Not Guilty. After her podcast helped freed an innocent man, she has become a household name and now the current season needs to be a smash. She arrives in the small town of Neapolis, North Carolina ahead of the trial of a local young man who has been accused of rape. At the same time, she is hounded by a fan who is from the same small town about the murder of her sister 25 years ago. Hannah, who was a young girl when her sister died, begs Rachel to find her sister’s killer. At first, Rachel brushes it off as she needs to focus on the new case. As she covers the case from victim blaming to the courtroom to the verdict, Rachel finds just how polarizing the topic of rape can be. Unlike the black and white view that murder is wrong, the subject of rape shows ugly shades of gray. While she tries to stay focused on the current case, she can’t help but be pulled into another case of Jenny Stills whose death was ruled an accidental drowning. However, the details don’t sit right with Rachel as she tries to find the truth. Was the victim raped that night? Will the perpetrator be punished? What is the connection to the death of Jenny Stills? Is there a connection?

After I read this book, I read some of the reviews, as I normally do, to see if my impressions match the impressions of other readers. And just like in the book, the topic of rape polarizes the reviews. I found The Night Swim to be a thought-provoking, dramatic story as it shines a light on the complicities of a rape case. How and when does consent need to be given and expressed? Why is a promiscuous man known as a stud, but a promiscuous woman is a slut? A few reviewers demanded that the story come with trigger warnings. I think the book’s description as a podcaster covering a rape case wasn’t warning enough. Overall, I liked Rachel with her dogged curiosity for the truth and justice. I liked that she didn’t just push the Jenny Stills case aside simply because it wasn’t the case she was covering. There was also a twist that I didn’t see coming. I thought I guess it but boy, was I wrong! I recommend reading it with care as the story deals with the important issue of rape and the details of the case are graphic. Ms. Goldin doesn’t pull any punches; she writes a rape case that is as real as it gets. As I read, one case seemed so cut and dry and the other one was not so straight forward. As the cases unfold, there’s more than what meets the eye. It opens the conversation of how rape cases are handled, investigated, and prosecuted. I recommend The Night Swim. The story grips you from the very beginning and keeps you hanging on until the very end.

The Night Swim

is available in hardcover, eBook and audiobook