Parenting: an important job and responsibility

Raising a child is a very important responsibility. Parents are very important figures in a child’s development. Not just physically so they grow up healthy; but also, mentally and emotionally so they grow up to be mature and responsible adults who pass on the same lessons to future generations. Parents shape the future with every action, reaction or even inaction. The decision to have children should not be made lightly as it is a huge life altering event in your life. The Bible has a lot to say about parents and child. Discipline is an important part of parenting and often the most controversial. What exactly does the Bible say about discipline? What are my thoughts on parenting? Should everyone become parents?

Parents shape the future. Parents shape the world’s future by the way they shape their children’s values. When you show and teach your children to love and cherish the people in their lives, to help those in need and live responsibly and rightly, children will grow up to do the same. We need to steer children toward Christ by our example, our words and our acts of kindness. However, on the flip side, if you teach your child it is okay to cheat, lie and even hurt those around them, they will repeat those actions. In Genesis 26:7-11, Isaac lied about Rebekah being his sister just like his father, Abraham, lied and presented his wife, Sarah, as his sister. Not just once but twice (Genesis 12:10-14 and 20:1-4)! Our actions affect our children. Exodus 34:7 states that the punishment of sins will affect the third and fourth generations. This means that the consequences of sins will be felt and spread to future generations. When parents teach the sins of greed, selfishness and other destructive behaviors, the cycle continues into future generations. Parents are responsible to teach their children about God, teaching His Word. We are to teach them about God in everything we do and everywhere you go. Psalm 22:30-31 says “Posterity will serve him; future generations will be told about the Lord. They will proclaim his righteousness to a people yet unborn-for he has done it.” If we want our children to know the Lord, we must teach them. We cannot leave it to the church, and Sunday school teachers. Just like with their education in school, everything starts and continues with parents. Church, Sunday school teachers and education teachers are only added to the team to instruct children; however, parents are the first and most important teachers.

Parenting is an awesome and scary responsibility. Discipline is an important responsibility in parenting as it is used to mold and shape our children. It is also one of the most difficult tasks to do and follow through. The Bible has a great example: King David. 2 Samuel 14:33 demonstrates David’s halfhearted approach to parenting led to sad situations. David didn’t punish Ammon for his sin against Tamar nor did he decisively deal with Absalom’s murder of Ammon. This indecision would lead to David’s undoing and turmoil in the kingdom following his reign. However, some parents take it to extreme and are too strict that they stifle their children. Many people quote Proverbs 13: 24 “He who spares the rod hates his son” to justify corporal punishment. However, they forget or ignore the second part, “but he who loves him is careful to disciple him.” Parents need to exercise their authority with caution and grace. Actions speak louder than words. Children learn values, morals, and priorities by observing how their parents act and react every day. The “Do as I say and not as I do” cliché doesn’t work. They cannot and should not be beaten into behaving. Sometimes, despite our best effort, our children will choose the wrong path. For example, in 1 Samuel 8:1-3, As an old man, Samuel appointed his sons as judges; however, these men were corrupt and did not serve as their father did. The Bible does not tell us if it was Samuel’s parenting that led to the men’s corrupt behaviors. However, it is an example to us parents, that when your children are grown, we must realize that our control and influence over them can dwindle. All we can do is pray that they return to God and the path we tried to teach them.

As I have mentioned in previous posts, I have always dreamed of having children. I dreamed of my children and even had their names picked out before I even close to being married. My journey to motherhood has been a rocky one and despite my desires to be a mother, I was not prepared for the demands a child has on you physically, emotionally and mentally. However, I learned quickly, and I take my job as a mother very seriously. I’m lucky that I have a husband who is equally committed to his job as a father that we are often on the same page when it comes to the demands of parenthood. Even though I grew up around babies and young children and my husband was even used to being around young children, it is very different when it’s your own child. You find yourself filling with doubt at every decision. Breastfeeding or formula? Vaccinations or not? This diaper or that one? Is the baby too warm? Too cold? Preschool or not? Is my child ready for school? Will she fall behind? Am I doing enough to prepare her for the challenges she will face in the future? Parenting is more than just putting food on the table, providing clothes and shoes. When people think of children, they think of the physical provisions. How many of you had a parenting class in high school when you carried around a sack of flour or the doll that cried like a real baby? What did it teach you? It taught you the physical demands of a child. But people often forget or are unprepared for the emotional and psychological needs of a child. This is where the high school programs fail too. Parenting is also being there when the child needs encouragement, instruction and celebration. It is taking an interest in what your child likes and helping her understand why something is inappropriate.

When I was searching for images to include in this post, I came across a quote from Jessica Valenti, an American feminist, from her book, Why Have Kids?: A New Mom Explores the Truth About Parenting and Happiness (2012). She says, “The cultural insistence that parenting is the ‘most important’ job in the world is a smart way to satiate unappreciated women without doing a damn thing for them.” At first, I was angry at this quote. Parenting is a very important job in the world! However, as I thought about it, I realized that she is right. The key word is “most.” While parenting is an important job, it is not the only job a woman can do. All jobs are important in our world, no one job is more important than another. I also realize that when most people think of parents, an image of a mother flashes in their minds. How many products are marketed to women as the parental decision makers? “Choosy moms choose Jif?” Diaper commercials? The Luvs marketing campaign comes to mind. Fathers are often pushed aside when it comes to parenting. And while most fathers gladly take a sideline to raising their children, there are a growing number of men who realize their role as parents and are fighting against the tradition. Raising children is not just the job of the mother. It was designed to be a job for two people. While there are times, I am the main one in charge of certain tasks, for the most part, my husband and I are truly parenting partners. I may make it sound too perfect and I don’t mean to. There are days when I get frustrated and overwhelmed. I’ve learned that I need to say, “hey I need your help!” That is a lesson many mothers need to learn. Asking for help doesn’t mean you are a bad mother. It helps your children learn that it is okay to ask for and receive help when it is needed.

In conclusion, parents are the first important people in a child’s life. They are the first people they looked to for help, guidance, love and comfort. It is an immense responsibility. Everything we do affects our children which is why it is important to be diligent and informed. Parenting is an important job in your life. It is not the only or most important job. Not everyone is destined to be parents and if you don’t think you can meet the demands and challenges that children bring to your life, then you probably aren’t ready for children. It’s okay. I know people who have chosen not to have children, few have regretted that decision while others to not. When deciding to have children, please listen to your heart. Don’t let the opinions of others decide for you.

Titus, Philemon, Hebrews and James: responsibility, forgiveness, faith and perserverance

Today’s study is on four short, and often overlooked, books. In Titus, Paul writes to Titus, a young Christian who had become an important representative on the island of Crete. He writes about the responsibility of Christians as citizens of the world. In Philemon, Paul writes about the need to break down walls that once separated us and create unity among believers. Hebrews is written by an unknown author and presents the importance of faith. The book of James is written by one of Jesus’ brothers which discusses proper Christian living through trials, faith and actions.

In Titus, Paul writes to remind us that we are “to be subject to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready to do whatever is good, to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and to show true humility toward all men” (Titus 3:1-2). As Christians, our first allegiance is to Jesus as Lord and Savior. However, we are still citizens of a country and we are to obey the civil laws. It is our responsibility as Christians and citizens to participate in our government and society. This includes voting or even holding office. It includes participating in our community functions and volunteering. We are not to hide isolation away from the world. How are we to spread the gospel and be an example of Jesus’ love to the world if we are hidden from the world? We can’t. We are to be in the world, just not of the world (John 17:14-19). We are to be a light in the world (Matthew 5:14). So, obey the traffic laws, pay your taxes, vote in the elections, and do good in your communities. There are many examples that can be done in your communities. It doesn’t matter how big or small. What matters is your participation.

Philemon is a very short book, no chapters just verses. Philemon is believed to be a wealthy individual who once owned a slave named Onesimus who had ran away after stealing from his master. He meets Paul in Rome and becomes a believer in Christ. Paul is now sending his letter to Philemon, as well as Onesimus. Paul pleads with Philemon to welcome Onesimus as a brother in Christ and forgive him (verses 8-16). Paul writes “Perhaps the reason he was separated from you for a little while was that you might have him back for good – no longer a slave, but better than a slave, as a dear brother (verses 15-16). Slavery was widespread in the Roman empire, but no one is lost to God or beyond his love. Slavery was a barrier between people, but Christians can break down that barrier with love and fellowship. We need to remember that in Christ, we are all family. Unfortunately, many Christians today separate themselves according to denominations. Someone will be looked down on by other Christians because they are Baptist or Catholic or even in churches designated as non-denominational. We allow man-made traditions and rituals, which may or may not be Biblically based or inspired, to separate us and forget the fact that we are all brothers and sisters in Christ.

My favorite chapter in the book of Hebrews is Chapter 11, commonly known as the Hall of Fame of Faith. The author gives us examples of faith throughout the Old Testament. The author defines faith as “being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see” (verse 1). He proceeds to list the amazing things men and women did by faith. From Abel to Abraham to Moses to the prophets, men and women displaying their faith despite the uncertainties, the ridicule and even in the face of their possible deaths. Noah built the ark despite never seeing a drop of rain before (Hebrews 11:7). By faith, Abraham became a stranger in a strange land to become the father of nations (Hebrews 11:9). God rewards those who live by faith and earnestly seek him (Hebrews 11:6); however not everyone received those rewards on earth. Many did not live to see what was promised (Hebrews 11:39). Abraham did not live to see his descendants be as numerous as the stars, but he believed God would do as he promised (Hebrews 11:12). Martin Luther King Jr once said, “Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the entire staircase” and that’s what these individuals did. They took the first step even though they didn’t see the whole picture. We can look to the examples listed in Hebrews 11 and remember that by faith, we can do great things for God. We may not live to see the results but by faith, we believe that it will happen.

The book of James is often referred to as the how to book on Christian living. Right off the bat, James tells us to consider our trials with joy as our faith is deepened through perseverance (James 1:2-3). He writes “Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him (James 1:12). Many times, when we are going through hard times, we ask “why me?” We try to think of what we did or didn’t do to deserve the trial. Sometimes a trial is the result of sin or a decision we made that opened the door for the situation. Whatever the reason, the trial can hone our faith, deepen our reliance on God and gives us wisdom in the end. James also tells us to do what the word says, not just listen to it (James 1:22). Many Christians read the Bible but do not put it into practice. It is hearing “do unto others” and doing the opposite. Unfortunately, many Christians treat others, believers and non-believers alike, with malice and animosity.  It is one reason why many people distrust Christian and even turned away from God.

In conclusion, the book of Titus reminds us that we are not to ignore our responsibilities as citizens of our country. We are called to be an example of Jesus in the world in order to show the people his love and we must among the people of the world to do so. The book of Philemon is an example of reconciliation through forgiveness. In the book of Hebrews, we are given examples of faith which can remind us that sometimes we must step forward by faith in order to see the whole picture later. Lastly, the book of James tells us that faith in honed through perseverance and we must act on the Word, not just learn it.

What was I thinking?: a fun book to teach children about their brains

What was I thinking? Volume 1: My Brainy Best Friend by Zac Lange is a engaging story which introduces children to the power and responsibility of their brains.

The story follows a young boy and his best friend: his brain. It helps him think, play, laugh, and read. Sometimes when the brain takes a rest, he make mistakes because he did not think before he acts. When the brain comes back from its rest and it realize the mistake he’s made. The boy with his brain create a special list about how to avoid making mistakes in the future. First, stop and think. Think of the consequences. Will he get in trouble? Second, could this hurt? Physical injury or broken items around the house. Third, could this get me in trouble? Is he allowed to do this activity?

What was I thinking? is a great book introducing kids to the power of their brains. It teaches them to use their brain in order to do the right thing. The illustrations are fun and engaging. I think that children will enjoy reading this story and will understand the lesson involved. My 4 year old daughter enjoyed listening to the story and even today still tells me that her brain is in the head. I recommend this book for any family or classroom library.

What was I thinking?

Volume 1: My Brainy Best Friend

is available on Amazon

in hardcover $22.95

and in paperback for $9.95 

What happiness means to me

With the Christmas season in full swing, everyone is shopping for that perfect gift. The gift which will make someone else happy. What is happiness? How does someone know what will make someone else happy? Everyone is searching for what will make them happy. Happiness is different for everyone. It is difficult to define without diving into philosophy and psychology. When I think of happiness, I think of the saying “beauty is in the eye of the beholder,” it is the same for happiness. Happy people realize who makes them happy, will look for the silver lining, and allows happy moments to just happen.

First, you are in charge of making yourself happy. No one else can do it for you. If you are unhappy with your job, find a way to change it. Maybe it would with a new position or even a new job. Many people are looking for the Mr. Right or Mrs. Right to marry and make them happy. Requiring someone else to be completely in charge of your happiness is a difficult and almost impossible thing to do. Many couples with this mentality often will run from the relationship when the person fails to live up to such a task. We must take responsibility for our own happiness and find it where we can. Although, I do know some people just can’t be happy no matter what the situation. They may have their dream job and will find something wrong with it.

Second, there's a saying that is attributed to many different people. It says that happiness is not the absence of problems but the ability to deal with them. Every life will have its problems. People get sick, into accidents and run into a variety of different troubles. The difference between happy people and unhappy people is the ability to look for the silver linings in their lives regardless of their problems. For instance, when the family car gets into an accident, while the loss of a car is a burden, most people will be happy that no one was serious hurt or killed. Happy people tend to enjoy the little things in life than the stuff you can get or do. For me, happiness does come in the small things. It’s hanging out with my husband and my daughter. It’s hanging out at home watching football or a movie. It is laughing over a board game and enjoying home cooked meals.

Third, happiness usually comes when you sit back and relax. As Nathaniel Hawthorne wrote “Happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued is always just beyond your grasp, but which if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.” I like this quote because it describes how I used to live and how I have changed. I used to pursue and force happiness and it would only leave me disappointed and depressed. Until I sat back, let go and let God. Now I am happily married with a beautiful daughter. We may not have much but what we do have, we cherish. Sometimes what we can desperately trying to find will come to us when we relax and let it come. Sometimes it will come in ways we would have never imagined!

In conclusion, happiness isn’t the goal, it’s the journey. It’s in the moments as life happens. A common misconception is that a happy person has a happy life, that every moment is happy and good. Life just doesn’t work that way. Humans were made with a wide range of emotions. We get sad, angry, depressed, and annoyed. Just because we experience these emotions in the moment doesn’t mean we can’t have a happy life. In the life filled with struggles and strife, you sometimes can find the happiest people. Why? Because they look for the happiness in the everyday moments than in the whole picture. The example that comes to mind is the Tiny Tim Cratchit in A Christmas Carol, who is filled with happiness and positive thoughts despite being seriously ill. Sometimes having a Tiny Tim state of mind can go a long way.

Happy Father's Day!

Father’s Day is a day that used to have no meaning. It was a day to honor a man who wasn’t a dad as I deserved or needed. So, it was a day I often ignored. However, it is now a day that I look forward. In order to honor my husband who has taken his role as father very seriously. My husband, from day one, has dived into his role as dad quickly. He learned to change diapers, bathe our daughter and make her bottles and feed her. He has worked long shifts and even longer weeks in order to make sure she has everything she could need or want. 

My husband is not perfect. He tends to jump to angry very easily if Abby were to do something wrong. However, he is quick to calm down and apologize to her and talk about why he got upset. Joe is the one who runs to her rescue when she falls down. He is the one who will make sure she is safe before he leaves. When he leaves in the morning for work and Abby is still asleep, I've seen him lean in real close to her and pray. He asks God to protect her and me while he is away from us. It is the little things like this that I see and I know that  my husband takes his role as father very seriously. 

Fathers are very important in our children’s lives. For the fathers out there who take their responsibilities seriously and with their whole heart, I say thanks. Your children may not remember everything you've ever done for them but they will remember the feelings of securing and love. For the fathers who aren’t taking the time to take care of their children, I hope that you realize that what you do or don’t do in your children’s lives will affect them for the rest of their lives. Believe me, I see the effects every day. It is never too late to be a Dad, it may take more work and effort but you can be a part of your children's lives while you still have time. 

Happy Father’s Day to the Dads who are willing to sit and watch that Disney princess movie one more time with their daughters and who are willing to play catch with their sons even after a hard day’s work. Your time with them is so precious, don’t let it pass.